The ruin..of many a poor Boi

Queer

& God

I know I’m one

-The House of the Rising Sun

I’m talking bout Karmic relationships, karmic ties, soulmates, etc. Yeah. All dem, lolol

Has been the…well I wouldn’t say my ruin, but the stress, the drama 🎭 and extra shit that’ll have you like:

The heartache and heartbreak; which is, tbh, sometimes self inflicted when we exaggerate someone’s presence and their place in our lives- yeah, been there, not doing that again.

Or, when we make these temporary lessons in passing…our forever person.

Your everything was sposed to simply be the thing that reminded you not to follow the same path or patterns.

We, drawn to our karmic past lifetimes like a magnet, attract these folx and get into romantic relationships with them, when they was sposed to just be the lesson, or a even a reminder, personified.

We really should’ve just kept it cool, kept it cute & kept it pushin- & not have romantic or sexual (did you know there’s something called sexual soulmates? Thought that was cool) ties to them this go round.

Merry. And Mary.

Twin Flame/Karmic Lover/Ex Forecast: Circles and cloudy.

A time. Once again, Mercury rx is almost fully upon us. Ask for clarity. & discernment, bby.

Forever…until, infinity

Queer

A love, a vibe, a connection. An undeniable fact:

Always
(Until the trees and seas just up and fly away)
Always
(Until the day that eight times eight times eight is four)
Always
(Until the day that is the day that are no more)
Did you know you’re loved by somebody
(Until the day the earth starts turnin’ right to left)
Always
(Until the earth just for the sun denies itself)
I’ll be lovin’ you forever
(Until dear mother nature says her work is through)
Always
(Until the day that you are me and I am you)
Always
(Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky
Until the ocean severs every mountain high)
Always mm mm

“As” by Stevie Wonder

A love. A bliss. A connection. Joy.…feelings, emotions & logic: all in alignment. And remembering the dream, the gift that is love requires no additional thought. Just feel.

I’ve been off from work for a few hours. & enjoying music from a time before. & the incomparable Mr. Wonder is playing on my Spotify playlist, “O.Geez”

Plus.

The temps and weather right now…is weathering

Clip/gif from the film, Forgetting Sarah Marshall (love that movie)

Yeah the temps rn on this particular island…is feeling like the temps in one of my favourite places to live: the Bay Area.

So. I’m happy. My fellow islanders, not so much 😂 but I love it and it feels great. Matter the fact, it feels/aligns with and matches my mood. Good asf. I love it. Give thanks. For a whole lotta tings, but rn, especially music. & especially this gratitude and genuine love that I am blessed and inundated with. Yeah. Alluhdat.

Roy, Mary, Airy

Queer

Life is amazing. I mean, of course it’s not perfect.

I have my very human moments of overthinking, anxiety…have you seen (been living in) the state of the world? Depression. Relationships with people you love dearly that need adjustment, or disengagement. & learning (doing your best 😬) to give yourself the same grace and compassion you extend to others. & simply navigating life and the world as a queer Black person.

I mean…

yeah.

Life be Lifeing.

But, the Sun always shines again…even if it ain’t tomorrow.

Some shit ain curable in a day let’s bffr.

But.

However…it does eventually.

And what a refreshing feeling.

It’s like…taking Lessons in Breathing*

Until it once again becomes automatic

Natural.

Beautiful.

Abundant Life all around you.

And.

Love ALL around you-

no longer sustaining oneself from a single source

that wasn’t you.

You appreciate the beautiful blues and remember that they are the same hues

As a tropical sky

Beauty:

Is

Within the eye

👁

Of the beholder.

What you believe

What you perceive

Your thoughts and thinking becoming things

Beloved…

Remember the sunshine. Do your best.

*shout out to the amazing Slam Poet Theresa Davis & her life-changing poem (She brought tears to my eyes during several different performances of this poem back in Atlanta)

“Breathing Lessons”

Real Love, bby

Queer

Comfort. Romancing the (rose quartz) stone.. Highest regard.

An external home with safekeeping and the warmest embrace.

The sweetest taboo…No ordinary love…Sade

A trusted, safe space.

Complete safety; emotionally and otherwise.

Ease. Flow.

Love and respect that never ceases or dissipates regardless of a disagreement

Or temporary static.

Comfort in the midst of temporary contrast…that gifts us with more clarity.

Understanding.

Empathy.

Compassion.

A love expounded

Love, compounded.

Real Love, bby.

~Syn

Flipp Dinero (LMAA)

Queer

& That Natalie Imbruglia wybe: Just leave me alone

Yo.

No matter how many times I say it: “Come correct, or don’t come at all,”motherfuckers steady coming, lol.

