Always (Until the trees and seas just up and fly away) Always (Until the day that eight times eight times eight is four) Always (Until the day that is the day that are no more) Did you know you’re loved by somebody (Until the day the earth starts turnin’ right to left) Always (Until the earth just for the sun denies itself) I’ll be lovin’ you forever (Until dear mother nature says her work is through) Always (Until the day that you are me and I am you) Always (Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky Until the ocean severs every mountain high) Always mm mm
“As” by Stevie Wonder
A love. A bliss. A connection. Joy.…feelings, emotions & logic: all in alignment. And remembering the dream, the gift that is love requires no additional thought. Just feel.
I’ve been off from work for a few hours. & enjoying music from a time before. & the incomparable Mr. Wonder is playing on my Spotify playlist, “O.Geez”
The temps and weather right now…is weathering
Yeah the temps rn on this particular island…is feeling like the temps in one of my favourite places to live: the Bay Area.
So. I’m happy. My fellow islanders, not so much 😂 but I love it and it feels great. Matter the fact, it feels/aligns with and matches my mood. Good asf. I love it. Give thanks. For a whole lotta tings, but rn, especially music. & especially this gratitude and genuine love that I am blessed and inundated with. Yeah. Alluhdat.
Life is amazing. I mean, of course it’s not perfect.
I have my very human moments of overthinking, anxiety…have you seen (been living in) the state of the world? Depression. Relationships with people you love dearly that need adjustment, or disengagement. & learning (doing your best 😬) to give yourself the same grace and compassion you extend to others. & simply navigating life and the world as a queer Black person.
Life be Lifeing.
But, the Sun always shines again…even if it ain’t tomorrow.
Some shit ain curable in a day let’s bffr.
However…it does eventually.
And what a refreshing feeling.
It’s like…taking Lessons in Breathing*
Until it once again becomes automatic
Abundant Life all around you.
Love ALL around you-
no longer sustaining oneself from a single source
that wasn’t you.
You appreciate the beautiful blues and remember that they are the same hues
As a tropical sky
Within the eye
Of the beholder.
What you believe
What you perceive
Your thoughts and thinking becoming things
Remember the sunshine. Do your best.
*shout out to the amazing Slam Poet Theresa Davis & her life-changing poem (She brought tears to my eyes during several different performances of this poem back in Atlanta)
“Stay Ready” (What A Life) by Jhene Aiko featuring Kendrick Lamar
Your proverbial gun led me to the Sun & my way out of the darkness It was…acceptance Grief. Every stage It seemed like, all…in one day
Give thanks. That contrast begets clarity Producing astonishing colours & never to be to duplicated art- These tears cleansing this cycle of insanity
Offering more love &, offering more of…broken trust Thrown back to me Adorned on a golden, Venusian platter I will always choose love…over the latter I choose my peace, over this natural disaster Protection and self preservation And. I can’t heal a wound, whilst allowing it to be constantly re-injured.
Saturn. Pisces. Retrograde, natal.
And if your goals include healing, growth, &/or moving on from things, people, substances, escapism. . .etc that don’t fuel your best, nor well-interest, higher good or well-being…
You know what it is. Nouns: person, place or tings.
Release what is no longer yours to carry & never forget that Your journey is personal. And healing isn’t linear.
Love & above ☝🏾 ✨
Oh. Here is an article on Saturn in Pisces by Chani Nicholas (also where the post image is from). She’s one of the professional astrologers that I follow on a couple socials:
Usually…well, I don’t think I made a post last year But I would post something about my B’EarthDay on my IG feed…but this year? Ine into dat. I just…am realizing that I’m not much of a fan of having my personal life up for public consumption. Been posting less and less personal stuff on the socials for a while now. I’m accepting that this is the most comfortable and balanced I feel. So yeah no
But I will post here. No personal images or videos…but, gratitude. Which is enough for me. My cup runneth over ✨
I treat myself (I do my best-some days not so much) and am treated wonderfully by the Universe, my fam and dearest loves/loved ones.
