A quickie

Queer
When you ground and connect with your body
Connect with presence..you disconnect from consumption and overconsumption of media, background noise, even your favourite binge worthy shows. Shit is wild how uninterested you become in such things.

It just don’t hit the same.
Looking at my library at the classic and the legendary

Stillness, but not being sedentary.

Connectedness to sound and color
Emphasis on: presence in interpersonal relationships.
Support. Being there. & showing up.
Intentionally.
With a grateful heart
With clarity and abundance of appreciation for the moments that you get to spend and share with your favourite and closest people.

Disconnect, to connect.
Feel the feels usually repressed
Numbed and subdued
Consumer being consumed
With same day delivery
Post Modern Fillory

You are the magician of your own destiny
Tarot, pero

Brighter Than The Sun…UT

Queer

I wrote this piece with someone in mind. As sort of a love poem, love affirmation and manifestation. But somewhere, somehow shit got lost in translation…lost in space. But found on time. I am grateful for all of my love& life teachers, regardless of length of stay. I love being inspired and moved to write words dedicated to love. That’s the root. Everything else stems from that. So. I give thanks for presence and the essence of divinity. The reminder that love is beautiful and free. & the hope of a thing also makes life more beautiful.

Image by Alex Grey
I’m writing you poetry
And consistently show you
The love that you deserve
Intentionally, slowly
Unfold you like the most delicate petals of a rose
🌹
I will leave you whole and not pluck you
But know every day I always wanna fuck you-
& love you. & I will always pick you
While leaving your roots room to grow, too

You are my Queen bee and my flower
Love you enough to relinquish power
& control
Behold, the ferocious Goddess
& that’s being modest
Cuz there aren’t enough words to describe your beauty
truly
Divine
You and I are truly aligned
The Universe and my Ancestors are so benevolent and kind

They way they placed us together
You’re my most valued treasure
Loving you is so easy. Loving you takes no effort.
I give thanks for mutual effort
Mutual love and healthy obsession
Learning in real time that I’ve mastered the lessons
Every day I am in awe of your special
Gas you and fill you up until you’re an overflowing vessel
Of love that radiates
Nothing and no one predates
Our chemistry and energy
The way we love each other, intentionally
the generosity and blessings within our connection
Is unprecedented
You found me and gave to me-thee
Sweetest love
Your care, your affection and your time

Thank you for appreciating me
Thank you for adoring me
Thank you for reciprocity
and for loving and receiving me

Thank you for being solid
And easy like Sunday morning
A Sunday kind of love is what you give every day and it’s what I’ve always wanted
Thank you for that beautiful smile
Thank you for taking the time to get to know me on deeper levels
Your love helped me discard that hard fixed sign shell
& invited me to openness
I will always love you on purpose

Each and every day
& in every way
You bring me such joy and cognizance
Learned to lead with my heart over the simply logical sense
I love our attraction, I love our passion-it’s so intense

In the best ways
I’m excited to spend time with you knowing that these aren’t even my best days
I prayed
For someone like you and here you are
Love- a beautiful reminder that love knows no distance and is never far
away

I know that heaven is a place on Earth and it’s with you
Every day is beautiful and better than the next
I love our openness
The vulnerability
We are on the road to free
Just had to make some stops along the way
I love when you message me, I love hearing your voice-it makes my night and day
So much better
I love reading your love letters
I love receiving your love…and sharing mine with you

In tune, Direct Neptune

Queer

That’s it…that’s the tweet Blog. Ok that’s not it, but damn…this Instagram post stopped me in my fucking tracks and I HAD to share it on my Story and now, here. Because I don’t want to forget it. I don’t ever want to forget the moments that led me to this post. And how divinely timed this shit was.

The fact that I had been playing “Real Love Baby” when I first saw this post also solidified what my guides were trying to tell & remind me:

That settling for lukewarm or bare minimum effort and love is not the business. That I am worthy of a love so sublime and so divine, that it reminds me of love; that I am love(d).

