2Pac. Fences. (That’s just the way it is)

Queer
I love you. I have learned. For my own protection.
and self preservation (mentally, emotionally, psychologically)
That like you
when it comes to me…
I don’t like you.
The generational curse is strong in this one.
-Dear Mama

Ironically enough..My mum sent me the same clip as the gif I used as the feature image on this post (she sent the extra long clip from Fences, starring Denzel some years back. This was not a teachable moment for her. It was more of an affirming one. Matter of fact, she used that clip to REMIND me that being available emotionally, nurturing, kind, etc. was not here role as a parent. It was to provide.

She never ceases to remind me in some way that A) she never wanted kids.

And B) it’s always been more toleration than genuinely wanting to be a parent.

C)It fucking sucks to be on the receiving end of this your whole life.

Day 3. 2023. Maybe one day I’ll stop taking the shit personally. Or, maybe I won’t and this wound will forever be mine to experience. Idk.