And always, home is where my heart is-beating faithfully within my chest.
š e
home is always with/within me.
first and foremost.
A reminder. A celebrationā¦
Mercury & Mars are direct.
& I had to recollect
the story of me
Of myā¦divinity
The fact that I am loved. & adored infinitelyā¦simplyā¦
because I exist.
Give thanks.
I hate sounding clichĆ©. & this is probably gonna sound clichĆ© as hell, but 2023 is definitely a year of change. Good change. Wellā¦I guess all change is good. Idk if I can speak for that for every single case/person, but the good change? Yeah thatās that shit Iām on.
Ok but Wtf does this have to do with the dead?
Every-fucking-thing.
Because there are a couple people in my life, with all love- I choose not to resuscitate the connections.
Excavating the same grave
& expecting new life
When only toxicity is resurrected every timeā¦
Connection 2:
2022
with her wasā¦bird food.
& because of my very strong like, allowed myself to be breadcrumbed
Succumbed
To lust
& pretty potential
When in actuality
reality: this toy was shiny
But still a gun.
Capable of
An inescapable fog and inexplicable buzz
But.
Love
And Saturn returning me to center.
Shadow work and
Two names on parchment and
What is dead, is no longer
Thatās what the fuck I call higher learning.
After Mercury. & After Mars.
They both retrograde right now. & it was by the grace of the twitter gods that reminded me of this astrological occurrence with those 2 planets.
Still. I hopped on WhatsApp and began typing a message to my mum.
Some of the realest shit I ever wrote.
I have some things I need to get off of my chest. Release this negative energy and this pressure in my heart. Because holding things in, makes ppl explode. And itās counterproductive to any type of growth.
Why do you volunteer information that no one asked you for?
It seems like whenever (especially) you are feeling some type of way about me, you always do that. Say something to try and embarrass me or put me down in some way, in front of others.
Why do you do that? Itās so toxic and unnecessary. And just, the actions of someone who doesnāt like or actually hates the other person. Thatās how you make me feel. Please stop doing this. Itās embarrassing for the both of us esp when itās front of people.
Tonightā¦tonight I am accepting FINALLY that some generational curses, maybe just canāt be broken. Because the toxic bonds/relationships and the horrible ways we handle, treat & mistreat one anotherā¦being BLOOD relatedā¦Has got to be a curse. With the exception of aunt L and her children, we are cursed with toxicity with the women and their children.
The proof is all there. & I canāt change anything and want to do better and be better, for the both of us. To not want to have a bad relationship with my mother like Y & AV. C and AV. All of you sisters. Once you all get angry you completely cut each other off and move on. Thatās so unhealthy and so toxic.
No one apologizes. No one is accountable. We just have attitudes and stop speaking to each other. Where is the love???? Where is the compassion and understanding that we have for everyone else, but each other?
Doing the same thing, being the same harmful, mean, hurtful personā¦and expecting different results, is called insanity.
I feel like a stranger compared to the way you treat other people. Like you prefer everyone else on the planet as your child or adopted child, over me. This is how I feel. & it breaks my heart. This ya how Iāve felt for as long as I can remember.
I donāt want to live a stressful uncomfortable life. & Nobody wants to walk on eggshells as you put it. Or be in negative ass energy. I feel like emotionally and psychologically, Iām regressing here.
In this life Iāve learned that some peopleā¦just do better loving each other, from a distance.
Itās a hard pill to swallow when itās a personal truth, but I have to acknowledge and accept that this path and the way we are with each other when things go left, is not healthy. Itās not good. & this is why Iāve made the decision to detach from this toxicity.
In 2004, this amazing film, Closer, was released. That shit changed my life. It certainly changed the way that I looked at adult relationships and fidelity. Fucked my lil idealistic head up, if Iām being honest. Because the truth of all this;
Being human: you gon fuck up.
Might not be adultery, but being imperfect, we not always gonna get the shit right. But. Itās also how we handle things. & how the other person handles things. Because with some shit, thereās no going backwards. For me anyway. When it comes to trust and being honest with intentions, I hold that shit in high regard.
Funnies shit about that though? Just bc you hold it in high regard, doesnāt mean that the other person does. Well. Whatever the case. Broken trust, is hard pill to swallow. & falling in love (or lust) with other people absolutely can and does happen. Itās how you handle the shit as it comes up (& openly communicate about it) that can save ya some time, energy &/or heartbreak. All in all, I didnāt want to go into a new year without creating/posting content from Closer. & remix it with a lil twitter.
Iām not Rihanna I do not love the way you lie. I will block you.
Being/feeling not grounded, sucks. You notice the imbalance easier once you start living intentionally, authentically & paying tf attention.
I tried to pay attention but attention paid me.
-she will
& for that to happen (for me) I have to cut out the noise & the distractions. The demands of the outside world that holds your peaceā¦hostage.
Until youā¦
sick of making plea deals for your own sanity
Get a gripā¦
on reality
Unplug from thisā¦
status:connected (but very disconnected) fantasy
& get back to nature. Which is also meaning to get back to the root: get back to you.
It gets easier once you start to strip away layers of agreements that were made-with and without your consent.
The peaceā¦of saying ānoā is unmatched. & not in a mean, stingy way of beingā¦nah. In a selfish way of being. Yeah, selfish. If that means taking care of self, Iām for it. Not harmful to others or cruel. No.
Caring for othersā¦comes secondary to caring for you.
You are the root.
Water. You need water.
Sometimes,
I just wanna bare my soul
Release all this weight from this heart of gold
& simply,
Let it be
Rest
in anotherās thoughts, anotherās regardā¦in another context
We both fixed signs so we test on who does stubborn the best
I guessā¦
We both do.