If you can’t, if you are unable to give me the love that I need in this particular type of relationship dynamic, leave me tf alone.

I am graciously accepting and loving this life of peace & blessings that I have cultivated for myself so I would rather not allow half assed love/half ass attempts and especially not breadcrumbing. That shit is for birds.

I am no ones “option.” I am a priority; just as I would make the person in my life a priority.

So…I’ma say it again. Come correct or don’t come tf at all because it will not turn out well if you step into this sanctuary, with dirty feet.

& attempt to receive this abundant, beautiful, bountiful, healthy ass love from me-whilst not even being able to meet me halfway?

Half steppin just won’t work. & the way my 7th house is set up with those planets…We can make love or make war, it’s your choice. But I promise, I won’t be the mad one. & no one’s bullshit ass crumbs will steal my joy or disrupt my life. Them days over, bby. My peace is paramount & I will protect it.

Stay Ready ||2.18|| What a Life ✨

Queer

Usually…well, I don’t think I made a post last year But I would post something about my B’EarthDay on my IG feed…but this year? Ine into dat. I just…am realizing that I’m not much of a fan of having my personal life up for public consumption. Been posting less and less personal stuff on the socials for a while now. I’m accepting that this is the most comfortable and balanced I feel. So yeah no

But I will post here. No personal images or videos…but, gratitude. Which is enough for me. My cup runneth over ✨

I treat myself (I do my best-some days not so much) and am treated wonderfully by the Universe, my fam and dearest loves/loved ones.

Every day.

& In the ways that I show up for myself. The foods I intentionally consume and those that I stay away from. The intentional ways that I practice body movement, breathing exercises, take the time to meditate and incorporate healthier ways of being. Sticking to my morning routines. The ways that I speak to myself (the intrusive thoughts, too cuz I can overthink like a mf sometimes) but. Also what I allow and no longer allow. Having and sticking with my healthy boundaries. The life that I have cultivated that is inundated with peace. Abundance. & love. I am so much more aware of and grateful for my life and life in general.

I am extended thee most beautiful and divine love; stemming from my closest humans, to acquaintances and strangers alike.

I am grateful for every human that crosses my path. Whether it be for a reason, season &/or a lifetime…all tings align.

But yeah man..I’m just gonna continue on this path and gracefully and humbly accept all this beautiful ass love and life that I get to experience. It’s a blessing every day above ground.

Granted, some days that’s a lil hard to remember…because: being human. & Shit sucks sometimes…like shit 😂 but man. This ride has been wild af, like bat shit wild some of the things I’ve seen/lived/experienced…what a life. From ATL to the Bay. & errywhere in between…

I’ve had my share of setbacks, setups (ill-intentioned people, envious/jealous people will teach you A Lot of priceless gems and teach you how to better navigate life cuz it’s a lot of them mf’s in it) heartache and heartbreak…& I wouldn’t change that shit for anything. All it did was gift me with experience, lessons, wisdom, shadow work, discernment, a therapist! 😂😂 and the list continues with a whole lot of beautiful ass blessings along the way.

It led me here . To me. As I am now. I’m grateful af. Cuz it and I am only getting better and better. Refinement. More life 🥂 Give thanks ✨

V-day, New Girl

Queer

I really wanted to post this to remind myself just how beautiful (& paramount) authentic connection really is. I saw this video of Lauren London describing her ideal or a great date and I was like

My hilarious Leo ♌️ boo, Dan Levy aka David on Schitt’s Creek

& so. I did a quick lil mashup video with LL’s words and a tweet I found also reflective of my views/desires.

Authentic & genuine connection is very important to me. I once read something that said, “I don’t care if you’ve climbed Mount Everest or if you’ve never left your home town. The kind of love & how you give/receive/share love is what matters most” & I couldn’t agree more.

And!

Being able to kick it with my person, laugh, joke, sing off key together…just being able to enjoy my person as they are, is what I’m here for. I absolutely believe in the foundation of friendship & the utmost respect for one another in all moments. Having conversations about Agartha, to Game of Thrones, Insecure to to CRT. Free Palestine to the massacre of Saint Valentine, AI to Climate change…I’m here for all of it.

& being a Sagittarius Moon and MC…traveling is one of my most favourite things. So. Someone who I can travel with (because news flash, errybody ain’t for everyting and some people make horrible travel companions). But yeah. You gotta know yourself man. What you like/don’t like. What brings you joy. Shit that sets your soul on fire. Because if you can align with someone who adds to that flame and doesn’t try to (inadvertently or not) dim it…golden.

Know yaself. Love yourself. So you can return that same energy to another. I have a whole lot more shit to say, but also a meeting to attend. So.

