I’m not ok, Lauren. HBU?

Queer

Y’all remember That scene when Lauren Hawkins (Health department chick who shut the Pynk down in season 2) was getting her lap dance from Gidget? This was in the VIP room in season 1.

She was having a grand old time, a phenomenal time living it up and celebrating her divorce settlement and subsequent blowing her divorce settlement on titties and street shit (IYKYK-it’s a reference to another character)

But…the thing about depression and sadness and especially if you are good at masking/ or a high, or otherwise, functioning depressed individual.

But you could (seemingly) be on top of the world and all of a sudden…then thoughts creep up. Reality sets back in and this amazing experience is overshadowed by what you really got going on inside.

It can hit you and fuck your shit up and remind you that you really are not OK.

So.

Yeah that scene wit Lauren…that moment happened quickly and was brief as fuck. & if you not paying attention, you could miss it.

but I’ve experienced enough to overstand what that sadness in the midst of heaven can feel like. & it’s ok. You will have your moments.

Do your best to not let those moments become your entire story. But acknowledging the shit is healthy. Pretending and suppressing, is not.

Yeah. That’s all I got for now.

“I’m Glowin The Fuck Up!” -Lil Murda

Queer

I used that line from 1 of my fave shows, P-Valley. If you follow any of my other socials (Twitter, Instagram) then you know how much I absolutely love this show.

Ok. So why tf is that line the title of this post?

Because I felt like it. & I felt like it because the moments that I experienced leading up to even thinking of that line, had me feeling like Murda when Keyshawn showed him the WSHH feature with them. That energy. That Soul Glo ✨ cuz you now in the process of mining ⛏ your own diamonds…& once you realize…that you are also the Diamond 💎 game fucking changer.

What a time. What a life, Jhene Aiko. Seeing your shit come to fruition-in the divinely timed order it’s sposed to ✨

The feeling of having pride in your work and what the fuck you put out into the world. & also tremendous gratitude for what was, what’s happening rn and for allllll the beautiful, magical, wonderful experiences coming.

Give thanks. Gratitude for the doors and windows 🪟 that’s opening for me-& the right ones at that. The ones that feel good. That feel at ease. That feel joyful. That’s for my highest good & the highest good if all involved. Them joints that feel right & aligned ✨ give thanks.

PODCAST: The Joyful Experience

I am so pleased, so grateful and sooo excited to be sharing this Podcast & more of myself with you.

As you will hear in the Podcast, I am a 12H sun. With Jupiter in my 8H…Capricorn Mercury and Venus…ine into foolishness.

This 12H energy has me in the cut working on self in several ways, which I’m not mad about at all. & sometimes, I am beckoned to “show my face” & in this case, share my voice.

So. Here I Am.

& I am absolutely delighted to be able to share some of my innermost thoughts & feels regarding dating and mating with Astrology-& how you relate to your own birth chart.

Big up and Big love to all of the professional astrologers that have guided me these last few years and really helped a bih understand more and grow.

I am ever grateful for every opportunity and every gift. & this Podcast was certainly that.

Big love always to my beloved colleague, fellow author, writer, bad ass Scorpio witch and friend, Kat.

Give thanks for our queer family tree that’s been growin from AOL online/chat room times (yeah we old-ish) lol. I’m hella grateful for such a wonderful opportunity. That shit was hella fun.

Syncere, Guest Host. The Joyful Experience Podcast, August, 2022

Listen To Full Podcast Here

Tender Boys & Mama (Ms. Ernestine)

Queer

Tender boys who grew up wit they Grammy
And all her cats
Left to sit back
Cuz when he walk, he got a switch back
That earned him tenure at her house

Jason,
Sweet as pie and quiet as a mouse
Played in the yard, barely left the house

Boys like him was hushed at an early age
At the early stage
When da men dem peep his ways
His true self died at an early age

Like his body did, from AIDS

If I could take a turn back of the page
I would hug him so tight
Let him know that it’s alright
To love and to like...who you like

To be who you be
As softly
As you would like to walk these island streets
Bey I wish I was older when we did meet

I just remember the smile

The smile that showed me early, it was ok to be the Sun
even if some folks prefer shade…


Jason,
I remember you.
I honor you.
I love you.

