religion

Scenes. & Action

Queer

I really and truly love when I witness a work and body of art that moves me completely. I’m on the last episode of this limited series called “Scenes From A Marriage” and I’m…Disheveled to my core. & reborn.

Because I see bits and pieces in my own villain/lover original sin-love story; the similarities and reminders of one of my deepest loves. & conversations that were happening that I couldn’t fathom their meaning because I was too stuck on the in between of a deferred dream and my ideals…based on what I thought was supposed to happen.

My idealistic take on love and what being in a relationship was. Fuck me…these scenes remind me of that lucid dream. & the reality of my ex’s humanity in seeing that our dreams were parallel until they weren’t. Her raw honesty. & how sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees, based on your own hurt, or your own worth-or, perhaps lack there of.

Either way, this show really reached into the depths of me. Reminded me of reality. & how beautiful it is to be loved and be human. All of the messy and complicated parts included. So. In conclusion, I wrote some words about it:

Is there some ONE for every ONE?
Or are we simply to experience
Different lovers, different ideas & learn what the meaning is
Contained within each vessel is a lesson
A blessing
& sometimes a curse
We hurt, we scream, we cry, we mourn until...we remember our worth
& what works
& truly what doesn’t
On slippery slopes we slide 
Until we collide
Until we collapse
Then perhaps
Learn the meaning
Of what isn’t
Until one day we decide to put away
The label makers
& realize the humanness of loving each other boldly & making mistakes along the way
Whose to say
That I can’t belong to me only
& give to you still
A cup that’s filled
Drinking from crystal glasses
20/20 with rose tinted spectacles
We give everyone permanency & make them a collectible
We hoard them, put them on a shelf right next to their pedestal
To be polished so we can never see them with their subtle scars & prominent scratches
We speak about the happiness
Of having them
But never fully experience them beyond the shell of our perceptions and expectations
Erase the individual wants and needs
For “we”
have done ourselves a disservice
Make it our purpose to worship
Holy, but not common ground
Just to feel safe & sound
I want you around
But only after you’ve found
Yourself.
Love your missteps
Love is politically incorrect
An emotional treasure within a shipwreck
emotional rebirth & death
On our tippy toes the closer we reach for depth
And learn to swim in the abyss
That darkness
That elicits a sharp breath
Uncontrollable we try to make it a point to hold onto that which we don’t know
Write a script for love instead of
Letting it all naturally come together and unfold
Without permission we assign roles
The rules were skewed
a long time ago...
That’s why you must decide your own
Find your home
Welcome.
Rest your bones
There a place for your comb
and your calm.

Jay Pritchett

Queer

Closets, Closets, Closets

It’s where we keep our stuff.

Sometimes, it’s where the ones around us, the ones who claim to love and care about us…the ones we also love the most…want us to store, hide and compartmentalize;

the parts that they, their friends, surrounding and immediate communities wants us to keep hidden and locked away. Because it’s more comfortable for them, as long as that part of us is stuffed in there-without a trace, without a say.

Now, the catch is, living here on this island and in this country- even though the doors are welcomed to be open, there’s always someone there dangling locks and keys in your face, when your stuff is too boldly displayed.

Be yourself!-

wait, but not like that…

Your Paradise Is My Hell.

I Suppress Where You Vacation.
Paradise? Nah, been lost. 

I usually keep my hair shaved pretty low on the sides. So I went on Instagram and searched for the least threatening/aggressive/misogynistic seeming barber on island to get a haircut since I had been back home for a while and was long overdue. Found some cool looking dudes. & got some inches off the top and back to the usual, close on the side. In barber terms i'd say probably a 1.Got home to the displeasure of my aunt and my mum, by the looks on their faces, they hated it.

part 1:

I don’t like it, I like your hair when it’s longer

-my Aunt





part 2:






Make sure you don’t cut your hair anymore. I don’t like you looking so much like a boy…
-my Mum





According to astrology I'm in my profection year that deals with family and roots. & I'm reminded why I left this place in the first place.

All those years of being away
from these prominent figures and triggers
This trauma and drama
& these closets
& half ass acceptance
receiving whatsapp messages on repentance
feels like i'm serving a sentence
in a picturesque hell
be you; but make sure you hide that gay shit well
lest you be the topic of conversation
in a "christian nation"

I Suffer Where You Vacation

Facing
constant backlash and retaliation
simply for existing
as me
Never free
& if you dare to be- here comes that lock and key






					

			
	
			
	


			
				



			

						
							
					

	
	

		
But, God Hates You

					Bisexual, Gay, gender, Lesbian, LGBTQ, qpoc, Queer, qwoc, sexuality, Transgender
		
			


					

			
But, God Hates You


Is what I was taught as an adolescent still struggling to find an OUT to the closet that I was living in. Growing up with a bible-pushing family from the Caribbean (the worse kind of “pushers” much like southern Baptists) whom you knew you would always get a random quote from the Bible, even just in passing, was not the easiest.


As I uncomfortably grinned & hoped to the God they preached down to us about that it would be a short one this time; a sort of Sanctified Haiku instead of the fire & brimstone scary movie of Revelations chapter…(pick any), but I digress. Back to this God & Hate conversation.


I was explaining to a friend how good the Creator aka God was good to me after publishing my first book & thus, landed her reply: “But, God Hates You.”


Was I shocked? Yeah, kind of because this was a friend of mine. *Daphne was what we in the LGBTQ community call “An Ally,” but this was no conversation about alliance. Sure, she went to the Gay Pride celebrations, flirted with Drag Queens & even has a “gay friend,” but in this moment, SHE was a believer & TRUE child of God because she was married & living a “Christian Life” with her husband and two children.


“Why do you think you can’t have kids with a woman? It isn’t right! In the Bible…” Daphne had fell into the sometimes inevitable straight woman with a gay friend or queer family member ignorance coma. “God said this, you can’t do that & it is a SIN!”


She preached & preached & I was reminiscent of other lives;


Other blurred times when a Nation was under the influence of what they thought was “God’s Will.” Times when people used, “& God said…”statements to justify horrid inhumanity, as in the practice of Slavery.


I reminded her of a few things i picked up on my own journey into loving & understanding myself & my relationship with God:


God & Hate are two words that should never be spoken together.


God is LOVE, Perfect Love free of hatred & judgement. We are ALL created by the same Source & loved just the same. Perfect Love is unconditional…


I remember struggling with this idea of am I going to hell because I’m a lesbian, but now realize that “lesbian” is only a label.


Am I a good human being? Do I give, love, live, selflessly & with compassion for every single being? The God that I know, THAT’S what concerns her.


So, to anyone who has ever had to think these thoughts of guilt & shame about who you are & who you Love, know that just as you are, you are Perfect! God doesn’t hate you, you’re mere existence & presence in this world is a testimony of God’s Love for YOU. So, Shine Bright & Love, Always.


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