It’s kinda weird-I feel the same, yet I feel different. Is it a psychological thing bc everybody (well, lots of folks) been screaming this “new year, new me” shit? Along with all the memes and posts about changing who they are-miraculously overnight, lolol. I’m such a bitch sometimes, but I mean…seriously. You finna change all the things in 1 day 🤨 I meannnnn, do you. Not saying it’s impossible, just unrealistic. & kinda unfair, I think, to put that type of pressure on yourself.
But. Anyway. I feel different. As the same person. If that makes sense (makes sense to me, lol) and this year I did something different in that I just allowed myself to be and feel my way into the newness/different ways I’m feeling and not force the usual strict regime of ok ima do this, this and this…right off the bat…back? Ima have to look that saying up. But feeling and processing where I am, into where I want to be/end up.
If this pandemic has taught me anything: it’s that we ain’t in control of shit. You make plans and God/the Universe laughs. Well this pandemic is headed for a new season so idk who laughing but shit. Jokes old now. So yeah no. No added pressure to be/achieve/control. Just navigating this goddamn covid neverland and making sure my family is straight. My connections are valued, appreciated and nourished.
And I decided to do what felt right going into the new year…& to do so moving forward. Feel my way. As a heavy Saturnian ruled person, I’m very much so used to logic, pragmatism, etc. as opposed to feeling/emotional centered. So. Embracing my cancer north node and following my North Star, this is what I’m doing. without effort. It just is. Flowing. I can fuck with this vibe always. In touch and in tune ✨
And accepting the feelings.
Oh, & another big one: accepting the human beings-as they show up-as they are. Because we’re all (well the people I know) just doing our fucking best. With what we got going on and where we are. Letting people off the hook is also letting yourself off the hook. Look at me sounding like a yoda thee G
But. All in all. I feel at peace. Lk excited since it’s my 5H profection year this year and numerology wise 2022 is the year of The Lovers, union, playfulness…just good shit. & I’m calling all of that into my experience. Beautiful ass alignment. That will blow my mind and expand my heart. Last year I purposely abstained and refrained from dating because I was intentional about getting some things done and accomplished (which I did and I’m very grateful for) that I knew I wouldn’t have the capacity for dating or entertaining any type of romantic relationship. I met some rad ass women, though. But this year, I’m aligning with a beautiful goddess and I can feel it. & I’m giving thanks in advance.
My sole focus won’t be on romantic love, though. According to my astrologer, the way my 7H is set up, I’m supposed to live my life and have all the fun-sooooo, I plan on doing that. And there are already some things in the works that I’m very excited about and it feels very refreshing to be excited about shit again & not be attaching it to only a person/relationship. There’s so many great things on the horizon, so I’m very much so looking forward to this chapter of much lighter energy and fun. Adventure and exploration-I’m a Sagittarius stellium; adventure, exploring and fun is my middle name(s)
Not to sound cliche but totally sounding cliche:
It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day. It’s a new life. For me. & I’m feeling good
Give thanks for 2022 and all of the amazing, beautiful divine blessings, love and magick it’s bringing me. Give fucking thanks!
I wrote this piece with someone in mind. As sort of a love poem, love affirmation and manifestation. But somewhere, somehow shit got lost in translation…lost in space. But found on time. I am grateful for all of my love& life teachers, regardless of length of stay. I love being inspired and moved to write words dedicated to love. That’s the root. Everything else stems from that. So. I give thanks for presence and the essence of divinity. The reminder that love is beautiful and free. & the hope of a thing also makes life more beautiful.
