Rasta Shoppin

LGBTQ

I don’t care if I have 1 million or one single dollar…I am & will always be Blessed. So. There is a gentleman that I pass by every day on my daily commute and walk into my office bldg. I said Good morning as I normally do when I see him and he was sitting just as he does every day beneath the AC Transit bus stop or near it. Today he was underneath I’m sure because of all of the rain. I stopped. & I spoke to him and saw him wrapped in this beige blanket, still with smile of Peace on his face. My, my. Just a reminder that happiness is free.

I had about 14 minutes to spare before work so I dashed across Clay and 11th in my slippery ass Supras and against the wet concrete and grabbed him a coffee and some breakfast. Definitely a slippery slope (couldn’t help it, lol). It was raining like a mf and I figured I could at least kinda help him stay warm as he sits outside in the rain…about 45 minutes later I ended up leaving work.

On my way back, we conversed a little more as he offered me a slice of his pumkin pie…my heart was full and here this gentleman was with little to nothing, offering me some of what he had. Hmmm. This is God. This is Her reminder that She is Present, everywhere and in all things. I did the “hmmmm” because some people have so much & still won’t give or help anyone else & here he is, offering me some of his food. As I stood there talking to him, his Soul shined so bright & the warmth in his smile moved me. I Am so so sooooo grateful. So my Spirit started speaking and I asked him, “you need anything, man?” He said to me, “you know, I could use a toothbrush and some toothpaste, some deodorant if you can.”

So. I did what I would do for my father or my brother or a friend…things that we a lot of times take for granted that people only wish they could have on the regular. Well, I know what it is to have and I also know what it is to have not…The Goddess is gracious to me – and I am beyond grateful. Thank you for your Spirit and reminding me that God is Love. I Am God and so is he. Gifts between gods.

Cheers to you, Rasta! Thanks for the reminder of Love!

This moment that happened

LGBTQ

Earlier in the day. Shit it’s now Friday. So, Thursday…

I was having a challenging…ok kinda shitty morning. However, and I am so glad that I just chuckled at the thought of how far I’ve come, (it’s a Blessing!) that was purdy much,
Ok all self induced 🙄 I can admit it, being human sometimes gets the best of me and I’m definitely not perfect. Totally fine with that 🙂

So the night prior, I was having some not so nice thoughts and in the morning (Thursday) I woke up and even though I was on the right side, I was on the wrong side of the bed based on my karma that played over from the the night before.
I swear I dropped at least 5 different things in a rush on my way out of the door.

side note: I usually NEVER have to rush. Causes too much panic & wasted energy when I can be listening to Sade or Santana whilst enjoying a cup of chai. (Yep, I prefer the latter as well)

So,
needless to say that was the prerequisite to an unusual and very human and very humbling day.

So,
Damn I digressed hella just to get to the climax, lol.
I posted on my Facebook about the day and I said something along the lines of being grateful anyway and saying thank you.

So,
A friend of mine commented that she wish she had my Peace.
That. was the perfect unexpected gift from the Universe to remind me that all is well. very very humbling and reassuring. Because…Divine timing n shyt.

Here’s my Reply:

Jazzy J Jasmine_____ it ain’t always easy, but guess what. I am able to breathe, speak, walk, think, drive, see, love, etc…I literally have to check myself sometimes b/c shit goes wrong and I’m like ugh!!!!! Then I breathe, and talk to my ancestors and the Universe and say that I am in need of some assistance. Help me to be Strong and know that it’s only temporary and the outcome of my moment, day, life, etc is up to me & how I react In this moment and hereafter. I’ve known how shitty things can be with the wrong attitude and/or being ungrateful. I KNOW!
It ain’t cute nor pretty. So that’s when memory is activated and I go, “hmm. I’ve experienced worse, chill TF out, roll down the window, listen to music that makes ur Soul sing along with your voice…yeah, all that- #writer
😬

I’m so Blessed to be here a place where I can recognize when I am out of balance and not my Higher Self. More importantly, changing that energy to positive light ✨
#Yeezyaintteachmethis

Peace and Blessings Manifest 🙏
Love always,
Syn

& so it is

Bisexual, Gay, gender, Lesbian, LGBTQ, qpoc, Queer, qwoc, sexuality, Transgender

Ima pretty cool character. But YOU
You cause me to become a lil disheveled

she listened as her eyes glistened
Smile reminiscent
Of Goddess

    1. Shining

 

    1. Almost

 

    Blinding…

Nah. You know what it is?

