How do you say:
I wanna dive deep wit you
Share energy, space, knowledge, wisdom & sheets, wit you
Silk, to Egyptian cotton
The art of courting seems to be lost on many, & to some-forgotten
& I wanna remind you & awaken the beast in you
Be peace with you
As we lay in the mutual space of love that time can’t erase
With me your heart is safe
My abundance of love is for you
How do you…
say this and so much more?
Only you I am here to worship and adore
I wrote this piece with someone in mind. As sort of a love poem, love affirmation and manifestation. But somewhere, somehow shit got lost in translation…lost in space. But found on time. I am grateful for all of my love& life teachers, regardless of length of stay. I love being inspired and moved to write words dedicated to love. That’s the root. Everything else stems from that. So. I give thanks for presence and the essence of divinity. The reminder that love is beautiful and free. & the hope of a thing also makes life more beautiful.
I’m writing you poetry
And consistently show you
The love that you deserve
Unfold you like the most delicate petals of a rose
I will leave you whole and not pluck you
But know every day I always wanna fuck you-
& love you. & I will always pick you
While leaving your roots room to grow, too
You are my Queen bee and my flower
Love you enough to relinquish power
Behold, the ferocious Goddess
& that’s being modest
Cuz there aren’t enough words to describe your beauty
You and I are truly aligned
The Universe and my Ancestors are so benevolent and kind
They way they placed us together
You’re my most valued treasure
Loving you is so easy. Loving you takes no effort.
I give thanks for mutual effort
Mutual love and healthy obsession
Learning in real time that I’ve mastered the lessons
Every day I am in awe of your special
Gas you and fill you up until you’re an overflowing vessel
Of love that radiates
Nothing and no one predates
Our chemistry and energy
The way we love each other, intentionally
the generosity and blessings within our connection
You found me and gave to me-thee
Your care, your affection and your time
Thank you for appreciating me
Thank you for adoring me
Thank you for reciprocity
and for loving and receiving me
Thank you for being solid
And easy like Sunday morning
A Sunday kind of love is what you give every day and it’s what I’ve always wanted
Thank you for that beautiful smile
Thank you for taking the time to get to know me on deeper levels
Your love helped me discard that hard fixed sign shell
& invited me to openness
I will always love you on purpose
Each and every day
& in every way
You bring me such joy and cognizance
Learned to lead with my heart over the simply logical sense
I love our attraction, I love our passion-it’s so intense
In the best ways
I’m excited to spend time with you knowing that these aren’t even my best days
For someone like you and here you are
Love- a beautiful reminder that love knows no distance and is never far
I know that heaven is a place on Earth and it’s with you
Every day is beautiful and better than the next
I love our openness
We are on the road to free
Just had to make some stops along the way
I love when you message me, I love hearing your voice-it makes my night and day
So much better
I love reading your love letters
I love receiving your love…and sharing mine with you
That’s it…that’s the
tweet Blog. Ok that’s not it, but damn…this Instagram post stopped me in my fucking tracks and I HAD to share it on my Story and now, here. Because I don’t want to forget it. I don’t ever want to forget the moments that led me to this post. And how divinely timed this shit was.
The fact that I had been playing “Real Love Baby” when I first saw this post also solidified what my guides were trying to tell & remind me:
That settling for lukewarm or bare minimum effort and love is not the business. That I am worthy of a love so sublime and so divine, that it reminds me of love; that I am love(d).
Every bone in my body will be sure. With love and humans coinciding-she doesn’t have to be perfect to be the antidote, the cure…
pure vibes and love. A love affair and love story to rival any epic tale. A love that’s real. And ready. & open and willing to move through the discomfort and the temporary. My love will choose me as I do her, endlessly. She will be solid in her love and intention, not on the fence about me. Not perfect, but perfect…for me.
I could write and write and write…but I’m gonna keep it brief and soak in the words above. A reminder of a perfect love for me. Imperfectly existing, never waning or drifting. Gifting me with her presence and consistency…hold her down as she lifts me. Transporting me to heights not reached previously. & honestly nobody else exists to me… Real Love, Baby
Presence & Acknowledgements
Presence takes on a whole new meaning for me this year-a more intentional and actual/factual meaning.
Standing in the sand ocean against feet. & Being able to look so clearly at the stars in the sky. It reminds you of how smalll you are. & how big…grand, vast…erry thing out there is. & how things are orchestrated divinely, over our own human understanding of things.