& In the ways that I show up for myself. The foods I intentionally consume and those that I stay away from. The intentional ways that I practice body movement, breathing exercises, take the time to meditate and incorporate healthier ways of being. Sticking to my morning routines. The ways that I speak to myself (the intrusive thoughts, too cuz I can overthink like a mf sometimes) but. Also what I allow and no longer allow. Having and sticking with my healthy boundaries. The life that I have cultivated that is inundated with peace. Abundance. & love. I am so much more aware of and grateful for my life and life in general.
I am extended thee most beautiful and divine love; stemming from my closest humans, to acquaintances and strangers alike.
I am grateful for every human that crosses my path. Whether it be for a reason, season &/or a lifetime…all tings align.
But yeah man..I’m just gonna continue on this path and gracefully and humbly accept all this beautiful ass love and life that I get to experience. It’s a blessing every day above ground.
Granted, some days that’s a lil hard to remember…because: being human. & Shit sucks sometimes…like shit 😂 but man. This ride has been wild af, like bat shit wild some of the things I’ve seen/lived/experienced…what a life. From ATL to the Bay. & errywhere in between…
I’ve had my share of setbacks, setups (ill-intentioned people, envious/jealous people will teach you A Lot of priceless gems and teach you how to better navigate life cuz it’s a lot of them mf’s in it) heartache and heartbreak…& I wouldn’t change that shit for anything. All it did was gift me with experience, lessons, wisdom, shadow work, discernment, a therapist! 😂😂 and the list continues with a whole lot of beautiful ass blessings along the way.
It led me here . To me. As I am now. I’m grateful af. Cuz it and I am only getting better and better. Refinement. More life 🥂 Give thanks ✨
I used that line from 1 of my fave shows, P-Valley. If you follow any of my other socials (Twitter, Instagram) then you know how much I absolutely love this show.
Ok. So why tf is that line the title of this post?
Because I felt like it. & I felt like it because the moments that I experienced leading up to even thinking of that line, had me feeling like Murda when Keyshawn showed him the WSHH feature with them. That energy. That Soul Glo ✨ cuz you now in the process of mining ⛏ your own diamonds…& once you realize…that you are also the Diamond 💎 game fucking changer.
What a time. What a life, Jhene Aiko. Seeing your shit come to fruition-in the divinely timed order it’s sposed to ✨
The feeling of having pride in your work and what the fuck you put out into the world. & also tremendous gratitude for what was, what’s happening rn and for allllll the beautiful, magical, wonderful experiences coming.
Give thanks. Gratitude for the doors and windows 🪟 that’s opening for me-& the right ones at that. The ones that feel good. That feel at ease. That feel joyful. That’s for my highest good & the highest good if all involved. Them joints that feel right & aligned ✨ give thanks.
PODCAST: The Joyful Experience
I am so pleased, so grateful and sooo excited to be sharing this Podcast & more of myself with you.
As you will hear in the Podcast, I am a 12H sun. With Jupiter in my 8H…Capricorn Mercury and Venus…ine into foolishness.
This 12H energy has me in the cut working on self in several ways, which I’m not mad about at all. & sometimes, I am beckoned to “show my face” & in this case, share my voice.
So. Here I Am.
& I am absolutely delighted to be able to share some of my innermost thoughts & feels regarding dating and mating with Astrology-& how you relate to your own birth chart.
Big up and Big love to all of the professional astrologers that have guided me these last few years and really helped a bih understand more and grow.
I am ever grateful for every opportunity and every gift. & this Podcast was certainly that.
Big love always to my beloved colleague, fellow author, writer, bad ass Scorpio witch and friend, Kat.
Give thanks for our queer family tree that’s been growin from AOL online/chat room times (yeah we old-ish) lol. I’m hella grateful for such a wonderful opportunity. That shit was hella fun.