Her: What?

You disarm me…

Someone said:
True Love was dead
But I’ve found a Fort
Oh. Found a Fort
For YOU

Do u Remember The Time When…

Bisexual, Gay, gender, Lesbian, LGBTQ, qpoc, Queer, qwoc, sexuality, Transgender

You came out to your family?

I wanted to share this with others.

Here’s a story I just read via my feed on FB. I guess FB is good for something sometimes…aside from the chisme and folks who dont really give a shit about your well being, but wanna just keep up with your moves…O_o 🙄

THE BLOG
Just Because He Breathes: Learning to Truly Love Our Gay Son
Linda Robertson Jul 01, 2013

On the night of Nov. 20, 2001, a conversation held over Instant Messenger changed our lives forever.

Our 12-year-old son messaged me in my office from the computer in his bedroom.

Ryan says: can i tell u something

Mom says: Yes I am listening

Ryan says: well i don’t know how to say this really but, well……, i can’t keep lying to you about myself. I have been hiding this for too long and i sorta have to tell u now. By now u probably have an idea of what i am about to say.

Ryan says: I am gay Ryan says: i can’t believe i just told you

Mom says: Are you joking?

Ryan says: no

Ryan says: i thought you would understand because of uncle don

Mom says: of course I would

Mom says: but what makes you think you are?

Ryan says: i know i am

Ryan says: i don’t like hannah

Ryan says: it’s just a cover-up

Mom says: but that doesn’t make you gay…

Ryan says: i know

Ryan says: but u don’t understand

Ryan says: i am gay

Mom says: tell me more

Ryan says: it’s just the way i am and it’s something i know

Ryan says: u r not a lesbian and u know that. it is the same thing

Mom says: what do you mean?

Ryan says: i am just gay

Ryan says: i am that

Mom says: I love you no matter what

Ryan says: i am white not black
Ryan says: i know

Ryan says: i am a boy not a girl

Ryan says: i am attracted to boys not girls

Ryan says: u know that about yourself and i know this

Mom says: what about what God thinks about acting on these desires?

Ryan says: i know

Mom says: thank you for telling me

Ryan says: and i am very confused about that right now

Mom says: I love you more for being honest

Ryan says: i know

Ryan says: thanx

We were completely shocked. Not that we didn’t know and love gay people; my only brother had come out to us several years before, and we adored him. But Ryan? He was unafraid of anything, tough as nails and all boy. We had not seen this coming, and the emotion that overwhelmed us, kept us awake at night and, sadly, influenced all our reactions over the next six years was fear.

We said all the things that we thought loving Christian parents who believed the Bible, the Word of God, should say:

We love you. We will always love you. And this is hard. Really hard. But we know what God says about this, so you are going to have to make some really difficult choices.

We love you. We couldn’t love you more. But there are other men who have faced this same struggle, and God has worked in them to change their desires. We’ll get you their books; you can listen to their testimonies. And we will trust God with this.

We love you. We are so glad you are our son. But you are young, and your sexual orientation is still developing. The feelings you’ve had for other guys don’t make you gay. So please don’t tell anyone that you are gay. You don’t know who you are yet. Your identity is not that you are gay; it is that you are a child of God.

We love you. Nothing will change that. But if you are going to follow Jesus, holiness is your only option. You are going to have to choose to follow Jesus, no matter what. And since you know what the Bible says, and since you want to follow God, embracing your sexuality is not an option.

