Prayers v Puscee

Queer

What in the cosmos…

Ok a few planets are in Aries, rn, if I’m not mistaken. I remember someone mentioning 4 of them by May 24th- which, ironically is my Gem Sun/Leo/Taurus ex’s birthday. Also coincidentally, she has her Venus in Aries. Which I just found out recently, but explainsssss A Lot 🤓

But I digress from the main Aries point. If you’re not an Astro Heaux like I am one (I’m not a professional, I’m an enthusiast who appreciates all the ways that learning about astrology has enlightened me) I will post an infographic on Aries for you to give you an insight to what the vibe is:

So.

This Aries energy in the sky, rn. Add that to Mercury being in Gemini 🤔 perhaps it might be the reason for what I’m about to say. Oh & it’s eclipse season andddd almost Mercury retrograde. Pluto is already retrograde to. Sooo who am I to deny this energy the cosmos has beseeched upon us 🫡

Ok. Now

If I’m replying to your personal stories featuring selfies, low key (& high key 🔑 ) thirst traps with heart eyes- wait & I say personal because I heart eyes other shit all the time; pets, delicious looking plates of food, etc, but not anyones selfie or no shit like that…because I don’t want anyone getting the wrong impression. Unless it’s one of my gay ass friends beings exceptionally fucking fabulous, thas different.

So if I heart eyes the image or video of YOU, or share some choice (always respectful- I don’t get *disrespectful til we start dating and & even more so when we start mating 😈) words of enthusiasm, based on what I see/admire/lust for 😂…and you hit a nigga with the prayer hands 🙏🏿…I’ma stop sending them. & assume (like I heard someone say- prolly saw it on twitter, tbh) No hard feelings, but I’m prolly not the intended audience 🎯 of said image or thirst trap…& I gotta respect it and keep it pushin.

To be honest, I didn’t want your prayers, I wanted your pussy.

Bless

Blessed.
Like you riding my face and baptizing me in your wet-

Lemme chill, lol. Also, today feels like it’s ruled by Venus, but Jupiter calls the shots. I ain’t mad at it. I fuck with the vibe.

*disrespectful* = respectfully nasty and freaky, but sooo much so-that it seems disrespectful. For ex. “disrespectful sex”

Get it? Well. IYKYK 🤷🏾‍♂️

A quickie

Queer
When you ground and connect with your body
Connect with presence..you disconnect from consumption and overconsumption of media, background noise, even your favourite binge worthy shows. Shit is wild how uninterested you become in such things.

It just don’t hit the same.
Looking at my library at the classic and the legendary

Stillness, but not being sedentary.

Connectedness to sound and color
Emphasis on: presence in interpersonal relationships.
Support. Being there. & showing up.
Intentionally.
With a grateful heart
With clarity and abundance of appreciation for the moments that you get to spend and share with your favourite and closest people.

Disconnect, to connect.
Feel the feels usually repressed
Numbed and subdued
Consumer being consumed
With same day delivery
Post Modern Fillory

You are the magician of your own destiny
Tarot, pero

One is loved because one is loved

Queer
Via their Instagram: Queerbrainslut

ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE VALID, NO MATTER WHAT THEY LOOK OR SEEM LIKE TO OTHERS.
I THINK IT’S SO IMPORTANT & HEALTHY TO CENTER CONNECTION-IN WHATEVER FORMS THEY MANIFEST AS LONG AS IT’S HEALTHY FOR ALL INVOLVED.

I CAN’T IMAGINE NOT APPRECIATING OR DISMISSING GENUINE & INTENTIONAL LOVE/CONNECTION BECAUSE IT DOESN’T FIT INSIDE OF A BOX.

The Alchemist

Oh, lemme just say that all caps above is from the font I was using on my IG Story that I decided to turn into this blog entry. I never use all caps like that. But I damn sure wasn’t about to retype it, lol.

So. Anyway. Back to the ideas of love & relationships fitting neatly into boxes…one thing that I learned and realized is that love is all encompassing & should never try to be contained-especially to maintain the hierarchical, patriarchal, heteronormative lens..nah. Being a queer person that shit does not work for me any longer. I’m grateful to be learning more as I grow further. & relationship anarchy is a term I’ve just recently learned.