Feeling good. Peaceful. Grateful. Appreciating the way people show up and don’t show up.
& it’s all personal- to them.
Seems like it has everything to do with you, right? But it’s actually the other person. & their action or inaction is based on what they feel. What they got going on.
Man. I used to take that shit on. I’m…no longer in the business of doing that. It doesn’t interest me any longer. & if I’ve learned anything on this post modern queer journey: it’s to only do shit, participate in shit & give my energy to shit that lights me up. Feeling responsible for someone else’s feelings or lack there of, neither excites or lights me up, lol.
& I also changed my agreement.
& it feels fucking good. & tbh, along with this new growth-
Wait- holy fuck. Before I get into the feather…my manifestations have been coming in heavy lately. On some I create what I speak, abracadabra type shit and honestly? I’m here for it!
Something has shifted. & changed…me. And as a fixed sun, who tends to get fixated on the goddess of the season that I’m feeling (I say season bc it doesn’t happens all the time like that-that I consider & regard somebody in that way), it’s a very nice feeling to be at peace. Like…truly at peace. My elevation of happiness and peace is the proof (for my own experience) of what I’ve been speaking on for years:
So. To be..idk what to call it, but it feels like a wave…flow…of acceptance, acknowledgement and gratitude.
I have a tendency to say “everyone is my teacher” and I honestly feel that way. This woman taught me so much; from my current dating style and love languages to healthy boundaries and communication (& ways I need to/am working on improving). I mean..think about it. The people that come into our lives are never a mistake. I could never say I regret our relationship. Well, I mean I could say that. But it’s the subsequent growth for me, because of you, me & our dynamic.
Idc how long it lasted. It was valid, important and taught me some shit. & for that, for all my life and love teachers, I give thanks. The presence, the lessons and the blessings.
I found a white feather randomly in my bedroom. The internet “spirituality meaning” experts said this:
White feathers can seem like good luck, but it is less to do with luck and more to do with your vibration changing that is allowing better things to appear in your reality. In this way, white feathers are more a sign of “law of attraction” rather than random good luck.
If white feathers appear just as something positive has happened, it is a sign that you have shifted something on a deep level, such as a core belief system, that is allowing better things to come into your life.
Receiving white feathers from the flow of the universe is a sign that you have gone through many challenges and done the hard work to break through any limiting beliefs that have held you back. This is a period of time where you connecting and identifying with your core essence and higher self.
White feathers in this context bring a refreshed sense of hope and faith for the future and bring in the energy of gratitude and peace. You are entering into a season in your life that may be new to you, filled with gifts that the universe wants to send your way.
To see a white feather after a positive event happens means that this is a time where you should put energy and attention towards your personal and spiritual growth, so that you can continue to open up the layers that are ready to receive the gifts headed your way. You can only hold onto the capacity that your energetic container can hold, so this is a time to expand and strengthen that container.
Presence takes on a whole new meaning for me this year-a more intentional and actual/factual meaning.
Standing in the sand ocean against feet. & Being able to look so clearly at the stars in the sky. It reminds you of how smalll you are. & how big…grand, vast…erry thing out there is. & how things are orchestrated divinely, over our own human understanding of things.
One thing that I know for sure: I am still learning and growing. And people show up exactly on time-to remind us of what being present and grounded is AND all of the ways that we may not be. Fuck.
In the midst of building a home (thank the Goddess we are nearing the finish line as the year ends, I have never felt so overwhelmed) transitioning to a whole new life and dealing with familial roots and dynamics that I haven’t been around in the last…24 or so years…it’s been a lot.
