Me and bae in a dimly lit lounge.
Sippin drinks with clever names & shit hard to pronounce
We stare into the eyes of each other’s abyss-
& welcome it
With open arms
I worship her body as a living, breathing psalm…
I booked us an exquisite suite
in the boutique-
hotel not too far from here
In our gay village, surrounded by community
It’s a full moon eclipse
Embrace our lunacy…
Too goddamn powerful to ever be tamed
Music is playing
“Diamond” by All Them Witches
You, look absolutely delicious.
to be devoured
I, ready to oblige
damn, your eyes..
In this dimly lit room
She has that look
that lets me know, it’s time to go..it’s time to consume
I used that line from 1 of my fave shows, P-Valley. If you follow any of my other socials (Twitter, Instagram) then you know how much I absolutely love this show.
Ok. So why tf is that line the title of this post?
Because I felt like it. & I felt like it because the moments that I experienced leading up to even thinking of that line, had me feeling like Murda when Keyshawn showed him the WSHH feature with them. That energy. That Soul Glo ✨ cuz you now in the process of mining ⛏ your own diamonds…& once you realize…that you are also the Diamond 💎 game fucking changer.
What a time. What a life, Jhene Aiko. Seeing your shit come to fruition-in the divinely timed order it’s sposed to ✨
The feeling of having pride in your work and what the fuck you put out into the world. & also tremendous gratitude for what was, what’s happening rn and for allllll the beautiful, magical, wonderful experiences coming.
Give thanks. Gratitude for the doors and windows 🪟 that’s opening for me-& the right ones at that. The ones that feel good. That feel at ease. That feel joyful. That’s for my highest good & the highest good if all involved. Them joints that feel right & aligned ✨ give thanks.
PODCAST: The Joyful Experience
I am so pleased, so grateful and sooo excited to be sharing this Podcast & more of myself with you.
As you will hear in the Podcast, I am a 12H sun. With Jupiter in my 8H…Capricorn Mercury and Venus…ine into foolishness.
This 12H energy has me in the cut working on self in several ways, which I’m not mad about at all. & sometimes, I am beckoned to “show my face” & in this case, share my voice.
So. Here I Am.
& I am absolutely delighted to be able to share some of my innermost thoughts & feels regarding dating and mating with Astrology-& how you relate to your own birth chart.
Big up and Big love to all of the professional astrologers that have guided me these last few years and really helped a bih understand more and grow.
I am ever grateful for every opportunity and every gift. & this Podcast was certainly that.
Big love always to my beloved colleague, fellow author, writer, bad ass Scorpio witch and friend, Kat.
Give thanks for our queer family tree that’s been growin from AOL online/chat room times (yeah we old-ish) lol. I’m hella grateful for such a wonderful opportunity. That shit was hella fun.
What in the cosmos…
Ok a few planets are in Aries, rn, if I’m not mistaken. I remember someone mentioning 4 of them by May 24th- which, ironically is my Gem Sun/Leo/Taurus ex’s birthday. Also coincidentally, she has her Venus in Aries. Which I just found out recently, but explainsssss A Lot 🤓
But I digress from the main Aries point. If you’re not an Astro Heaux like I am one (I’m not a professional, I’m an enthusiast who appreciates all the ways that learning about astrology has enlightened me) I will post an infographic on Aries for you to give you an insight to what the vibe is:
This Aries energy in the sky, rn. Add that to Mercury being in Gemini 🤔 perhaps it might be the reason for what I’m about to say. Oh & it’s eclipse season andddd almost Mercury retrograde. Pluto is already retrograde to. Sooo who am I to deny this energy the cosmos has beseeched upon us
If I’m replying to your personal stories featuring selfies, low key (& high key 🔑 ) thirst traps with heart eyes- wait & I say personal because I heart eyes other shit all the time; pets, delicious looking plates of food, etc, but not anyones selfie or no shit like that…because I don’t want anyone getting the wrong impression. Unless it’s one of my gay ass friends beings exceptionally fucking fabulous, thas different.
So if I heart eyes the image or video of YOU, or share some choice (always respectful- I don’t get *disrespectful til we start dating and & even more so when we start mating 😈) words of enthusiasm, based on what I see/admire/lust for 😂…and you hit a nigga with the prayer hands 🙏🏿…I’ma stop sending them. & assume (like I heard someone say- prolly saw it on twitter, tbh) No hard feelings, but I’m prolly not the intended audience 🎯 of said image or thirst trap…& I gotta respect it and keep it pushin.
To be honest, I didn’t want your prayers, I wanted your pussy.