Every bone in my body will be sure. With love and humans coinciding-she doesn’t have to be perfect to be the antidote, the cure…

pure vibes and love. A love affair and love story to rival any epic tale. A love that’s real. And ready. & open and willing to move through the discomfort and the temporary. My love will choose me as I do her, endlessly. She will be solid in her love and intention, not on the fence about me. Not perfect, but perfect…for me.

I could write and write and write…but I’m gonna keep it brief and soak in the words above. A reminder of a perfect love for me. Imperfectly existing, never waning or drifting. Gifting me with her presence and consistency…hold her down as she lifts me. Transporting me to heights not reached previously. & honestly nobody else exists to me… Real Love, Baby

One is loved because one is loved

Queer
Via their Instagram: Queerbrainslut

ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE VALID, NO MATTER WHAT THEY LOOK OR SEEM LIKE TO OTHERS.
I THINK IT’S SO IMPORTANT & HEALTHY TO CENTER CONNECTION-IN WHATEVER FORMS THEY MANIFEST AS LONG AS IT’S HEALTHY FOR ALL INVOLVED.

I CAN’T IMAGINE NOT APPRECIATING OR DISMISSING GENUINE & INTENTIONAL LOVE/CONNECTION BECAUSE IT DOESN’T FIT INSIDE OF A BOX.

The Alchemist

Oh, lemme just say that all caps above is from the font I was using on my IG Story that I decided to turn into this blog entry. I never use all caps like that. But I damn sure wasn’t about to retype it, lol.

So. Anyway. Back to the ideas of love & relationships fitting neatly into boxes…one thing that I learned and realized is that love is all encompassing & should never try to be contained-especially to maintain the hierarchical, patriarchal, heteronormative lens..nah. Being a queer person that shit does not work for me any longer. I’m grateful to be learning more as I grow further. & relationship anarchy is a term I’ve just recently learned.

We shouldn’t deny ourselves the pleasure and joy of loving and co-creating happiness with other humans-based on views that say it has to look this particular way or be this particular thing in order to be valid or deemed important.

Yo. Have you lived in this world? With all of the virtual everything, dependency on machines rather than humans/replacing human interaction & connection…society is disconnected enough. We should want to be connected (oh the redundancy of this word) as much as we can in a society that wants us to be separatists, unhappy, dependent on things that numb us…yo. If I connect with someone genuinely (& mutually) in any capacity, I am grateful.

I’m typically speaking of friendship, non sexual, community, etc. Friends that become family. Humans that you are close to but only see like once a year or longer for some, but still very connected. Humans that I would absolutely coparent with-but have no sexual or romantic relationship with. People that we become close to after dealing with them strictly on an online basis. Listen, I’m Uranus ruled via my Sun & my Mercury-so online friends is a thing for me. Some of my dearest people I’ve met online. So. To dismiss any of those relationships and say they aren’t valid would be a loss to the greater sense of my own personal community of humans.

Love will never belong in a box

And as a Capricorn Venus, I admit that in romantic relationships I am a bit more “traditional” in the sense that I am a monogamous person who prefers & thrives in stability and longevity. I don’t think that will every change. But, what does that look like outside and inside of those parameters? I’m more concerned with loving and experiencing the person. Intimacy and connection. Even if it doesn’t happen in the most typical or traditional way. So. I’m not denying or suppressing my love or feelings-if they there, they are there and happening on purpose. We can figure out the other details in time, but love for me, is what’s most important. And being moved by someone. Inspired by them. In awe of them and their human and divine expression. I give a shit about that. Not a box 📦 of neatly arranged and controlled, or worse, suppressed emotions.

Love is constant. & happens because it is supposed to. When it’s supposed to individuals on their journey. I would be a fool to deny such a beautiful gift.

3-4 months

Queer

I know pain, like Kurt Cobain

Or A.I. playing, hurt the whole game

-Common
How do you love the love of your life for so long...from high school sweethearts to, still very happily and blissfully together for 33 years...then in an instant* learn that you have 3 -4 months left with them before they die?