I’m writing you poetry And consistently show you The love that you deserve Intentionally, slowly Unfold you like the most delicate petals of a rose 🌹 I will leave you whole and not pluck you But know every day I always wanna fuck you- & love you. & I will always pick you While leaving your roots room to grow, too
You are my Queen bee and my flower Love you enough to relinquish power & control Behold, the ferocious Goddess & that’s being modest Cuz there aren’t enough words to describe your beauty truly Divine You and I are truly aligned The Universe and my Ancestors are so benevolent and kind
They way they placed us together You’re my most valued treasure Loving you is so easy. Loving you takes no effort. I give thanks for mutual effort Mutual love and healthy obsession Learning in real time that I’ve mastered the lessons Every day I am in awe of your special Gas you and fill you up until you’re an overflowing vessel Of love that radiates Nothing and no one predates Our chemistry and energy The way we love each other, intentionally the generosity and blessings within our connection Is unprecedented You found me and gave to me-thee Sweetest love Your care, your affection and your time
Thank you for appreciating me Thank you for adoring me Thank you for reciprocity and for loving and receiving me
Thank you for being solid And easy like Sunday morning A Sunday kind of love is what you give every day and it’s what I’ve always wanted Thank you for that beautiful smile Thank you for taking the time to get to know me on deeper levels Your love helped me discard that hard fixed sign shell & invited me to openness I will always love you on purpose
Each and every day & in every way You bring me such joy and cognizance Learned to lead with my heart over the simply logical sense I love our attraction, I love our passion-it’s so intense
In the best ways I’m excited to spend time with you knowing that these aren’t even my best days I prayed For someone like you and here you are Love- a beautiful reminder that love knows no distance and is never far away
I know that heaven is a place on Earth and it’s with you Every day is beautiful and better than the next I love our openness The vulnerability We are on the road to free Just had to make some stops along the way I love when you message me, I love hearing your voice-it makes my night and day So much better I love reading your love letters I love receiving your love…and sharing mine with you
That’s it…that’s the tweet Blog. Ok that’s not it, but damn…this Instagram post stopped me in my fucking tracks and I HAD to share it on my Story and now, here. Because I don’t want to forget it. I don’t ever want to forget the moments that led me to this post. And how divinely timed this shit was.
The fact that I had been playing “Real Love Baby” when I first saw this post also solidified what my guides were trying to tell & remind me:
That settling for lukewarm or bare minimum effort and love is not the business. That I am worthy of a love so sublime and so divine, that it reminds me of love; that I am love(d).
Every bone in my body will be sure. With love and humans coinciding-she doesn’t have to be perfect to be the antidote, the cure…
pure vibes and love. A love affair and love story to rival any epic tale. A love that’s real. And ready. & open and willing to move through the discomfort and the temporary. My love will choose me as I do her, endlessly. She will be solid in her love and intention, not on the fence about me. Not perfect, but perfect…for me.
I could write and write and write…but I’m gonna keep it brief and soak in the words above. A reminder of a perfect love for me. Imperfectly existing, never waning or drifting. Gifting me with her presence and consistency…hold her down as she lifts me. Transporting me to heights not reached previously. & honestly nobody else exists to me… Real Love, Baby
Presence takes on a whole new meaning for me this year-a more intentional and actual/factual meaning.
Standing in the sand ocean against feet. & Being able to look so clearly at the stars in the sky. It reminds you of how smalll you are. & how big…grand, vast…erry thing out there is. & how things are orchestrated divinely, over our own human understanding of things.
One thing that I know for sure: I am still learning and growing. And people show up exactly on time-to remind us of what being present and grounded is AND all of the ways that we may not be. Fuck.
In the midst of building a home (thank the Goddess we are nearing the finish line as the year ends, I have never felt so overwhelmed) transitioning to a whole new life and dealing with familial roots and dynamics that I haven’t been around in the last…24 or so years…it’s been a lot.
But I’m very grateful for the things that I’m learning and being connected with them again. This December makes a whole ass year since I’ve been back and it has been…1 for the books, lol. & as much as everything in my body and mind was ready to head in the opposite direction ✈️ …there is a purpose that I’m back here now. For how long? I don’t know yet. But knowing that my presence here is for something bigger than me-for family and making sure my mum is good and in a brand new home, settled after losing everything in Hurricane Dorian…is what makes every fear and uncertainty, doubt, regret…dissipate. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about how in an instant I almost lost her and the majority of my family on my Mums side…life is…fucking wild.
& when I speak of regret and doubt-it’s me speaking on my own personal demons and journey of giving up a life I have known in another country for the last 20+ years and all of the comforts, the freedom (as a queer person) and ease…that I made the very hard (but easy) decision to leave.
Because my presence was needed here. Presence. Again, that word. This reflection I’m experiencing I suppose is pretty on brand with the year coming to a close.
