I hate sounding cliché. & this is probably gonna sound cliché as hell, but 2023 is definitely a year of change. Good change. Well…I guess all change is good. Idk if I can speak for that for every single case/person, but the good change? Yeah that’s that shit I’m on.
Ok but Wtf does this have to do with the dead?
Because there are a couple people in my life, with all love- I choose not to resuscitate the connections.
Excavating the same grave
& expecting new life
When only toxicity is resurrected every time…
with her was…bird food.
& because of my very strong like, allowed myself to be breadcrumbed
Sometimes, it’s where the ones around us, the ones who claim to love and care about us…the ones we also love the most…want us to store, hide and compartmentalize;
the parts that they, their friends, surrounding and immediate communities wants us to keep hidden and locked away. Because it’s more comfortable for them, as long as that part of us is stuffed in there-without a trace, without a say.
Now, the catch is, living here on this island and in this country- even though the doors are welcomed to be open, there’s always someone there dangling locks and keys in your face, when your stuff is too boldly displayed.
wait, but not like that…
Your Paradise Is My Hell.
I Suppress Where You Vacation.
Paradise? Nah, been lost.
I usually keep my hair shaved pretty low on the sides. So I went on Instagram and searched for the least threatening/aggressive/misogynistic seeming barber on island to get a haircut since I had been back home for a while and was long overdue. Found some cool looking dudes. & got some inches off the top and back to the usual, close on the side. In barber terms i'd say probably a 1.Got home to the displeasure of my aunt and my mum, by the looks on their faces, they hated it.
I don’t like it, I like your hair when it’s longer
Make sure you don’t cut your hair anymore. I don’t like you looking so much like a boy…
According to astrology I'm in my profection year that deals with family and roots. & I'm reminded why I left this place in the first place.
All those years of being away
from these prominent figures and triggers
This trauma and drama
& these closets
& half ass acceptance
receiving whatsapp messages on repentance
feels like i'm serving a sentence
in a picturesque hell
be you; but make sure you hide that gay shit well
lest you be the topic of conversation
in a "christian nation"
I Suffer Where You Vacation
constant backlash and retaliation
simply for existing
& if you dare to be- here comes that lock and key