One thing that I know for sure: I am still learning and growing. And people show up exactly on time-to remind us of what being present and grounded is AND all of the ways that we may not be. Fuck.
In the midst of building a home (thank the Goddess we are nearing the finish line as the year ends, I have never felt so overwhelmed) transitioning to a whole new life and dealing with familial roots and dynamics that I haven’t been around in the last…24 or so years…it’s been a lot.
But I’m very grateful for the things that I’m learning and being connected with them again. This December makes a whole ass year since I’ve been back and it has been…1 for the books, lol. & as much as everything in my body and mind was ready to head in the opposite direction ✈️ …there is a purpose that I’m back here now. For how long? I don’t know yet. But knowing that my presence here is for something bigger than me-for family and making sure my mum is good and in a brand new home, settled after losing everything in Hurricane Dorian…is what makes every fear and uncertainty, doubt, regret…dissipate. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about how in an instant I almost lost her and the majority of my family on my Mums side…life is…fucking wild.
& when I speak of regret and doubt-it’s me speaking on my own personal demons and journey of giving up a life I have known in another country for the last 20+ years and all of the comforts, the freedom (as a queer person) and ease…that I made the very hard (but easy) decision to leave.
Because my presence was needed here. Presence. Again, that word. This reflection I’m experiencing I suppose is pretty on brand with the year coming to a close.
This post is also pertaining to a connection that I once viewed as promising and refreshing…& I still give it that, as it was. So. Now I’m boutta digress. & since my site has the word confession in it, what did you expect? Lol
I’m…hmm. Acknowledging that people are allowed to change their minds. & allowed to make decisions and choices based on what’s best for them…I have to move forward in that logical space of processing. I believe it was Chani Nicholas who posted up about Sagittarius season and called it the season of “spirited ghosting” 👻 & as a Sagg Moon…the shit is awful, but made sense and made me chuckle when I read it. However, it’s not the best feeling when it’s done to you. As anyone who has ever been on that side of the fence can attest.
Have I done it before? I’m pretty sure I have in my past. Before I grew into the person that I am now. And. So now, I’m tasked with practicing what I am always preaching (from the book The Four Agreements) & 1)doing my best to 2) not take personal someone making a personal decision for themselves. Ehhhh.
Astrologer Danielle (one of my faves) said that your rising is there to protect your Sun. And with Pisces as my rising…umm I dunno bout that 😂 jk, jk. Because with my Aquarius Sun and Sagg Moon…I definitely needed to have that water rising to protect my Sun (at 29° Leo, no doubt) and me from being too hard, selfish, egotistical, self consumed, etc….that water is so necessary. & even though we know the fish can be a bit much sometimes, it’s exactly what I needed to provide the balance necessary that I always strive towards lined up with my Air sun, Fire Moon and Earth Venus. Perfect. For me. & for whomever I end up aligned with in a relationship.
Because I understand now. And I’m so much better and letting things be exactly what they are, without attaching negatively to it, idealizing or romanticizing it to the point of delusion…Neptune can make you do that shit, lol. But. I realize that I can’t do anything with the potential of a thing, only the reality of it. Fuck.
Wisdom comes at a cost, lol. You see me here intellectually speaking on this shit, but I would be lying if I sat here typing and said that this presence and then absence of something/someone hasn’t affected me at all. I’m a human, not a robot contrary to typical Aquarius slander. It’s affected me. Not in an egotistical way though-because like I said, everyone has a right to do what is best for them & I always say that no one belongs to anyone else- but changed me in a way that has helped me grow. I was able to open up and show my vulnerable side to someone (I usually don’t that quickly-Capricorn Venus-lemme stop there because this connection has proven that I have grown) so being open and vulnerable with someone was once a challenge. But. This perfect alignment with her (be it short lived) has shown me all the the ways I have grown for the better. & not being bitter about something that I had so much hope for dissipating the way it did.
It gives me hope and I am grateful for being able to see me; as the person that I was once working to become (in relation to relating to someone I’m feeling/interested in romantically). Fuck. Because I know when I do align and connect with someone on this level again, I know that I’ve done the work and am capable of giving and sharing love, care, myself etc wholeheartedly…with only the intentions of giving and receiving the highest love. Sans unhealthy attachment, ego, none of that shit that I used to deal/rock with.
It’s fucking possible! Lol. It’s a great feeling amidst being bummed about something not going according to my own human plan-but the Universe and my Ancestors…they know what’s up and I trust them. That every redirection of energy and attention is for my highest good and the highest good of all involved.