This post is also pertaining to a connection that I once viewed as promising and refreshing…& I still give it that, as it was. So. Now I’m boutta digress. & since my site has the word confession in it, what did you expect? Lol
I’m…hmm. Acknowledging that people are allowed to change their minds. & allowed to make decisions and choices based on what’s best for them…I have to move forward in that logical space of processing. I believe it was Chani Nicholas who posted up about Sagittarius season and called it the season of “spirited ghosting” 👻 & as a Sagg Moon…the shit is awful, but made sense and made me chuckle when I read it. However, it’s not the best feeling when it’s done to you. As anyone who has ever been on that side of the fence can attest.
Have I done it before? I’m pretty sure I have in my past. Before I grew into the person that I am now. And. So now, I’m tasked with practicing what I am always preaching (from the book The Four Agreements) & 1)doing my best to 2) not take personal someone making a personal decision for themselves. Ehhhh.
Astrologer Danielle (one of my faves) said that your rising is there to protect your Sun. And with Pisces as my rising…umm I dunno bout that 😂 jk, jk. Because with my Aquarius Sun and Sagg Moon…I definitely needed to have that water rising to protect my Sun (at 29° Leo, no doubt) and me from being too hard, selfish, egotistical, self consumed, etc….that water is so necessary. & even though we know the fish can be a bit much sometimes, it’s exactly what I needed to provide the balance necessary that I always strive towards lined up with my Air sun, Fire Moon and Earth Venus. Perfect. For me. & for whomever I end up aligned with in a relationship.
Because I understand now. And I’m so much better and letting things be exactly what they are, without attaching negatively to it, idealizing or romanticizing it to the point of delusion…Neptune can make you do that shit, lol. But. I realize that I can’t do anything with the potential of a thing, only the reality of it. Fuck.
Wisdom comes at a cost, lol. You see me here intellectually speaking on this shit, but I would be lying if I sat here typing and said that this presence and then absence of something/someone hasn’t affected me at all. I’m a human, not a robot contrary to typical Aquarius slander. It’s affected me. Not in an egotistical way though-because like I said, everyone has a right to do what is best for them & I always say that no one belongs to anyone else- but changed me in a way that has helped me grow. I was able to open up and show my vulnerable side to someone (I usually don’t that quickly-Capricorn Venus-lemme stop there because this connection has proven that I have grown) so being open and vulnerable with someone was once a challenge. But. This perfect alignment with her (be it short lived) has shown me all the the ways I have grown for the better. & not being bitter about something that I had so much hope for dissipating the way it did.
It gives me hope and I am grateful for being able to see me; as the person that I was once working to become (in relation to relating to someone I’m feeling/interested in romantically). Fuck. Because I know when I do align and connect with someone on this level again, I know that I’ve done the work and am capable of giving and sharing love, care, myself etc wholeheartedly…with only the intentions of giving and receiving the highest love. Sans unhealthy attachment, ego, none of that shit that I used to deal/rock with.
It’s fucking possible! Lol. It’s a great feeling amidst being bummed about something not going according to my own human plan-but the Universe and my Ancestors…they know what’s up and I trust them. That every redirection of energy and attention is for my highest good and the highest good of all involved.
That’s the shit, man. Because I always say that things are always working out for me-for my highest good AND the highest good of all involved…sometimes I just wanna be selfish and just say for my own highest good, Lolol. But. That’s not what love is. If we being real. I want shit to work for me, but also for you, too. I want it to be working for the higher good for us both. Smh. When tf did I become this person, lol. Well. I am grateful to be here, now. As I am.
I’m here to give and share real love (Cancer 5H and NN) with others. Remind them that they are worthy of the greatest love and care. Might not be from me forever, but they are worthy nonetheless. & acknowledging that I can’t do the work for anyone else but myself. & I am only responsible for me and how I choose to show up. That being said, I will never regret giving or sharing any of my love/care/concern with anyone, because it’s who I am. I’m a fucking lover, man. & I’m grateful for those who see me, feel me, receive me as I am and choose to intentionally show up and reciprocate. & for the ones who don’t, can’t/are unable to for whatever reason…peace to them.
Everyone is my teacher.
Eternally grateful for my life teachers that bless me with lessons that I needed to see/learn. To help fix my vision and readjustment of frequencies. Operating from fear, or embodying of a “runner/chaser” energy is not it. Because anything that is avoiding or running…doesn’t want to be chased. Shit makes sense don’t it? That’s not the type of energy I desire. I’m operating from a space of love and alignment now. & knowing that I am worthy of all the love that I give out. All the good shit, I am worthy of. And as I exhale and release this long ass post of acknowledgments, I am extremely grateful to be here. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I created this video that I posted to my IG stories. I don’t see why my wordpress fam should be denied, lol.