But I’m very grateful for the things that I’m learning and being connected with them again. This December makes a whole ass year since I’ve been back and it has been…1 for the books, lol. & as much as everything in my body and mind was ready to head in the opposite direction ✈️ …there is a purpose that I’m back here now. For how long? I don’t know yet. But knowing that my presence here is for something bigger than me-for family and making sure my mum is good and in a brand new home, settled after losing everything in Hurricane Dorian…is what makes every fear and uncertainty, doubt, regret…dissipate. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about how in an instant I almost lost her and the majority of my family on my Mums side…life is…fucking wild.
& when I speak of regret and doubt-it’s me speaking on my own personal demons and journey of giving up a life I have known in another country for the last 20+ years and all of the comforts, the freedom (as a queer person) and ease…that I made the very hard (but easy) decision to leave.
Because my presence was needed here. Presence. Again, that word. This reflection I’m experiencing I suppose is pretty on brand with the year coming to a close.
This post is also pertaining to a connection that I once viewed as promising and refreshing…& I still give it that, as it was. So. Now I’m boutta digress. & since my site has the word confession in it, what did you expect? Lol
I’m…hmm. Acknowledging that people are allowed to change their minds. & allowed to make decisions and choices based on what’s best for them…I have to move forward in that logical space of processing. I believe it was Chani Nicholas who posted up about Sagittarius season and called it the season of “spirited ghosting” 👻 & as a Sagg Moon…the shit is awful, but made sense and made me chuckle when I read it. However, it’s not the best feeling when it’s done to you. As anyone who has ever been on that side of the fence can attest.
Have I done it before? I’m pretty sure I have in my past. Before I grew into the person that I am now. And. So now, I’m tasked with practicing what I am always preaching (from the book The Four Agreements) & 1)doing my best to 2) not take personal someone making a personal decision for themselves. Ehhhh.
Astrologer Danielle (one of my faves) said that your rising is there to protect your Sun. And with Pisces as my rising…umm I dunno bout that 😂 jk, jk. Because with my Aquarius Sun and Sagg Moon…I definitely needed to have that water rising to protect my Sun (at 29° Leo, no doubt) and me from being too hard, selfish, egotistical, self consumed, etc….that water is so necessary. & even though we know the fish can be a bit much sometimes, it’s exactly what I needed to provide the balance necessary that I always strive towards lined up with my Air sun, Fire Moon and Earth Venus. Perfect. For me. & for whomever I end up aligned with in a relationship.
Because I understand now. And I’m so much better and letting things be exactly what they are, without attaching negatively to it, idealizing or romanticizing it to the point of delusion…Neptune can make you do that shit, lol. But. I realize that I can’t do anything with the potential of a thing, only the reality of it. Fuck.
Wisdom comes at a cost, lol. You see me here intellectually speaking on this shit, but I would be lying if I sat here typing and said that this presence and then absence of something/someone hasn’t affected me at all. I’m a human, not a robot contrary to typical Aquarius slander. It’s affected me. Not in an egotistical way though-because like I said, everyone has a right to do what is best for them & I always say that no one belongs to anyone else- but changed me in a way that has helped me grow. I was able to open up and show my vulnerable side to someone (I usually don’t that quickly-Capricorn Venus-lemme stop there because this connection has proven that I have grown) so being open and vulnerable with someone was once a challenge. But. This perfect alignment with her (be it short lived) has shown me all the the ways I have grown for the better. & not being bitter about something that I had so much hope for dissipating the way it did.
It gives me hope and I am grateful for being able to see me; as the person that I was once working to become (in relation to relating to someone I’m feeling/interested in romantically). Fuck. Because I know when I do align and connect with someone on this level again, I know that I’ve done the work and am capable of giving and sharing love, care, myself etc wholeheartedly…with only the intentions of giving and receiving the highest love. Sans unhealthy attachment, ego, none of that shit that I used to deal/rock with.
It’s fucking possible! Lol. It’s a great feeling amidst being bummed about something not going according to my own human plan-but the Universe and my Ancestors…they know what’s up and I trust them. That every redirection of energy and attention is for my highest good and the highest good of all involved.