Like you riding my face and baptizing me in your wet-
Lemme chill, lol. Also, today feels like it’s ruled by Venus, but Jupiter calls the shots. I ain’t mad at it. I fuck with the vibe.
*disrespectful* = respectfully nasty and freaky, but sooo much so-that it seems disrespectful. For ex. “disrespectful sex”
Get it? Well. IYKYK 🤷🏾♂️
The folks that are sent to us are on purpose, yes. Meant to be a prominent part of our lives forever? That’s gonna be a hell naw. & the moment I realized that, shit made so much sense. & my ability to let go of relationships? Hmm, let’s use connections, instead. My ability to accept things and situations for what they are…what they present themselves to me as…as opposed to obsessing and overthinking (please don’t get me wrong-with this many Virgo placements, overthinking & overanalyzing will occur) But I’ve gotten way better about acceptance. & not placing every connection in a box or category.
Connections sometimes have disconnection. Sometimes they last *momentarily* like…a couple months, type shit. & it really can be a fun, fulfilling (for all that it’s meant to be) connection that was simply that:
A moment in time. I really wanted to say a wrinkle in time, but..yeah you get it.
Lemme even use my own self as an example. I had this connection with this fine ass gyal. She was down to earth, not afraid to be goofy/silly, had great taste in music, food, art, film, etc…..and loved the beach/water. All good tings (for me/to me-because you know, to each their own) and we had fun as we keke’d back and forth.
You wanna know thee biggest takeaway from that connection that actually inspired this post? This
She was on the boat one day and had this tumbler. I was like damn this thing keeping your shit ice cold for hella long. Well. Long story short I got myself one and it has been my favourite ever since. I absolutely love this thing. I take it on dives, I take it on lil road trips to the other end of the island (its contents may vary) and use it when I’m lounging around and just drinking some of my fave freshly brewed hot teas.
This tumbler? We were meant to be forever. That connection with the gyal? mmmm, not so much, lolol. But we good tho. Aint no feelings; hard nor soft. Nothing lost on either part because there weren’t any superficial…hm is that the word I wanna use…no expectations beyond how we connected in those moments. Give thanks. All things align.
Today is Tuesday. & Tuesday being ruled by the planet Mars…makes sense.
I saw this post by 1 of my favourite writers I found online, Billy Chapata. & as I read it, I loved it. Then I realized that my “well, actually” Aquarius ♒️ head ass had more to add to that, lol. So here’s said post:
& here comes the well actually, for me:
I never lose love. I lose people & vice versa. Love never changes, people do. So my power may be diminished temporarily due to pain, hurt, etc. but it has this beautiful tendency of returning. When I am ready. Healing. Pouring love into myself and subsequently, others. Love remains. So in the words of Bey “they’ll never take my power, my power, my power”
I truly appreciate a soft and thoughtful woman
Don’t get it twisted, she is a powerhouse & ain’t nobody fuckin with her.
She chooses gentleness with me. & reminds me that no armor is ever necessary in her presence.
Coming from strong and unforgiving worlds, we never forget our ability to maintain peace, whilst being fluent in the art of war.
Because the world
Calls for Black girls
To always be on guard..
It’s kinda weird-I feel the same, yet I feel different. Is it a psychological thing bc everybody (well, lots of folks) been screaming this “new year, new me” shit? Along with all the memes and posts about changing who they are-miraculously overnight, lolol. I’m such a bitch sometimes, but I mean…seriously. You finna change all the things in 1 day 🤨 I meannnnn, do you. Not saying it’s impossible, just unrealistic. & kinda unfair, I think, to put that type of pressure on yourself.
But. Anyway. I feel different. As the same person. If that makes sense (makes sense to me, lol) and this year I did something different in that I just allowed myself to be and feel my way into the newness/different ways I’m feeling and not force the usual strict regime of ok ima do this, this and this…right off the bat…back? Ima have to look that saying up. But feeling and processing where I am, into where I want to be/end up.
If this pandemic has taught me anything: it’s that we ain’t in control of shit. You make plans and God/the Universe laughs. Well this pandemic is headed for a new season so idk who laughing but shit. Jokes old now. So yeah no. No added pressure to be/achieve/control. Just navigating this goddamn covid neverland and making sure my family is straight. My connections are valued, appreciated and nourished.
And I decided to do what felt right going into the new year…& to do so moving forward. Feel my way. As a heavy Saturnian ruled person, I’m very much so used to logic, pragmatism, etc. as opposed to feeling/emotional centered. So. Embracing my cancer north node and following my North Star, this is what I’m doing. without effort. It just is. Flowing. I can fuck with this vibe always. In touch and in tune ✨
And accepting the feelings.