We thought we understood the magnitude of the sacrifice that we — and God — were asking for. And this sacrifice, we knew, would lead to an abundant life, perfect peace and eternal rewards. Ryan had always felt intensely drawn to spiritual things; He desired to please God above all else. So, for the first six years, he tried to choose Jesus. Like so many others before him, he pleaded with God to help him be attracted to girls. He memorized Scripture, met with his youth pastor weekly, enthusiastically participated in all the church youth group events and Bible Studies and got baptized. He read all the books that claimed to know where his gay feelings came from, dove into counseling to further discover the whys of his unwanted attraction to other guys, worked through painful conflict resolution with my husband and me and built strong friendships with other guys — straight guys — just like the reparative therapy experts advised. He even came out to his entire youth group, giving his testimony of how God had rescued him from the traps of the enemy, and sharing, by memory, verse after verse that God had used to draw Ryan to Him.

But nothing changed. God didn’t answer his prayer, or ours, though we were all believing with faith that the God of the Universe, the God for whom nothing is impossible, could easily make Ryan straight. But He did not.

Though our hearts may have been good (we truly thought what we were doing was loving), we did not even give Ryan a chance to wrestle with God, to figure out what he believed God was telling him through scripture about his sexuality. We had believed firmly in giving each of our four children the space to question Christianity, to decide for themselves if they wanted to follow Jesus, to truly own their own faith. But we were too afraid to give Ryan that room when it came to his sexuality, for fear that he’d make the wrong choice.

Basically, we told our son that he had to choose between Jesus and his sexuality. We forced him to make a choice between God and being a sexual person. Choosing God, practically, meant living a lifetime condemned to being alone. He would never have the chance to fall in love, have his first kiss, hold hands, share intimacy and companionship or experience romance.

And so, just before his 18th birthday, Ryan, depressed, suicidal, disillusioned and convinced that he would never be able to be loved by God, made a new choice. He decided to throw out his Bible and his faith at the same time and try searching for what he desperately wanted — peace — another way. And the way he chose to try first was drugs.

We had unintentionally taught Ryan to hate his sexuality. And since sexuality cannot be separated from the self, we had taught Ryan to hate himself. So as he began to use drugs, he did so with a recklessness and a lack of caution for his own safety that was alarming to everyone who knew him.

Suddenly our fear of Ryan someday having a boyfriend (a possibility that honestly terrified me) seemed trivial in contrast to our fear of Ryan’s death, especially in light of his recent rejection of Christianity and his mounting anger at God.

Ryan started with weed and beer, but in six short months was using cocaine, crack and heroin. He was hooked from the beginning, and his self-loathing and rage at God only fueled his addiction. Shortly thereafter, we lost contact with him. For the next year and a half, we didn’t know where he was or even if he was dead or alive. And during that horrific time, God had our full attention. We stopped praying for Ryan to become straight. We started praying for him to know that God loved him. We stopped praying for him to never have a boyfriend. We started praying that someday we might actually get to know his boyfriend. We even stopped praying for him to come home to us; we only wanted him to come home to God.

By the time our son called us, after 18 long months of silence, God had completely changed our perspective. Because Ryan had done some pretty terrible things while using drugs, the first thing he asked me was this:

Do you think you can ever forgive me? (I told him of course, he was already forgiven. He had always been forgiven.)

Do you think you could ever love me again? (I told him that we had never stopped loving him, not for one second. We loved him then more than we had ever loved him.)

Do you think you could ever love me with a boyfriend? (Crying, I told him that we could love him with 15 boyfriends. We just wanted him back in our lives. We just wanted to have a relationship with him again… and with his boyfriend.)

And a new journey was begun, one of healing, restoration, open communication and grace. Lots of grace. And God was present every step of the way, leading and guiding us, gently reminding us simply to love our son and leave the rest up to Him.

Over the next 10 months, we learned to truly love our son. Period. No buts. No conditions. Just because he breathes. We learned to love whomever our son loved. And it was easy. What I had been so afraid of became a blessing. The journey wasn’t without mistakes, but we had grace for each other, and the language of apology and forgiveness became a natural part of our relationship. As our son pursued recovery from drug and alcohol addiction, we pursued him. God taught us how to love him, to rejoice over him, to be proud of the man he was becoming. We were all healing, and most importantly, Ryan began to think that if we could forgive him and love him, then maybe God could, too.