We shouldn’t deny ourselves the pleasure and joy of loving and co-creating happiness with other humans-based on views that say it has to look this particular way or be this particular thing in order to be valid or deemed important.

Yo. Have you lived in this world? With all of the virtual everything, dependency on machines rather than humans/replacing human interaction & connection…society is disconnected enough. We should want to be connected (oh the redundancy of this word) as much as we can in a society that wants us to be separatists, unhappy, dependent on things that numb us…yo. If I connect with someone genuinely (& mutually) in any capacity, I am grateful.

I’m typically speaking of friendship, non sexual, community, etc. Friends that become family. Humans that you are close to but only see like once a year or longer for some, but still very connected. Humans that I would absolutely coparent with-but have no sexual or romantic relationship with. People that we become close to after dealing with them strictly on an online basis. Listen, I’m Uranus ruled via my Sun & my Mercury-so online friends is a thing for me. Some of my dearest people I’ve met online. So. To dismiss any of those relationships and say they aren’t valid would be a loss to the greater sense of my own personal community of humans.

Love will never belong in a box

And as a Capricorn Venus, I admit that in romantic relationships I am a bit more “traditional” in the sense that I am a monogamous person who prefers & thrives in stability and longevity. I don’t think that will every change. But, what does that look like outside and inside of those parameters? I’m more concerned with loving and experiencing the person. Intimacy and connection. Even if it doesn’t happen in the most typical or traditional way. So. I’m not denying or suppressing my love or feelings-if they there, they are there and happening on purpose. We can figure out the other details in time, but love for me, is what’s most important. And being moved by someone. Inspired by them. In awe of them and their human and divine expression. I give a shit about that. Not a box 📦 of neatly arranged and controlled, or worse, suppressed emotions.

Love is constant. & happens because it is supposed to. When it’s supposed to individuals on their journey. I would be a fool to deny such a beautiful gift.

Scenes. & Action

Queer

I really and truly love when I witness a work and body of art that moves me completely. I’m on the last episode of this limited series called “Scenes From A Marriage” and I’m…Disheveled to my core. & reborn.

Because I see bits and pieces in my own villain/lover original sin-love story; the similarities and reminders of one of my deepest loves. & conversations that were happening that I couldn’t fathom their meaning because I was too stuck on the in between of a deferred dream and my ideals…based on what I thought was supposed to happen.

My idealistic take on love and what being in a relationship was. Fuck me…these scenes remind me of that lucid dream. & the reality of my ex’s humanity in seeing that our dreams were parallel until they weren’t. Her raw honesty. & how sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees, based on your own hurt, or your own worth-or, perhaps lack there of.

Either way, this show really reached into the depths of me. Reminded me of reality. & how beautiful it is to be loved and be human. All of the messy and complicated parts included. So. In conclusion, I wrote some words about it:

Is there some ONE for every ONE?
Or are we simply to experience
Different lovers, different ideas & learn what the meaning is
Contained within each vessel is a lesson
A blessing
& sometimes a curse
We hurt, we scream, we cry, we mourn until...we remember our worth
& what works
& truly what doesn’t
On slippery slopes we slide
Until we collide
Until we collapse
Then perhaps
Learn the meaning
Of what isn’t
Until one day we decide to put away
The label makers
& realize the humanness of loving each other boldly & making mistakes along the way
Whose to say
That I can’t belong to me only
& give to you still
A cup that’s filled
Drinking from crystal glasses
20/20 with rose tinted spectacles
We give everyone permanency & make them a collectible
We hoard them, put them on a shelf right next to their pedestal
To be polished so we can never see them with their subtle scars & prominent scratches
We speak about the happiness
Of having them
But never fully experience them beyond the shell of our perceptions and expectations
Erase the individual wants and needs
For “we”
have done ourselves a disservice
Make it our purpose to worship
Holy, but not common ground
Just to feel safe & sound
I want you around
But only after you’ve found
Yourself.
Love your missteps
Love is politically incorrect
An emotional treasure within a shipwreck
emotional rebirth & death
On our tippy toes the closer we reach for depth
And learn to swim in the abyss
That darkness
That elicits a sharp breath
Uncontrollable we try to make it a point to hold onto that which we don’t know
Write a script for love instead of
Letting it all naturally come together and unfold
Without permission we assign roles
The rules were skewed
a long time ago...
That’s why you must decide your own
Find your home
Welcome.
Rest your bones
There a place for your comb
and your calm.