My first known queer Ancestor
I remember ✨🕊
~Syn
Uncle Clifford and Ms. Ernestine

Prayers v Puscee

Queer

What in the cosmos…

Ok a few planets are in Aries, rn, if I’m not mistaken. I remember someone mentioning 4 of them by May 24th- which, ironically is my Gem Sun/Leo/Taurus ex’s birthday. Also coincidentally, she has her Venus in Aries. Which I just found out recently, but explainsssss A Lot 🤓

But I digress from the main Aries point. If you’re not an Astro Heaux like I am one (I’m not a professional, I’m an enthusiast who appreciates all the ways that learning about astrology has enlightened me) I will post an infographic on Aries for you to give you an insight to what the vibe is:

So.

This Aries energy in the sky, rn. Add that to Mercury being in Gemini 🤔 perhaps it might be the reason for what I’m about to say. Oh & it’s eclipse season andddd almost Mercury retrograde. Pluto is already retrograde to. Sooo who am I to deny this energy the cosmos has beseeched upon us 🫡

Ok. Now

If I’m replying to your personal stories featuring selfies, low key (& high key 🔑 ) thirst traps with heart eyes- wait & I say personal because I heart eyes other shit all the time; pets, delicious looking plates of food, etc, but not anyones selfie or no shit like that…because I don’t want anyone getting the wrong impression. Unless it’s one of my gay ass friends beings exceptionally fucking fabulous, thas different.

So if I heart eyes the image or video of YOU, or share some choice (always respectful- I don’t get *disrespectful til we start dating and & even more so when we start mating 😈) words of enthusiasm, based on what I see/admire/lust for 😂…and you hit a nigga with the prayer hands 🙏🏿…I’ma stop sending them. & assume (like I heard someone say- prolly saw it on twitter, tbh) No hard feelings, but I’m prolly not the intended audience 🎯 of said image or thirst trap…& I gotta respect it and keep it pushin.

To be honest, I didn’t want your prayers, I wanted your pussy.

Bless

Blessed.
Like you riding my face and baptizing me in your wet-

Lemme chill, lol. Also, today feels like it’s ruled by Venus, but Jupiter calls the shots. I ain’t mad at it. I fuck with the vibe.

*disrespectful* = respectfully nasty and freaky, but sooo much so-that it seems disrespectful. For ex. “disrespectful sex”

Get it? Well. IYKYK 🤷🏾‍♂️

Jung Gods (Do What Thou Will, Shall Be The Law)

Queer

Someone asked me the other day if I believe that free will is a thing…

One of the greatest things about being human, IMO, is free will. & choice. You are the decider of things. & I am grateful for the choice to opt out of relationships that aren’t healthy.

It’s really good to acknowledge this because just like with email subscriptions, you can unsubscribe from a relationship that is draining, too difficult, one-sided, unhealthy/toxic, etc. Or even ones that are stagnant, don’t move or excite you. & it’s no hard feelings. No soft ones either, lol. It’s the indifference especially that is also a deciding factor.

Are we growing together? Individually?

I’m sitting up under the remnants of the Libra full moon. Contemplating. Full Moons are about release and letting go. So.

G&P for Tee Are

Queer

How do you say:
I wanna dive deep wit you
Share energy, space, knowledge, wisdom & sheets, wit you
Silk, to Egyptian cotton
The art of courting seems to be lost on many, & to some-forgotten
& I wanna remind you & awaken the beast in you
Be peace with you
As we lay in the mutual space of love that time can’t erase
With me your heart is safe
My abundance of love is for you

How do you…
say this and so much more?
Like:
Mi amor
Only you I am here to worship and adore
As
Is…

G&P

In tune, Direct Neptune

Queer

That’s it…that’s the tweet Blog. Ok that’s not it, but damn…this Instagram post stopped me in my fucking tracks and I HAD to share it on my Story and now, here. Because I don’t want to forget it. I don’t ever want to forget the moments that led me to this post. And how divinely timed this shit was.

The fact that I had been playing “Real Love Baby” when I first saw this post also solidified what my guides were trying to tell & remind me:

That settling for lukewarm or bare minimum effort and love is not the business. That I am worthy of a love so sublime and so divine, that it reminds me of love; that I am love(d).

Every bone in my body will be sure. With love and humans coinciding-she doesn’t have to be perfect to be the antidote, the cure…

pure vibes and love. A love affair and love story to rival any epic tale. A love that’s real. And ready. & open and willing to move through the discomfort and the temporary. My love will choose me as I do her, endlessly. She will be solid in her love and intention, not on the fence about me. Not perfect, but perfect…for me.

