“I’m Glowin The Fuck Up!” -Lil Murda

Queer

I used that line from 1 of my fave shows, P-Valley. If you follow any of my other socials (Twitter, Instagram) then you know how much I absolutely love this show.

Ok. So why tf is that line the title of this post?

Because I felt like it. & I felt like it because the moments that I experienced leading up to even thinking of that line, had me feeling like Murda when Keyshawn showed him the WSHH feature with them. That energy. That Soul Glo ✨ cuz you now in the process of mining ⛏ your own diamonds…& once you realize…that you are also the Diamond 💎 game fucking changer.

What a time. What a life, Jhene Aiko. Seeing your shit come to fruition-in the divinely timed order it’s sposed to ✨

The feeling of having pride in your work and what the fuck you put out into the world. & also tremendous gratitude for what was, what’s happening rn and for allllll the beautiful, magical, wonderful experiences coming.

Give thanks. Gratitude for the doors and windows 🪟 that’s opening for me-& the right ones at that. The ones that feel good. That feel at ease. That feel joyful. That’s for my highest good & the highest good if all involved. Them joints that feel right & aligned ✨ give thanks.

PODCAST: The Joyful Experience

I am so pleased, so grateful and sooo excited to be sharing this Podcast & more of myself with you.

As you will hear in the Podcast, I am a 12H sun. With Jupiter in my 8H…Capricorn Mercury and Venus…ine into foolishness.

This 12H energy has me in the cut working on self in several ways, which I’m not mad about at all. & sometimes, I am beckoned to “show my face” & in this case, share my voice.

So. Here I Am.

& I am absolutely delighted to be able to share some of my innermost thoughts & feels regarding dating and mating with Astrology-& how you relate to your own birth chart.

Big up and Big love to all of the professional astrologers that have guided me these last few years and really helped a bih understand more and grow.

I am ever grateful for every opportunity and every gift. & this Podcast was certainly that.

Big love always to my beloved colleague, fellow author, writer, bad ass Scorpio witch and friend, Kat.

Give thanks for our queer family tree that’s been growin from AOL online/chat room times (yeah we old-ish) lol. I’m hella grateful for such a wonderful opportunity. That shit was hella fun.

Syncere, Guest Host. The Joyful Experience Podcast, August, 2022

Listen To Full Podcast Here

Tender Boys & Mama (Ms. Ernestine)

Queer

Tender boys who grew up wit they Grammy
And all her cats
Left to sit back
Cuz when he walk, he got a switch back
That earned him tenure at her house

Jason,
Sweet as pie and quiet as a mouse
Played in the yard, barely left the house

Boys like him was hushed at an early age
At the early stage
When da men dem peep his ways
His true self died at an early age

Like his body did, from AIDS

If I could take a turn back of the page
I would hug him so tight
Let him know that it’s alright
To love and to like...who you like

To be who you be
As softly
As you would like to walk these island streets
Bey I wish I was older when we did meet

I just remember the smile

The smile that showed me early, it was ok to be the Sun
even if some folks prefer shade…


Jason,
I remember you.
I honor you.
I love you.

My first known queer Ancestor
I remember ✨🕊
~Syn
Uncle Clifford and Ms. Ernestine

Jay Pritchett

Queer

Closets, Closets, Closets

It’s where we keep our stuff.

Sometimes, it’s where the ones around us, the ones who claim to love and care about us…the ones we also love the most…want us to store, hide and compartmentalize;

the parts that they, their friends, surrounding and immediate communities wants us to keep hidden and locked away. Because it’s more comfortable for them, as long as that part of us is stuffed in there-without a trace, without a say.

Now, the catch is, living here on this island and in this country- even though the doors are welcomed to be open, there’s always someone there dangling locks and keys in your face, when your stuff is too boldly displayed.

Be yourself!-

wait, but not like that…

Your Paradise Is My Hell.

I Suppress Where You Vacation.
Paradise? Nah, been lost. 
I usually keep my hair shaved pretty low on the sides. So I went on Instagram and searched for the least threatening/aggressive/misogynistic seeming barber on island to get a haircut since I had been back home for a while and was long overdue. Found some cool looking dudes. & got some inches off the top and back to the usual, close on the side. In barber terms i'd say probably a 1.Got home to the displeasure of my aunt and my mum, by the looks on their faces, they hated it.
 

part 1:

I don’t like it, I like your hair when it’s longer

-my Aunt




part 2:

Make sure you don’t cut your hair anymore. I don’t like you looking so much like a boy…

-my Mum
According to astrology I'm in my profection year that deals with family and roots. & I'm reminded why I left this place in the first place.