Soulmates & Grace.

Queer

Having friends in your life who become family…is such a beautiful gift. & one that keeps on giving.

Because once you realize you’ve found & attracted these perfectly imperfect beings along your path who not only show up in their own lives, but also yours to help you circumnavigate this process called being human…you become so grateful for love that shows up in all forms.

Within these folks, I am reminded that I am loved and receive love always and in all ways.

*side note to this main note*

Connections are beautiful-as long as they are genuine/authentic and healthy. -mutual love & respect for the other. No weird ass vibes…no iffy folx…nah.

⚡️

Ok so.

Connections…

you get to experience these different levels + different types of love & you think, “damn, I’m blessed AF to have human beings who see me & who’ve seen me in all of my mess and my glory…and choose (there’s always a choice) to fuck with me and love me. To check me if I need it & also cheer for me…share with me…etc.

What love. What a fucking blessing.

Then,

the Universe compounds these connections with lessons. & align you with these super saiyan beings who teach us SO much and help us get to the next level; vibrationally/energetically, emotionally, etc.

To show you, you.

Some people are like mirrors that reflect the darkest and most beautiful parts. Others help bring you some light (it’s all about balance).

They show up because you need them.

To help you expand. To love the shit outta you and remind you of divine love. To break and bend your ass…transform you via this strange & beautiful metamorphosis-a la Franz Kafka (sans the bug that we shall not mention) and realize some shit that you weren’t getting on your own.

These relationships are so valid and so important & don’t always have “happy endings” some connections are not supposed to remain with us on our entire journey. So…there’s that. & then on the other hand, some last a lifetime.

Either way, I give thanks for my life/relationship teachers and healers; my soul fam, my soul mates, past loves, current and future ones.

Thank you. I needed you. You were/are supposed to show up.

Dinner Amongst Mutuals

Gay, Lesbian, LGBTQ, qpoc, Queer, qwoc

The table was full of laughter…and vino and
Courses, coursing with tetrahydrocannabinol.

Needless to say: everyone was Peace.

&

Playing softly in the background
Sade sings so smoothly:

I gave you all the Love I got
I gave you more than I give
I gave you LOVE

More love
More vino
More laughter

I gently caress her thigh with my right hand.
Startled by this unprecedented public display of affection amongst mutual friends,
my touch was welcomed as she reaches down and places her left arm on by forearm and lays her head on my shoulder.

A few stares. Less noise.

The show must go on…

A mutual friend screams:
I knew it!

A few high fives. One would think our favourite team had just won a fucking game or something.

Ahhhh. A game, they see.

I never play when it comes to Love.

So?

What?

How long have you two been fucking?!

She Giggles. I smile.

& who says we’re fucking?

Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit! Then what exactly is it?

I turn my attention to her gaze: the one that matters the most.

It’s…everything all at once. It has no label, or need to be called anything.

Her gaze projects Love onto me:

I grab her hand and my eyes never leave hers.

In lieu of the moment, the ambiance, this beautiful being in front of me, I continued…

I’ll tell you what it isn’t:
And, on cue, Sade coo’s:

This. Is. No. Ordinary Love

Right.

That.

Lost Wekend

LGBTQ

So. I was invited to a zombie crawl recently & went to support a friend who needed some company. I completely and utterly did not want to go. I was already exhausted & had been kickin it all weekend with friends, but alas, when someone needs a friend, I do my best to support, so I went. She was hella sad her best friends promised to go with her, but they left & never returned…
THIS

    It’s a lonely word out there for them
    $4 Well whiskey-
    Tango
    It takes two
    & you
    Hope you see someone you know
    In hope
    That they
    Will take you to a place you know
    But
    Alas
    You give cash
    He gets hash
    You get passed
    Up
    The acid is up
    Well.
    So is the jig
    Sorry, you’re living another
    …Lost Weekend…20131014-111832.jpg