Only, then

Queer
Only, then.
…only, if it feels sacred.
Like our bodies in motion…are in meditation.
Worshiping the Divine within one another.

Only then.
My Instagram story featuring Dreka & Kevin Gates’ IG Reel.

I was inspired to write those words. And reminded of connection. Divine order. & not fighting the Universe, ourselves or each other. No.

Only…complete Surrender. To love. Only, then.

Because fear. Feeding crumbs.

I want More. The heavens, cosmos. & beyond.

Only, then.

-Syn

“I’m Glowin The Fuck Up!” -Lil Murda

Queer

I used that line from 1 of my fave shows, P-Valley. If you follow any of my other socials (Twitter, Instagram) then you know how much I absolutely love this show.

Ok. So why tf is that line the title of this post?

Because I felt like it. & I felt like it because the moments that I experienced leading up to even thinking of that line, had me feeling like Murda when Keyshawn showed him the WSHH feature with them. That energy. That Soul Glo ✨ cuz you now in the process of mining ⛏ your own diamonds…& once you realize…that you are also the Diamond 💎 game fucking changer.

What a time. What a life, Jhene Aiko. Seeing your shit come to fruition-in the divinely timed order it’s sposed to ✨

The feeling of having pride in your work and what the fuck you put out into the world. & also tremendous gratitude for what was, what’s happening rn and for allllll the beautiful, magical, wonderful experiences coming.

Give thanks. Gratitude for the doors and windows 🪟 that’s opening for me-& the right ones at that. The ones that feel good. That feel at ease. That feel joyful. That’s for my highest good & the highest good if all involved. Them joints that feel right & aligned ✨ give thanks.

PODCAST: The Joyful Experience

I am so pleased, so grateful and sooo excited to be sharing this Podcast & more of myself with you.

As you will hear in the Podcast, I am a 12H sun. With Jupiter in my 8H…Capricorn Mercury and Venus…ine into foolishness.

This 12H energy has me in the cut working on self in several ways, which I’m not mad about at all. & sometimes, I am beckoned to “show my face” & in this case, share my voice.

So. Here I Am.

& I am absolutely delighted to be able to share some of my innermost thoughts & feels regarding dating and mating with Astrology-& how you relate to your own birth chart.

Big up and Big love to all of the professional astrologers that have guided me these last few years and really helped a bih understand more and grow.

I am ever grateful for every opportunity and every gift. & this Podcast was certainly that.

Big love always to my beloved colleague, fellow author, writer, bad ass Scorpio witch and friend, Kat.

Give thanks for our queer family tree that’s been growin from AOL online/chat room times (yeah we old-ish) lol. I’m hella grateful for such a wonderful opportunity. That shit was hella fun.

Syncere, Guest Host. The Joyful Experience Podcast, August, 2022

Listen To Full Podcast Here

Tender Boys & Mama (Ms. Ernestine)

Queer

Tender boys who grew up wit they Grammy
And all her cats
Left to sit back
Cuz when he walk, he got a switch back
That earned him tenure at her house

Jason,
Sweet as pie and quiet as a mouse
Played in the yard, barely left the house

Boys like him was hushed at an early age
At the early stage
When da men dem peep his ways
His true self died at an early age

Like his body did, from AIDS

If I could take a turn back of the page
I would hug him so tight
Let him know that it’s alright
To love and to like...who you like

To be who you be
As softly
As you would like to walk these island streets
Bey I wish I was older when we did meet

I just remember the smile

The smile that showed me early, it was ok to be the Sun
even if some folks prefer shade…


Jason,
I remember you.
I honor you.
I love you.

My first known queer Ancestor
I remember ✨🕊
~Syn
Uncle Clifford and Ms. Ernestine

Jay Pritchett

Queer

Closets, Closets, Closets

It’s where we keep our stuff.

Sometimes, it’s where the ones around us, the ones who claim to love and care about us…the ones we also love the most…want us to store, hide and compartmentalize;

the parts that they, their friends, surrounding and immediate communities wants us to keep hidden and locked away. Because it’s more comfortable for them, as long as that part of us is stuffed in there-without a trace, without a say.

Now, the catch is, living here on this island and in this country- even though the doors are welcomed to be open, there’s always someone there dangling locks and keys in your face, when your stuff is too boldly displayed.

Be yourself!-

wait, but not like that…

Your Paradise Is My Hell.