Oh, & another big one: accepting the human beings-as they show up-as they are. Because we’re all (well the people I know) just doing our fucking best. With what we got going on and where we are. Letting people off the hook is also letting yourself off the hook. Look at me sounding like a yoda thee G
But. All in all. I feel at peace. Lk excited since it’s my 5H profection year this year and numerology wise 2022 is the year of The Lovers, union, playfulness…just good shit. & I’m calling all of that into my experience. Beautiful ass alignment. That will blow my mind and expand my heart. Last year I purposely abstained and refrained from dating because I was intentional about getting some things done and accomplished (which I did and I’m very grateful for) that I knew I wouldn’t have the capacity for dating or entertaining any type of romantic relationship. I met some rad ass women, though. But this year, I’m aligning with a beautiful goddess and I can feel it. & I’m giving thanks in advance.
My sole focus won’t be on romantic love, though. According to my astrologer, the way my 7H is set up, I’m supposed to live my life and have all the fun-sooooo, I plan on doing that. And there are already some things in the works that I’m very excited about and it feels very refreshing to be excited about shit again & not be attaching it to only a person/relationship. There’s so many great things on the horizon, so I’m very much so looking forward to this chapter of much lighter energy and fun. Adventure and exploration-I’m a Sagittarius stellium; adventure, exploring and fun is my middle name(s)
Not to sound cliche but totally sounding cliche:
It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day. It’s a new life. For me. & I’m feeling good
Give thanks for 2022 and all of the amazing, beautiful divine blessings, love and magick it’s bringing me. Give fucking thanks!
How do you say:
I wanna dive deep wit you
Share energy, space, knowledge, wisdom & sheets, wit you
Silk, to Egyptian cotton
The art of courting seems to be lost on many, & to some-forgotten
& I wanna remind you & awaken the beast in you
Be peace with you
As we lay in the mutual space of love that time can’t erase
With me your heart is safe
My abundance of love is for you
How do you…
say this and so much more?
Only you I am here to worship and adore
I wrote this piece with someone in mind. As sort of a love poem, love affirmation and manifestation. But somewhere, somehow shit got lost in translation…lost in space. But found on time. I am grateful for all of my love& life teachers, regardless of length of stay. I love being inspired and moved to write words dedicated to love. That’s the root. Everything else stems from that. So. I give thanks for presence and the essence of divinity. The reminder that love is beautiful and free. & the hope of a thing also makes life more beautiful.
I’m writing you poetry
And consistently show you
The love that you deserve
Unfold you like the most delicate petals of a rose
I will leave you whole and not pluck you
But know every day I always wanna fuck you-
& love you. & I will always pick you
While leaving your roots room to grow, too
You are my Queen bee and my flower
Love you enough to relinquish power
Behold, the ferocious Goddess
& that’s being modest
Cuz there aren’t enough words to describe your beauty
You and I are truly aligned
The Universe and my Ancestors are so benevolent and kind
They way they placed us together
You’re my most valued treasure
Loving you is so easy. Loving you takes no effort.
I give thanks for mutual effort
Mutual love and healthy obsession
Learning in real time that I’ve mastered the lessons
Every day I am in awe of your special
Gas you and fill you up until you’re an overflowing vessel
Of love that radiates
Nothing and no one predates
Our chemistry and energy
The way we love each other, intentionally
the generosity and blessings within our connection
You found me and gave to me-thee
Your care, your affection and your time
Thank you for appreciating me
Thank you for adoring me
Thank you for reciprocity
and for loving and receiving me
Thank you for being solid
And easy like Sunday morning
A Sunday kind of love is what you give every day and it’s what I’ve always wanted
Thank you for that beautiful smile
Thank you for taking the time to get to know me on deeper levels
Your love helped me discard that hard fixed sign shell
& invited me to openness
I will always love you on purpose
Each and every day
& in every way
You bring me such joy and cognizance
Learned to lead with my heart over the simply logical sense
I love our attraction, I love our passion-it’s so intense
In the best ways
I’m excited to spend time with you knowing that these aren’t even my best days
For someone like you and here you are
Love- a beautiful reminder that love knows no distance and is never far
I know that heaven is a place on Earth and it’s with you
Every day is beautiful and better than the next
I love our openness
We are on the road to free
Just had to make some stops along the way
I love when you message me, I love hearing your voice-it makes my night and day
So much better
I love reading your love letters
I love receiving your love…and sharing mine with you
That’s it…that’s the
tweet Blog. Ok that’s not it, but damn…this Instagram post stopped me in my fucking tracks and I HAD to share it on my Story and now, here. Because I don’t want to forget it. I don’t ever want to forget the moments that led me to this post. And how divinely timed this shit was.