I jest,
but Iām no fool
The Emperor and Magician
Qing of Pentacles, Capricorn Venus
Jupiter in Scorpio
7H Virgoā¦The meanest, cleanest
Rawest love
That water love
Sometimes inundates
Those coming from being used to half ass, low vibrational plates
Thereās only so much we can leave to fate
2 individuals on their individual missions
Gotta share that Mariah Carey, vision
Of love
That feels likeā¦
Soaking under the full moon wit your lover in a claw foot tub š
absolute peace
It could all beā¦if we ready
Also. I find it VERY interesting that Coach Stormy has an Aquarius AND a Leo stellium šš« Here is a couple tweets about her astrology:
The power of your mindā¦& combine that with visualization?
You making shit happen āØ
Cuz look at how Mercedes saw Roulette & Whispers audition & in the mix of it, her mind took her to the stage, watching them headline and perform that routine-
Whichā¦they in fact did later on-JUST how Mercedes saw them in her mind at the audition.
Shit is wild.
& the power you possess is real.
What are you powering up/giving your power to?
What thoughts, what fears are you contemplating, visualizing, overthinking into existence?
Yes, you absolutely wield that type of power. Use that shit wisely, my loves.
Yāall remember That scene when Lauren Hawkins (Health department chick who shut the Pynk down in season 2) was getting her lap dance from Gidget? This was in the VIP room in season 1.
She was having a grand old time, a phenomenal time living it up and celebrating her divorce settlement and subsequent blowing her divorce settlement on titties and street shit (IYKYK-itās a reference to another character)
Butā¦the thing about depression and sadness and especially if you are good at masking/ or a high, or otherwise, functioning depressed individual.
But you could (seemingly) be on top of the world and all of a suddenā¦then thoughts creep up. Reality sets back in and this amazing experience is overshadowed by what you really got going on inside.
It can hit you and fuck your shit up and remind you that you really are not OK.
So.
Yeah that scene wit Laurenā¦that moment happened quickly and was brief as fuck. & if you not paying attention, you could miss it.
but Iāve experienced enough to overstand what that sadness in the midst of heaven can feel like. & itās ok. You will have your moments.
Do your best to not let those moments become your entire story. But acknowledging the shit is healthy. Pretending and suppressing, is not.
Yeah. Thatās all I got for now.
I used that line from 1 of my fave shows, P-Valley. If you follow any of my other socials (Twitter, Instagram) then you know how much I absolutely love this show.
Ok. So why tf is that line the title of this post?
Because I felt like it. & I felt like it because the moments that I experienced leading up to even thinking of that line, had me feeling like Murda when Keyshawn showed him the WSHH feature with them. That energy. That Soul Glo āØ cuz you now in the process of mining ā your own diamondsā¦& once you realizeā¦that you are also the Diamond š game fucking changer.
What a time. What a life, Jhene Aiko. Seeing your shit come to fruition-in the divinely timed order itās sposed to āØ
The feeling of having pride in your work and what the fuck you put out into the world. & also tremendous gratitude for what was, whatās happening rn and for allllll the beautiful, magical, wonderful experiences coming.
Give thanks. Gratitude for the doors and windows šŖ thatās opening for me-& the right ones at that. The ones that feel good. That feel at ease. That feel joyful. Thatās for my highest good & the highest good if all involved. Them joints that feel right & aligned āØ give thanks.
I am so pleased, so grateful and sooo excited to be sharing this Podcast & more of myself with you.
As you will hear in the Podcast, I am a 12H sun. With Jupiter in my 8Hā¦Capricorn Mercury and Venusā¦ine into foolishness.
This 12H energy has me in the cut working on self in several ways, which Iām not mad about at all. & sometimes, I am beckoned to āshow my faceā & in this case, share my voice.
So. Here I Am.
& I am absolutely delighted to be able to share some of my innermost thoughts & feels regarding dating and mating with Astrology-& how you relate to your own birth chart.
Big up and Big love to all of the professional astrologers that have guided me these last few years and really helped a bih understand more and grow.
I am ever grateful for every opportunity and every gift. & this Podcast was certainly that.
Big love always to my beloved colleague, fellow author, writer, bad ass Scorpio witch and friend, Kat.
Give thanks for our queer family tree thatās been growin from AOL online/chat room times (yeah we old-ish) lol. Iām hella grateful for such a wonderful opportunity. That shit was hella fun.
āLord, we ask that you bless The Pynk tonight as we try to go out with one lastā¦big ass bang.ā
-Uncle Clifford
Yo.
They say be careful what you wish for.
& to be very intentional with the words you use & speak over yourself/your life and others.
Cuz Murda Night sure did go out wit a big ass bang š«
& my bb Uncle Clifford spoke that into existence š
& co-created with all the other elements necessary for Murda Night to end the way it did.
Tender boys who grew up wit they Grammy
And all her cats
Left to sit back
Cuz when he walk, he got a switch back
That earned him tenure at her house
Jason,
Sweet as pie and quiet as a mouse
Played in the yard, barely left the house
Boys like him was hushed at an early age
At the early stage
When da men dem peep his ways
His true self died at an early age
Like his body did, from AIDS
If I could take a turn back of the page
I would hug him so tight
Let him know that itās alright
To love and to like...who you like
To be who you be
As softly
As you would like to walk these island streets
Bey I wish I was older when we did meet
I just remember the smile
The smile that showed me early, it was ok to be the Sun
even if some folks prefer shadeā¦
Jason,
I remember you.
I honor you.
I love you.
My first known queer Ancestor
I remember āØš
~Syn
Just wondering š
You can like someone as a person-
what they stand for, how they think and move in the world
how great of a parent they areā¦
but that still doesnāt make them compatible with you, as your partner.
Queer, Gifted & Black 