That’s the shit, man. Because I always say that things are always working out for me-for my highest good AND the highest good of all involved…sometimes I just wanna be selfish and just say for my own highest good, Lolol. But. That’s not what love is. If we being real. I want shit to work for me, but also for you, too. I want it to be working for the higher good for us both. Smh. When tf did I become this person, lol. Well. I am grateful to be here, now. As I am.
I’m here to give and share real love (Cancer 5H and NN) with others. Remind them that they are worthy of the greatest love and care. Might not be from me forever, but they are worthy nonetheless. & acknowledging that I can’t do the work for anyone else but myself. & I am only responsible for me and how I choose to show up. That being said, I will never regret giving or sharing any of my love/care/concern with anyone, because it’s who I am. I’m a fucking lover, man. & I’m grateful for those who see me, feel me, receive me as I am and choose to intentionally show up and reciprocate. & for the ones who don’t, can’t/are unable to for whatever reason…peace to them.
Everyone is my teacher.
Eternally grateful for my life teachers that bless me with lessons that I needed to see/learn. To help fix my vision and readjustment of frequencies. Operating from fear, or embodying of a “runner/chaser” energy is not it. Because anything that is avoiding or running…doesn’t want to be chased. Shit makes sense don’t it? That’s not the type of energy I desire. I’m operating from a space of love and alignment now. & knowing that I am worthy of all the love that I give out. All the good shit, I am worthy of. And as I exhale and release this long ass post of acknowledgments, I am extremely grateful to be here. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Energy never lies. Humans do, Lol. Energy, does not. But I’m not even speaking on someone just flat out lying. I’m speaking on…how do I best translate my exact sentiments into words….ok, I’ll start here:
Being divine, but still very human…in times of uncertainty, perhaps even fear; fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of something or someone that comes into our lives unexpectedly & flips our shit inside and out (in a good way)…&/or being out of your comfort zone (as a fixed sign-that will forever be one of our challenges) but also one of our greatest opportunities to expand and grow. Ok what the shit am I rambling about today, you ask? lol, I’m getting to it.
I was scrolling through my gallery & saw a screenshot of a previous post featuring the words of Harvey Milk. Which I’m about to share below & hopefully you have a better understanding of wtf I’m talking about:
Don’t let people happen to you…don’t let me happen to you…Harvey Milk
The more I read his words, the more I realize that he was so in tune. With self. With being present. With acknowledging and accepting just how beautiful and intentional love- & people who show up and remind you of love, humans who appear and bring us back on course, is. Well, not to say that we are necessarily off course. Because I’m a huge advocate for finding and becoming the happiness, love, etc. first and foremost, as opposed to seeking it solely and wholly outside of yourself.
Nah, what I mean is the course of divine love that shows up in the form of other humans. Even in the most seemingly inoppurtune times or not perfect or ideal situations.
Being fearless & open to the possibility of a thing. Saying yes, this is what I aligned with, this thing is worthy of my yes, to begin with.
Raw. & unguarded.
No filter. No armor. Just feelings. Feelings that you trust because you know yourself. You’ve healed yourself from heartaches & heartbreak that you once thought there was no coming back from. You’ve loved yourself into discernment & intuition that is aligned with the divine plans of your beloved Ancestors and spirit guides. So…you know. You know what’s real because you feel it. & trusting your journey and your path as it unfolds…know that everyone is on purpose.
Calm. Breathing Lessons by Theresa Davis. That’s the shit I need to remember seeing performed and how my heart sank and tears escaped my eyes back then…back when…I was afraid to love openly and honestly.
I’m present now. & Like Miss Simone sang:
It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day. It’s a new lifeFeeling Good
& I choose to be seen and expose: the work that had to be done, layers that had to be removed and all the ways I had to come apart and unfold…to now wear my heart on my sleeve.
So. I read and receive these words by Milk. Reminding of being in the flow…plus the urgency of expressing and sharing love, intentionally-if I’m not to happen to you, or you me.
Sans fear. Sans ego. Sans…anything that you use to deny yourself of the beautiful connections & embrace of genuine and divine love.
I really and truly love when I witness a work and body of art that moves me completely. I’m on the last episode of this limited series called “Scenes From A Marriage” and I’m…Disheveled to my core. & reborn.
Because I see bits and pieces in my own villain/lover original sin-love story; the similarities and reminders of one of my deepest loves. & conversations that were happening that I couldn’t fathom their meaning because I was too stuck on the in between of a deferred dream and my ideals…based on what I thought was supposed to happen.