I could write and write and write…but I’m gonna keep it brief and soak in the words above. A reminder of a perfect love for me. Imperfectly existing, never waning or drifting. Gifting me with her presence and consistency…hold her down as she lifts me. Transporting me to heights not reached previously. & honestly nobody else exists to me… Real Love, Baby

Tramazon

Queer, Transgender

You know how privileged it is to say to someone, particularly a poor, trans woman of color living in the South:

“Live Out Loud. Live your Truth,” etc.

I mean that sounds wonderful and inspiring in theory if:

You didn’t have to walk down the street in a neighborhoods inhabited by many ignorances of color (ignorance comes in every shade)

If:

You didn’t have to take public transportation.

There she was.

6’2. Blonde wig, face beat with make-up  done by the gods. Light eyes and a strut that could walk the runways of Paris.

She got on the bus and immediately, all eyes and all heightened senses of the monsters, peaked.

“You by yourself? Where’s your mama at?” She asked to the two children sitting across from her.

“No,” they giggled. They seemed to be between the ages of  8-11. “Our daddy is on here too.”

She smiled. Then proclaimed, “Ok good.”

The two ignorances behind me snickered:

“The end of days. You hear me. The end”

She proceeded to mind her business and look at her own reflection in her phones screen.

I believe she felt them:

The eyes. The hills and evil has them.

She continuously looked at her self, fidgeting and checking to see if her face (& indeed she) was still in tact. I could feel her discomfort. As ignorances piled up on the route, at one particular stop, she flung her 6’2 frame up and into the front of the bus before it had stopped.

The stares, the mumbles…pushed her forward.

Once at the front of the bus and her back facing everyone else, she took off her wig and proceeded to run her fingers through her own hair; which was about ear length and brown with purple streaks at the ends.

That mirror: her phone, which seemed to be her own saviour and comfort, she stayed looking into. Her legs twitched. She focused on her reflection the entire ride.

And I wonder, how difficult it must be to be her. In her shoes. In her own skin, where the world around her is a threat to her simply wanting to exist. To live. To be. To breathe and be in peace, as herself. How does she find the courage to walk in this world as a trans woman of color and NOT be effected by its ignorance. She can’t. She can’t even ride the fucking bus in peace.

God Bless the freaks.

Goddess Bless the beings who have to catch their breath in every moment; from a world where people are always trying to steal it.

*Featured Image* Viccky Gutierrez, a transgender woman from Honduras who was stabbed and had her body set ablaze inside her Los Angeles home on January 10, 2018.

 

This is (You)

Bisexual, Gay, gender, Lesbian, LGBTQ, QBag, qpoc, Queer, qwoc, sexuality, Transgender

I humbly and kindly ✨ ask that you listen to the great, Ms. Lauren whilst reading. Or not 😘

She got this Vybe like
Head nod.
Like dred. Locked-
For the cause

she got this Vybe like: Pause

Pardon my-
Visual applause
you have beauty shining
A Light that’s Blinding

and

Dîvine. Perfect timing 🙏

She Found Me, Though

Lesbian, LGBTQ

So we get this clear

“Do that magic trick you do again; appearing outta thin air”

& then

I was here

&

She was there. & here

We were.

Familiar.

Not finding Nemo but finding one another.

In a crowd

Filled with loud

A shroud of alcohol

Mixed with Biggie Smalls from this speaker

I’m not sure who is the Student

Or

The Teacher

I just know you reached the

Core of me

In the core of literally

thousands

You found me…
&

Maybe…

I finally found you

& I travelled a long way

& I step back

Cuz our journey will reach destination one day.

Sugar Apple

Lesbian, LGBTQ, qpoc, qwoc

…Sugar. Apple

So many layers to your sweet
So many layers to peel away &

Eat

Hmmm.

Visual ecstasy when you’re ridin…
Next to me

You check for me
& me?
I could fuck with you forever, maybe
If its meant to Be…for now i will enjoy, love and indulge in your essence-presently

Believe me ima dig deep
& we not about get much sleep for weeks
Your smile gets me weak

& Your Kiss

…You…

You gave me the Kiss of Life

Strength & empowerment in your eyes
When you stand by my side with…Pride

That’s what a Soul needs. Love. Care
Dedication &…motivation
& ima give & receive

69 both our emotional, sexual, soul-filled/desire filled/lust & passion fueled, needs.

And. Love is paramount. So.

With Patience

We shall Proceed