I Suppress Where You Vacation.
Paradise? Nah, been lost. 
I usually keep my hair shaved pretty low on the sides. So I went on Instagram and searched for the least threatening/aggressive/misogynistic seeming barber on island to get a haircut since I had been back home for a while and was long overdue. Found some cool looking dudes. & got some inches off the top and back to the usual, close on the side. In barber terms i'd say probably a 1.Got home to the displeasure of my aunt and my mum, by the looks on their faces, they hated it.
 

part 1:

I don’t like it, I like your hair when it’s longer

-my Aunt




part 2:

Make sure you don’t cut your hair anymore. I don’t like you looking so much like a boy…

-my Mum
According to astrology I'm in my profection year that deals with family and roots. & I'm reminded why I left this place in the first place.

All those years of being away
from these prominent figures and triggers
This trauma and drama
& these closets
& half ass acceptance
receiving whatsapp messages on repentance
feels like i'm serving a sentence
in a picturesque hell
be you; but make sure you hide that gay shit well
lest you be the topic of conversation
in a "christian nation"

I Suffer Where You Vacation

Facing
constant backlash and retaliation
simply for existing
as me
Never free
& if you dare to be- here comes that lock and key

Tramazon

Queer, Transgender

You know how privileged it is to say to someone, particularly a poor, trans woman of color living in the South:

“Live Out Loud. Live your Truth,” etc.

I mean that sounds wonderful and inspiring in theory if:

You didn’t have to walk down the street in a neighborhoods inhabited by many ignorances of color (ignorance comes in every shade)

If:

You didn’t have to take public transportation.

There she was.

6’2. Blonde wig, face beat with make-up  done by the gods. Light eyes and a strut that could walk the runways of Paris.

She got on the bus and immediately, all eyes and all heightened senses of the monsters, peaked.

“You by yourself? Where’s your mama at?” She asked to the two children sitting across from her.

“No,” they giggled. They seemed to be between the ages of  8-11. “Our daddy is on here too.”

She smiled. Then proclaimed, “Ok good.”

The two ignorances behind me snickered:

“The end of days. You hear me. The end”

She proceeded to mind her business and look at her own reflection in her phones screen.

I believe she felt them:

The eyes. The hills and evil has them.

She continuously looked at her self, fidgeting and checking to see if her face (& indeed she) was still in tact. I could feel her discomfort. As ignorances piled up on the route, at one particular stop, she flung her 6’2 frame up and into the front of the bus before it had stopped.

The stares, the mumbles…pushed her forward.

Once at the front of the bus and her back facing everyone else, she took off her wig and proceeded to run her fingers through her own hair; which was about ear length and brown with purple streaks at the ends.

That mirror: her phone, which seemed to be her own saviour and comfort, she stayed looking into. Her legs twitched. She focused on her reflection the entire ride.

And I wonder, how difficult it must be to be her. In her shoes. In her own skin, where the world around her is a threat to her simply wanting to exist. To live. To be. To breathe and be in peace, as herself. How does she find the courage to walk in this world as a trans woman of color and NOT be effected by its ignorance. She can’t. She can’t even ride the fucking bus in peace.

God Bless the freaks.

Goddess Bless the beings who have to catch their breath in every moment; from a world where people are always trying to steal it.

*Featured Image* Viccky Gutierrez, a transgender woman from Honduras who was stabbed and had her body set ablaze inside her Los Angeles home on January 10, 2018.

 

Yeezy 18’s

Lesbian, LGBTQ, qpoc, Queer, qwoc

I’m going to attempt to watch something funny. One of my favourite shows. Something that would make me smile, cry real tears  (not just emoji ones) of laughter and remember how much of a gift it is to be able to laugh (Shout out to Mindy Kaling and the Mindy Project. Its hilarious). A gift to feel and experience joy. Happiness. All of the moments are precious. Don’t count them, but make them count (I feel like that last line is a real quote from someone 🤔)

Damn. Death sure has a way of kicking you in the balls; actual or strapped on ones-don’t matter you get the reference.

But shit. If someone kicks you in the balls (I’m assuming & also going by countless cinematic scenes where the cis gendered dude seems to be in excruciating pain 🎬) you probably deserved it? Bc who does that to someone w/o reason? (Aside from men 🙄)

Am I saying that when someone dies that we deserve to experience death/loss/grief in that way? No. That would be hella idiotic and quite a problematic statement.

What I’m saying izzzzz: We deserve to live. To remember to live, while we are here.

We deserve to be loved fully, wholly as ourselves and to give/return that same love to others. We deserve to experience the full, infinite magnitude and spectrum of love and to be in relationships that nourish & nurture us. We are here for the experience of life and living.

Nothing like a new ancestor to remind your ass to grab life by the horns (shout out to my Uncle, a Taurus, my mum and all my bulls 🤘) & make your experience reflect your authentic expression.

Passion. Love. Life is living.

Goddess, bless the dead

and

bless the mortals still alive, who are playing dead…the walking dead.

Love to you in your moments. Life. The gift. Open up.

– Syn El Sol ☀