And then Ryan made the classic mistake of a recovering addict: He got back together with his old friends, his using friends. And one evening that was supposed to simply be a night at the movies turned out to be the first time he had shot up in 10 months — and the last time. Ryan died on July 16, 2009. And we lost the ability to love our gay son, because we no longer had a gay son. What we had wished for, prayed for, hoped for — that we would not have a gay son — came true. But not at all in the way we had envisioned.

Now, when I think back on the fear that governed all my reactions during those first six years after Ryan told us he was gay, I cringe as I realize how foolish I was. I was afraid of all the wrong things. And I grieve, not only for my oldest son, whom I will miss every day for the rest of my life, but for the mistakes I made. I grieve for what could have been, had we been walking by faith instead of by fear. Now, whenever Rob and I join our gay friends for an evening, I think about how much I would love to be visiting with Ryan and his partner over dinner. But instead, we visit Ryan’s gravestone. We celebrate anniversaries: the would-have-been birthdays and the unforgettable day of his death. We wear orange, his color. We hoard memories: pictures, clothing he wore, handwritten notes, lists of things he loved, tokens of his passions, recollections of the funny songs he invented, his Curious George and baseball blankey, anything, really, that reminds us of our beautiful boy, for that is all we have left, and there will be no new memories. We rejoice in our adult children, and in our growing family as they marry, but we ache for the one of our “gang of four” who is missing. We mark life by the days B.C. (before coma) and A.D. (after death), because we are different people now; our life was irrevocably changed in a million ways by his death. We treasure friendships with others who “get it” because they, too, have lost a child.

We weep. We seek Heaven for grace and mercy and redemption as we try not to get better but to be better. And we pray that God can somehow use our story to help other parents learn to truly love their children. Just because they breathe.

On June 20, 2013, at the invitation of Alan Chambers, my husband Rob and I shared an extended, unedited version of our story at the final Exodus International conference in Irvine, Calif.:

In the presentation, Rob read a letter that he’d recently written to Ryan, which you can read here. We also shared a slideshow of photos of Ryan through the years:

This piece, which was originally written for Biola Queer Underground in December 2012, was posted on Facebook on Jan. 14, 2013, which would have been Ryan’s 24th birthday. It is now posted, along with other blog posts, at JustBecauseHeBreathes.com.

Wha? It’s gud shyt!

Bisexual, Gay, gender, Lesbian, LGBTQ, qpoc, Queer, qwoc, sexuality, Transgender

Her eyes. Searching.
Always searching for something
Find what she had been seeking, quietly, after seeking first, the Creator. Seeking first herself; her true love.

    I placed my hand directly on the thumping of her chest

This….
This is my Gold.
& behold you:
My Everything
my queen
my king. My Goddess. My High Priestess. The Empress.
Own your power as I do mine
Sent to me in human form directly from Divine
I give thanks.

*20131228-110531.jpg
You’ll know it when it’s there/
Like…
Michael Jackson: Thriller
Like
Farah Fawcett Hair-

It’s gud shyt!

https://youtu.be/W82_8TNNvvo

ObamaCare(s) *Leafy Letters Left Of Asylum*

Bisexual, Gay, LGBTQ, qpoc, Queer, sexuality, Transgender

Mr. President…

    When I say thank you…I truly mean it. & it’s not my honour or my pleasure to be bestowed such altruism. For a long time I felt like I was stuck here:

      A prisoner in Heaven.
      Heaven because for me, this country allowed me to escape Hell in my Home country of
      Religious,

      Spiritual…

      Personal & LIFE Persecution…

        So when I say “Thank You, Mr. President” it is from the depths of my Soul
        Where:
        I know the Creator has moved Divinely through you & I humbly thank you for being his vessel & the compassionate Child of God who granted me my Liberty.
        & Eye Say:

        GOD BLESS AMERICA