All those years of being away
from these prominent figures and triggers
This trauma and drama
& these closets
& half ass acceptance
receiving whatsapp messages on repentance
feels like i'm serving a sentence
in a picturesque hell
be you; but make sure you hide that gay shit well
lest you be the topic of conversation
in a "christian nation"

I Suffer Where You Vacation

Facing
constant backlash and retaliation
simply for existing
as me
Never free
& if you dare to be- here comes that lock and key

Tramazon

Queer, Transgender

You know how privileged it is to say to someone, particularly a poor, trans woman of color living in the South:

“Live Out Loud. Live your Truth,” etc.

I mean that sounds wonderful and inspiring in theory if:

You didn’t have to walk down the street in a neighborhoods inhabited by many ignorances of color (ignorance comes in every shade)

If:

You didn’t have to take public transportation.

There she was.

6’2. Blonde wig, face beat with make-up  done by the gods. Light eyes and a strut that could walk the runways of Paris.

She got on the bus and immediately, all eyes and all heightened senses of the monsters, peaked.

“You by yourself? Where’s your mama at?” She asked to the two children sitting across from her.

“No,” they giggled. They seemed to be between the ages of  8-11. “Our daddy is on here too.”

She smiled. Then proclaimed, “Ok good.”

The two ignorances behind me snickered:

“The end of days. You hear me. The end”

She proceeded to mind her business and look at her own reflection in her phones screen.

I believe she felt them:

The eyes. The hills and evil has them.

She continuously looked at her self, fidgeting and checking to see if her face (& indeed she) was still in tact. I could feel her discomfort. As ignorances piled up on the route, at one particular stop, she flung her 6’2 frame up and into the front of the bus before it had stopped.

The stares, the mumbles…pushed her forward.

Once at the front of the bus and her back facing everyone else, she took off her wig and proceeded to run her fingers through her own hair; which was about ear length and brown with purple streaks at the ends.

That mirror: her phone, which seemed to be her own saviour and comfort, she stayed looking into. Her legs twitched. She focused on her reflection the entire ride.

And I wonder, how difficult it must be to be her. In her shoes. In her own skin, where the world around her is a threat to her simply wanting to exist. To live. To be. To breathe and be in peace, as herself. How does she find the courage to walk in this world as a trans woman of color and NOT be effected by its ignorance. She can’t. She can’t even ride the fucking bus in peace.

God Bless the freaks.

Goddess Bless the beings who have to catch their breath in every moment; from a world where people are always trying to steal it.

*Featured Image* Viccky Gutierrez, a transgender woman from Honduras who was stabbed and had her body set ablaze inside her Los Angeles home on January 10, 2018.

 

Yeezy 18’s

Lesbian, LGBTQ, qpoc, Queer, qwoc

I’m going to attempt to watch something funny. One of my favourite shows. Something that would make me smile, cry real tears  (not just emoji ones) of laughter and remember how much of a gift it is to be able to laugh (Shout out to Mindy Kaling and the Mindy Project. Its hilarious). A gift to feel and experience joy. Happiness. All of the moments are precious. Don’t count them, but make them count (I feel like that last line is a real quote from someone 🤔)

Damn. Death sure has a way of kicking you in the balls; actual or strapped on ones-don’t matter you get the reference.

But shit. If someone kicks you in the balls (I’m assuming & also going by countless cinematic scenes where the cis gendered dude seems to be in excruciating pain 🎬) you probably deserved it? Bc who does that to someone w/o reason? (Aside from men 🙄)

Am I saying that when someone dies that we deserve to experience death/loss/grief in that way? No. That would be hella idiotic and quite a problematic statement.

What I’m saying izzzzz: We deserve to live. To remember to live, while we are here.

We deserve to be loved fully, wholly as ourselves and to give/return that same love to others. We deserve to experience the full, infinite magnitude and spectrum of love and to be in relationships that nourish & nurture us. We are here for the experience of life and living.

Nothing like a new ancestor to remind your ass to grab life by the horns (shout out to my Uncle, a Taurus, my mum and all my bulls 🤘) & make your experience reflect your authentic expression.

Passion. Love. Life is living.

Goddess, bless the dead

and

bless the mortals still alive, who are playing dead…the walking dead.

Love to you in your moments. Life. The gift. Open up.