The fact that I had been playing “Real Love Baby” when I first saw this post also solidified what my guides were trying to tell & remind me:
That settling for lukewarm or bare minimum effort and love is not the business. That I am worthy of a love so sublime and so divine, that it reminds me of love; that I am love(d).
Every bone in my body will be sure. With love and humans coinciding-she doesn’t have to be perfect to be the antidote, the cure…
pure vibes and love. A love affair and love story to rival any epic tale. A love that’s real. And ready. & open and willing to move through the discomfort and the temporary. My love will choose me as I do her, endlessly. She will be solid in her love and intention, not on the fence about me. Not perfect, but perfect…for me.
I could write and write and write…but I’m gonna keep it brief and soak in the words above. A reminder of a perfect love for me. Imperfectly existing, never waning or drifting. Gifting me with her presence and consistency…hold her down as she lifts me. Transporting me to heights not reached previously. & honestly nobody else exists to me… Real Love, Baby
She said “yes”
& decided to grow a garden that was always tended to
No matter who
Was around or absent
Gave herself the biggest gift: being present
Accepting love from whole sources-no exceptions
In love. Pure meditation
of energies to higher realms
No longer trying to be her higher self
Only her favourite
Knowing that time is never wasted
Once you stop fakin
Or settling for the mundane
Life and love equally should be experienced passionately
It’s my passion to be:
The love of my life before someone else can become the same to me
She said “yes” to belonging to herself, faithfully
Before we shared love, energy and time
A supreme being. & a love sublime
We share and exhale
Inhale the newness of completeness
Oh darling, we have only just begun the sweetness...
I offer you
Pearls of rain
Coming from the lands
Where it never rains
I will cross the world
Till after my death
To cover your bosom
With gold and light
I will make a kingdom
where love will be king
Where love will be the law
Where you will be queenNe Me Quitte Pas
When the words are so sweet. So intentional and so unique…you just gotta share them. For some who may not hear them or have heard. A love bizarre…a love absurd.
A love of the ages and one that will rival the epic stories of the gods and goddesses. That is what I live for. Ache & breathe for. I could never settle for lukewarm…I want more. & some more…ode to Miss Simone. I vow to never place my love on a pedestal, nonetheless…worship her on her throne.
A Queen. My Selene; my Moon and Stars…forever.
You know how privileged it is to say to someone, particularly a poor, trans woman of color living in the South:
“Live Out Loud. Live your Truth,” etc.
I mean that sounds wonderful and inspiring in theory if:
You didn’t have to walk down the street in a neighborhoods inhabited by many ignorances of color (ignorance comes in every shade)
You didn’t have to take public transportation.
There she was.
6’2. Blonde wig, face beat with make-up done by the gods. Light eyes and a strut that could walk the runways of Paris.
She got on the bus and immediately, all eyes and all heightened senses of the monsters, peaked.
“You by yourself? Where’s your mama at?” She asked to the two children sitting across from her.
“No,” they giggled. They seemed to be between the ages of 8-11. “Our daddy is on here too.”
She smiled. Then proclaimed, “Ok good.”
The two ignorances behind me snickered:
“The end of days. You hear me. The end”
She proceeded to mind her business and look at her own reflection in her phones screen.
I believe she felt them:
The eyes. The hills and evil has them.
She continuously looked at her self, fidgeting and checking to see if her face (& indeed she) was still in tact. I could feel her discomfort. As ignorances piled up on the route, at one particular stop, she flung her 6’2 frame up and into the front of the bus before it had stopped.
The stares, the mumbles…pushed her forward.
Once at the front of the bus and her back facing everyone else, she took off her wig and proceeded to run her fingers through her own hair; which was about ear length and brown with purple streaks at the ends.
That mirror: her phone, which seemed to be her own saviour and comfort, she stayed looking into. Her legs twitched. She focused on her reflection the entire ride.
And I wonder, how difficult it must be to be her. In her shoes. In her own skin, where the world around her is a threat to her simply wanting to exist. To live. To be. To breathe and be in peace, as herself. How does she find the courage to walk in this world as a trans woman of color and NOT be effected by its ignorance. She can’t. She can’t even ride the fucking bus in peace.
God Bless the freaks.
Goddess Bless the beings who have to catch their breath in every moment; from a world where people are always trying to steal it.
*Featured Image* Viccky Gutierrez, a transgender woman from Honduras who was stabbed and had her body set ablaze inside her Los Angeles home on January 10, 2018.