Tender Boys & Mama (Ms. Ernestine)

Queer

Tender boys who grew up wit they Grammy
And all her cats
Left to sit back
Cuz when he walk, he got a switch back
That earned him tenure at her house

Jason,
Sweet as pie and quiet as a mouse
Played in the yard, barely left the house

Boys like him was hushed at an early age
At the early stage
When da men dem peep his ways
His true self died at an early age

Like his body did, from AIDS

If I could take a turn back of the page
I would hug him so tight
Let him know that it’s alright
To love and to like...who you like

To be who you be
As softly
As you would like to walk these island streets
Bey I wish I was older when we did meet

I just remember the smile

The smile that showed me early, it was ok to be the Sun
even if some folks prefer shade…


Jason,
I remember you.
I honor you.
I love you.

My first known queer Ancestor
I remember ✨🕊
~Syn
Uncle Clifford and Ms. Ernestine

Jay Pritchett

Queer

Closets, Closets, Closets

It’s where we keep our stuff.

Sometimes, it’s where the ones around us, the ones who claim to love and care about us…the ones we also love the most…want us to store, hide and compartmentalize;

the parts that they, their friends, surrounding and immediate communities wants us to keep hidden and locked away. Because it’s more comfortable for them, as long as that part of us is stuffed in there-without a trace, without a say.

Now, the catch is, living here on this island and in this country- even though the doors are welcomed to be open, there’s always someone there dangling locks and keys in your face, when your stuff is too boldly displayed.

Be yourself!-

wait, but not like that…

Your Paradise Is My Hell.

I Suppress Where You Vacation.
Paradise? Nah, been lost. 
I usually keep my hair shaved pretty low on the sides. So I went on Instagram and searched for the least threatening/aggressive/misogynistic seeming barber on island to get a haircut since I had been back home for a while and was long overdue. Found some cool looking dudes. & got some inches off the top and back to the usual, close on the side. In barber terms i'd say probably a 1.Got home to the displeasure of my aunt and my mum, by the looks on their faces, they hated it.
 

part 1:

I don’t like it, I like your hair when it’s longer

-my Aunt




part 2:

Make sure you don’t cut your hair anymore. I don’t like you looking so much like a boy…

-my Mum
According to astrology I'm in my profection year that deals with family and roots. & I'm reminded why I left this place in the first place.

All those years of being away
from these prominent figures and triggers
This trauma and drama
& these closets
& half ass acceptance
receiving whatsapp messages on repentance
feels like i'm serving a sentence
in a picturesque hell
be you; but make sure you hide that gay shit well
lest you be the topic of conversation
in a "christian nation"

I Suffer Where You Vacation

Facing
constant backlash and retaliation
simply for existing
as me
Never free
& if you dare to be- here comes that lock and key

Big Dyke Energy/ Family matters

Bisexual, Gay, gender, Lesbian, LGBTQ, qpoc, Queer, qwoc, sexuality, Transgender

I see pictures that are emailed
Family
& I see them smiling
All happy & content
They have not failed as parents
Their son, is now getting married to a woman.
Not another man.
They breathe a sigh of right wing religious relief
My mum can’t say the same
She thinks she will never be as happy as them

Her kinfolk
Who got it right
&
Didn’t raise

A dyke

Hmmm.
Now
How does one make up for this?
I see the church
It’s pews
The mother wearing purple sash and a shiny dress
The father: good Sunday suit with a handkerchief in his pocket
Smiles all around
Nice dresses
Nice smiles
I wonder sometimes…
Will I ever be able to fill such an holy building with family on my day?*
20131223-054827.jpg
Or will the flames be too close to my feet that they feel they may get burned…

*I have zero desire to be in a church for any reason. Especially not the Divine union with my Goddess*

Listen, Gently

Bisexual, Gay, gender, Lesbian, LGBTQ, qpoc, Queer, qwoc, sexuality, Transgender

I showed her the glorious views of the city from the Oakland Hills.
Robert Glasper feat Solange- Twice
Remixed. Love with QuestLove
We vibe
& we give Thanks…

    For moments like these seem too few
    Far
    & In
    Between
    I lowered the volume.
    Inhaled Love
    & exhaled Fear…

      “This.
      This is one of my favourite places.”

        Her eyes received her special endowment.
        “Why? I mean obviously this breathtaking view, but, what else?”
        An Aquarius, no doubt.

          This is my space. My space where I Am closest to my God and I can be still & everything else is on pause & i listen.
          When my Soul needs mending from ever pretending
          That it is always well
          I come here & accept there will be storms
          Yet, to keep my Peace, Just Be. calm
          Maybe… recite the 23 psalm
          & speak only good words cuz my word is my bond
          That is why this is one of my favorites…

            “& you’re sharing it with me.”

              Stated matter of factly
              She knew exactly
              What this moment meant
              Superman was revealing Clark Kent
              &
              Humanity
              Was given its due respect

              20130929-012516.jpg

              This IS (turning into a rant)

              Bisexual, Gay, gender, Lesbian, LGBTQ, qpoc, Queer, qwoc, sexuality, Transgender

              I was only used to seeing Studs.

              One of the moments that redefined

                Butch

              20130916-034846.jpgChloë Sevigny in If These Walls Could Talk 2

              She was so cool. A boyish gentleman. Charming. Imperfect. Hard.
              PLUS
              she rocked the James Dean denim/leather look & I adore…
              Willing to be vulnerable with another lesbian but one with a sense of Hetero entitlement.
              Abandoning the same struggle & claiming it as a revolutionary process…..
              I pray we’ve made Progress…..