How?

Like...it seem unfathomable. surreal. 

All those years of loving. All of the history and the memories...and the planning for the future...to now have a future of 3-4 months?

Life can be benevolent, as it can be cruel. Because on one hand the type of love, bond and connection that they have nurtured, grown and maintained for all of these years is the blessing. Getting to wake up next to the love of your life every day. A partner in life and  spouse who you adore and adores you equally...someone who knows all of your quirks, hopes, fears, dreams, secrets...someone who has vowed to never leave your side...is being made to. By life. By an aggressive cancer recently discovered. 

Her life came to a complete standstill as she contemplated what kind of life would be normal, when the most normal part of her existence would soon be gone. She contemplated her breath...because it seemed as the days passed, she forgot that it was automatic. All she knew now were monitors and doctors and tests. As her partners light grew more dim, she fought the urge every day to maintain her own. 
She felt as if her own life force was slipping away, as she watched that of her partners slowly leave, day by day.

The kids and the spiritualists these days would say some new age crap about not being attached to people and some more insensitive and love lacking bullshit. But what do they know? Have they experienced this level and depth of irrefutable love, commitment or connection? No. Of course not. They are too busy being hyper independent, unattached, closed off and afraid to swim beneath any surface that requires relinquishing their perceived power or surrendering their egos to love anyone pass their "boundaries" (no matter how unhealthy they are). 
It's easy to say "don't be attached to other people" when you've never genuinely been connected to someone.
Especially someone who has seen and loved you through your best and your worst...and chose every day to love you and show up for you...for 33 years. To cheer you on and grow with you through the changed minds, changed ideals & beliefs, changed appearances and the changes of life. Your meditation partner in the mornings. Your walking buddy in the evenings after work. Your daily reminder that the Universe/God-dess/this benevolent force that brought you this wonderful, imperfect human who is completely perfect for you...is real.

What isn't real...is the current reality, as it inches towards the most unreal future. One without the love of her life. In 3-4 months.

I wish the words above were based on fiction, but unfortunately they’re based on the very recent and current journey of two of my people. Life is wild. Strange…beautiful. & At times like these…absolutely unbelievable and heartbreaking.

Letter to Her & the blessing of a Doula

Lesbian, LGBTQ, QBag, qpoc, Queer, qwoc

A vision of you
Naked
In our living room 
In the pool

Me:
Eyes-
open
Heart
OPEN
The Universe;
Open
Your legs are open
I’m looking at you
Reverently
Admiring
Your crown
Your chest
Goes up and down
Sweat dripping off your brow
Sweat dripping down my back

This. Here.
This place Is where we are at

Where river and ocean meet-in love.

And I don’t know which number cloud I am on
and you’re love, your gift is the high I’m on

Unbelievable
Surreal
I’m not sure what it is I feel
Love is overflowing
In this moment
Amidst your screams and moaning
I know now what it feels like to BE In the Moment
Cuz as your breathing
I breathe with you
I want you to know I’m here with you
I’m here for you
And I’ll never leave you
I hold your hand tightly as you squeeze mine
Every breath and every scream freezes time
You are mine
As we are crying tears of Heaven
Reign down and you bear down
And deliver the greatest gift I would ever receive: our child.

Give thanks to the Great Mother. Give thanks to the Great Goddess.

Peace and Blessings Manifest. Axé.

Neighbourhood Love, Woman

LGBTQ

You’re never too old
Too strong
Too anything…
To BE
Love(d)
& on rainy mornings
and lonely nights
I wanna hold you
Not control you
Just, offer that Peace
That I am given abundantly
To remind you of a familiar Place
Good ol’ good for ur Soul-food; have a taste
No hassle no haste
Let us just Be
Inside the calm of forgiving and compassionate Love
You
& your beauty
Your smile…
Remind me
To be an optimist.

“So. Let me hold your hands in the holes of my sweater” ❤

You remind me of what Love feels and looks like. & what it doesn’t.
& I Love that. Gratitude