– Syn El Sol ☀

No Dairy, No Regrets + Milk

Queer

Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really. ‘

-Harvey Milk

Letter to Her & the blessing of a Doula

Lesbian, LGBTQ, QBag, qpoc, Queer, qwoc

A vision of you
Naked
In our living room 
In the pool

Me:
Eyes-
open
Heart
OPEN
The Universe;
Open
Your legs are open
I’m looking at you
Reverently
Admiring
Your crown
Your chest
Goes up and down
Sweat dripping off your brow
Sweat dripping down my back

This. Here.
This place Is where we are at

Where river and ocean meet-in love.

And I don’t know which number cloud I am on
and you’re love, your gift is the high I’m on

Unbelievable
Surreal
I’m not sure what it is I feel
Love is overflowing
In this moment
Amidst your screams and moaning
I know now what it feels like to BE In the Moment
Cuz as your breathing
I breathe with you
I want you to know I’m here with you
I’m here for you
And I’ll never leave you
I hold your hand tightly as you squeeze mine
Every breath and every scream freezes time
You are mine
As we are crying tears of Heaven
Reign down and you bear down
And deliver the greatest gift I would ever receive: our child.

Give thanks to the Great Mother. Give thanks to the Great Goddess.

Peace and Blessings Manifest. Axé.

or real talk

LGBTQ

“How old are you?”

I divulge my age.

“I would have never guessed that…because you look nineteen! And you speak as if you’re in your 40’s or 50’s.”

Ok. Thanks?

I just…I was fast tracked into a lot of growth over a short span of time; mentally and spiritually.

For me, before my awakening, I was SO stubborn, so selfish/SO stuck on self that the Universe was like

“ok, looks like you will have to get it this time, by any means necessary.”

And that’s what I think helped shaped me into this being that I am now and am becoming. I had to go through breaking almost to what I thought was the point of no return.
To me. Where I was. I was broken. I had to come undone to become anything that I might Be.
Some of the lowest thoughts and I was at the lowest of lows.
I didn’t know who I was. I had let a relationship, or rather the ending of a relationship crumple me up like a piece of paper…
And me
Trying to breathe
Trying to see- because my eyes became rivers
Flooding my existence and drowning my being in sorrow.
I didn’t think about tomorrow
I didn’t think
About
Sunshine
I didn’t think about, The Divine
Until
It was the right time
I had be that piece of paper crumbled up

My voice
My spirit
My soul
At that point…
If you can imagine this:
A tiny microscopic organism trying to unravel the entire sheet of paper from within.
That was the fight!
Breaking
FREE
From: Within
Axé.

It’s. The Buddha in me

LGBTQ

I like quiet. And I love my Peace. I’m so Grateful to be at a place where I can quiet my own inner voice and the outside world long enough to meditate.

Cuz, for a long time, I just couldn’t.

Well, first my assumption on what meditation was based on what I had heard/saw and actually was only a small part of it.

Then there’s that whole thing of I wasn’t in the right space mentally.
I wasn’t there because I was too conflicted about myself and my identity, my partner, life etc. so that shit wasn’t happening!

Today, though 🙌 Nowadays.
Now.

I arise and give thanks.

This morning.

To the sound of the raindrops leaving their essential footprints…

To the sound of:
Rufus Cappadocia’s “Lament
(pandora radio i still fuck with you! Ty for bringing me sounds/music/artists from places and genres I would otherwise not be so quick to explore)

It was a great feeling to wake up with such peace. To live in a home and in a hood that is filled with peace.

I can hear the rain. I see the trees dancing, swaying their branches at a rhythm only the Goddess herself could command.

Nature. Gaia. Goddess.
For this peace, I Am grateful 🙏

Hope this Saturday is treating you beautifully. Til next time lovelies.

Syn.

G. C- (see)

LGBTQ, QBag, qpoc, qwoc

All friends.
Some
new acquaintances.

It’s
time for dessert

She glances at my plate
Vegan German chocolate cake…

Would you like a taste?
She smirks.

LL Cool J style
I
Lick my lips
purposely slow-

She:
Bites down on bottom lip…

shall I feed it to you? I promise you’ll love it

Eyes:

Barely blinking

Sight: never dwindling

I was hoping you would…

A Tuesday evening never felt so good.

This is (You)

Bisexual, Gay, gender, Lesbian, LGBTQ, QBag, qpoc, Queer, qwoc, sexuality, Transgender

I humbly and kindly ✨ ask that you listen to the great, Ms. Lauren whilst reading. Or not 😘

She got this Vybe like
Head nod.
Like dred. Locked-
For the cause

she got this Vybe like: Pause

Pardon my-
Visual applause
you have beauty shining
A Light that’s Blinding

and

Dîvine. Perfect timing 🙏