After Mercury. & After Mars. They both retrograde right now. & it was by the grace of the twitter gods that reminded me of this astrological occurrence with those 2 planets.
Still. I hopped on WhatsApp and began typing a message to my mum. Some of the realest shit I ever wrote.
I have some things I need to get off of my chest. Release this negative energy and this pressure in my heart. Because holding things in, makes ppl explode. And itās counterproductive to any type of growth.
Why do you volunteer information that no one asked you for?
It seems like whenever (especially) you are feeling some type of way about me, you always do that. Say something to try and embarrass me or put me down in some way, in front of others.
Why do you do that? Itās so toxic and unnecessary. And just, the actions of someone who doesnāt like or actually hates the other person. Thatās how you make me feel. Please stop doing this. Itās embarrassing for the both of us esp when itās front of people.
Tonightā¦tonight I am accepting FINALLY that some generational curses, maybe just canāt be broken. Because the toxic bonds/relationships and the horrible ways we handle, treat & mistreat one anotherā¦being BLOOD relatedā¦Has got to be a curse. With the exception of aunt L and her children, we are cursed with toxicity with the women and their children.
The proof is all there. & I canāt change anything and want to do better and be better, for the both of us. To not want to have a bad relationship with my mother like Y & AV. C and AV. All of you sisters. Once you all get angry you completely cut each other off and move on. Thatās so unhealthy and so toxic.
No one apologizes. No one is accountable. We just have attitudes and stop speaking to each other. Where is the love???? Where is the compassion and understanding that we have for everyone else, but each other?
Doing the same thing, being the same harmful, mean, hurtful personā¦and expecting different results, is called insanity.
I feel like a stranger compared to the way you treat other people. Like you prefer everyone else on the planet as your child or adopted child, over me. This is how I feel. & it breaks my heart. This ya how Iāve felt for as long as I can remember.
I donāt want to live a stressful uncomfortable life. & Nobody wants to walk on eggshells as you put it. Or be in negative ass energy. I feel like emotionally and psychologically, Iām regressing here.
In this life Iāve learned that some peopleā¦just do better loving each other, from a distance.
Itās a hard pill to swallow when itās a personal truth, but I have to acknowledge and accept that this path and the way we are with each other when things go left, is not healthy. Itās not good. & this is why Iāve made the decision to detach from this toxicity.