My idealistic take on love and what being in a relationship was. Fuck me…these scenes remind me of that lucid dream. & the reality of my ex’s humanity in seeing that our dreams were parallel until they weren’t. Her raw honesty. & how sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees, based on your own hurt, or your own worth-or, perhaps lack there of.
Either way, this show really reached into the depths of me. Reminded me of reality. & how beautiful it is to be loved and be human. All of the messy and complicated parts included. So. In conclusion, I wrote some words about it:
Is there some ONE for every ONE?
Or are we simply to experience
Different lovers, different ideas & learn what the meaning is
Contained within each vessel is a lesson
& sometimes a curse
We hurt, we scream, we cry, we mourn until...we remember our worth
& what works
& truly what doesn’t
On slippery slopes we slide
Until we collide
Until we collapse
Learn the meaning
Of what isn’t
Until one day we decide to put away
The label makers
& realize the humanness of loving each other boldly & making mistakes along the way
Whose to say
That I can’t belong to me only
& give to you still
A cup that’s filled
Drinking from crystal glasses
20/20 with rose tinted spectacles
We give everyone permanency & make them a collectible
We hoard them, put them on a shelf right next to their pedestal
To be polished so we can never see them with their subtle scars & prominent scratches
We speak about the happiness
Of having them
But never fully experience them beyond the shell of our perceptions and expectations
Erase the individual wants and needs
have done ourselves a disservice
Make it our purpose to worship
Holy, but not common ground
Just to feel safe & sound
I want you around
But only after you’ve found
Love your missteps
Love is politically incorrect
An emotional treasure within a shipwreck
emotional rebirth & death
On our tippy toes the closer we reach for depth
And learn to swim in the abyss
That elicits a sharp breath
Uncontrollable we try to make it a point to hold onto that which we don’t know
Write a script for love instead of
Letting it all naturally come together and unfold
Without permission we assign roles
The rules were skewed
a long time ago...
That’s why you must decide your own
Find your home
Rest your bones
There a place for your comb
and your calm.
Recognizing and acknowledging what love isn’t.
& the way we do that is by opening ourselves and our hearts once again.
Kinda reminds me of that Dr. Maya Angelou quote:
Have enough courage to trust love one more time
Oh, & this gem:
Love is a condition so powerful; it may be that which pulls the stars in the firmament. It may be that which pushes and urges the blood in the veins. Courage: you have to have courage to love somebody because you risk everything – everything.
It’s all a risk because some people and their intentions can be complete and utter shit.
But to achieve bliss, in this sense...it’s always worth it. Because the more you open yourself up to it, the more you grow/better you get (hopefully)
‘cause in love and growth begets clarity, discernment & healthier boundaries
You found me
After I found myself
We attracted one another after we stopped telling and living outdated stories & left those books on the shelf.
So. Here we are. Here we go. So much to lose and heaven to gain. Scorpio season always reminds me of transmutation. & these darker seasons urging me to be patient while living in a matrix & the land of instant gratification.
So, back to the lesson
& what I feel I’m being taught...
how to not
give up on love
& I had to stop
& expecting perfection from imperfect humans
When most of us are just doing our best
From where we at
What we understand, perceive and know to be true
Our current level of consciousness is proof
Happily ever is an attainable endeavor
Never, weather permitting
Admitting that we belong to ourselves first and only
& not to continue to commit to lofty, idealistic ideas and standards of love-because we’re lonely
Love is not that
Happily ever after...about that
I learned that
Nobody is promised to you forever
So I vow to love you and be your partner as long as we both agree to
As long as it’s healthy for the both of us
Not because time or history
The thing about love...it’s a beautiful mystery
To be discovered
unraveled and learned over and over til the end of time
Til we get it “right”
& feel like
Our whole & complete selves are not compromised
For the sake of union
I want you
All of what makes you, you.
& I promise to present the same to you
Scars, healing, and truth
An ever evolving human and work in progress, to be continued
Home cooked meals
Remind me of…
I smile from within
-we-are never far from Syn…
Are never far from me
Seasons come & go
But Soulmates, well, you never know.
And I had never known.
So. All that you can offer, I thank you.
I gave her my
What does that mean
I think too fucking much & should go to bed
What does it?
Knowing the circumstances
Idk. I just felt like she deserved one that came w/o a return to Sender…
With my lovers heart
Play and lay by the fire
Guided by guilty pleasures
In all your splendor-
This was supposed to be romantic…