& I would like to add that I appreciate & highly value: honesty, integrity…vulnerability (as long as she feels safe to be) and authenticity. A Goddess who isn’t afraid of growth. Someone who is loving, a kind human and affectionate..I like that shit
A Goddess of Sensuality with healthy boundaries. Worldly, i.e. loves to travel and experience new places, while appreciating the beauty in other cultures and ways of living.
She exudes femininity & has a sense humor/can be goofy and loves to laugh & be happy*
*I fuck with all the vibes, but just not the fake ones*
So I’ll never be one of those “positive vibes only” people. That’s like being a robot with no feelings & is just plain harmful & toxic. IMO. so yeah no. We all experience a range of emotions and being able to process & deal with them in a healthy way is the goal. Be angry, be pissed off, be moody if need be, just as long as we not suppressing our feelings, we good. Healthy communication is key. Healthy outlets and knowing oneself; for example my 12H Sun calls for isolation in order for me to process. & I’ve found that taking the necessary steps & space to do so works best. For me. So I want her to feel comfortable with feeling the big and sometimes not so pleasant feelings and do what’s best in her own ways of processing & healing. As long as we’re not sweeping 🧹 shit under the rug and lovingly & intentionally dealing with the opportunities (notice I didn’t say “problems” -because words are powerful) for growth and greater understanding of ourselves and one another.
Soooo, yeah healthy communication is paramount. As is emotional intelligence. & Being cognizant of each other’s love languages. Respect. Even in difficult times.
Loyalty and commitment to one other is also high on my list of things that I value…as an Aqua Sun, Capricorn Venus also respecting each other’s autonomy and monogamy. Stable foundations and co-creation, not co-dependency.
If there’s anything else I think of that aligns I will add to this further. But yeah…
I don’t care if I have 1 million or one single dollar…I am & will always be Blessed. So. There is a gentleman that I pass by every day on my daily commute and walk into my office bldg. I said Good morning as I normally do when I see him and he was sitting just as he does every day beneath the AC Transit bus stop or near it. Today he was underneath I’m sure because of all of the rain. I stopped. & I spoke to him and saw him wrapped in this beige blanket, still with smile of Peace on his face. My, my. Just a reminder that happiness is free.
I had about 14 minutes to spare before work so I dashed across Clay and 11th in my slippery ass Supras and against the wet concrete and grabbed him a coffee and some breakfast. Definitely a slippery slope (couldn’t help it, lol). It was raining like a mf and I figured I could at least kinda help him stay warm as he sits outside in the rain…about 45 minutes later I ended up leaving work.
On my way back, we conversed a little more as he offered me a slice of his pumkin pie…my heart was full and here this gentleman was with little to nothing, offering me some of what he had. Hmmm. This is God. This is Her reminder that She is Present, everywhere and in all things. I did the “hmmmm” because some people have so much & still won’t give or help anyone else & here he is, offering me some of his food. As I stood there talking to him, his Soul shined so bright & the warmth in his smile moved me. I Am so so sooooo grateful. So my Spirit started speaking and I asked him, “you need anything, man?” He said to me, “you know, I could use a toothbrush and some toothpaste, some deodorant if you can.”
So. I did what I would do for my father or my brother or a friend…things that we a lot of times take for granted that people only wish they could have on the regular. Well, I know what it is to have and I also know what it is to have not…The Goddess is gracious to me – and I am beyond grateful. Thank you for your Spirit and reminding me that God is Love. I Am God and so is he. Gifts between gods.
Cheers to you, Rasta! Thanks for the reminder of Love!
She asks me to remove denim
I ask her
also The Cure
The Way We Talk
The Way We Walk
The Way We…
She insists on Proof
As I exist in Truth
Ceasing the continuous Loop
Refusing to jump through hoops
Rally the Troops JUST
To be with you
Never majored in drama BUT
You give of yourself to me Through:Sweat, Breath & Ecstasy
Eye consider it: THE Highest Honor
& Place your body, your temple on the altar
my native tongue
And speak to me
As a Queen does
Knowing her piece to the puzzle is Priceless amongst the stars