That’s the shit, man. Because I always say that things are always working out for me-for my highest good AND the highest good of all involved…sometimes I just wanna be selfish and just say for my own highest good, Lolol. But. That’s not what love is. If we being real. I want shit to work for me, but also for you, too. I want it to be working for the higher good for us both. Smh. When tf did I become this person, lol. Well. I am grateful to be here, now. As I am.
I’m here to give and share real love (Cancer 5H and NN) with others. Remind them that they are worthy of the greatest love and care. Might not be from me forever, but they are worthy nonetheless. & acknowledging that I can’t do the work for anyone else but myself. & I am only responsible for me and how I choose to show up. That being said, I will never regret giving or sharing any of my love/care/concern with anyone, because it’s who I am. I’m a fucking lover, man. & I’m grateful for those who see me, feel me, receive me as I am and choose to intentionally show up and reciprocate. & for the ones who don’t, can’t/are unable to for whatever reason…peace to them.
Everyone is my teacher.
Eternally grateful for my life teachers that bless me with lessons that I needed to see/learn. To help fix my vision and readjustment of frequencies. Operating from fear, or embodying of a “runner/chaser” energy is not it. Because anything that is avoiding or running…doesn’t want to be chased. Shit makes sense don’t it? That’s not the type of energy I desire. I’m operating from a space of love and alignment now. & knowing that I am worthy of all the love that I give out. All the good shit, I am worthy of. And as I exhale and release this long ass post of acknowledgments, I am extremely grateful to be here. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I created this video that I posted to my IG stories. I don’t see why my wordpress fam should be denied, lol.
& I would like to add that I appreciate & highly value: honesty, integrity…vulnerability (as long as she feels safe to be) and authenticity. A Goddess who isn’t afraid of growth. Someone who is loving, a kind human and affectionate..I like that shit
A Goddess of Sensuality with healthy boundaries. Worldly, i.e. loves to travel and experience new places, while appreciating the beauty in other cultures and ways of living.
She exudes femininity & has a sense humor/can be goofy and loves to laugh & be happy*
*I fuck with all the vibes, but just not the fake ones*
So I’ll never be one of those “positive vibes only” people. That’s like being a robot with no feelings & is just plain harmful & toxic. IMO. so yeah no. We all experience a range of emotions and being able to process & deal with them in a healthy way is the goal. Be angry, be pissed off, be moody if need be, just as long as we not suppressing our feelings, we good. Healthy communication is key. Healthy outlets and knowing oneself; for example my 12H Sun calls for isolation in order for me to process. & I’ve found that taking the necessary steps & space to do so works best. For me. So I want her to feel comfortable with feeling the big and sometimes not so pleasant feelings and do what’s best in her own ways of processing & healing. As long as we’re not sweeping 🧹 shit under the rug and lovingly & intentionally dealing with the opportunities (notice I didn’t say “problems” -because words are powerful) for growth and greater understanding of ourselves and one another.
Soooo, yeah healthy communication is paramount. As is emotional intelligence. & Being cognizant of each other’s love languages. Respect. Even in difficult times.
Loyalty and commitment to one other is also high on my list of things that I value…as an Aqua Sun, Capricorn Venus also respecting each other’s autonomy and monogamy. Stable foundations and co-creation, not co-dependency.
If there’s anything else I think of that aligns I will add to this further. But yeah…
I really and truly love when I witness a work and body of art that moves me completely. I’m on the last episode of this limited series called “Scenes From A Marriage” and I’m…Disheveled to my core. & reborn.
Because I see bits and pieces in my own villain/lover original sin-love story; the similarities and reminders of one of my deepest loves. & conversations that were happening that I couldn’t fathom their meaning because I was too stuck on the in between of a deferred dream and my ideals…based on what I thought was supposed to happen.
My idealistic take on love and what being in a relationship was. Fuck me…these scenes remind me of that lucid dream. & the reality of my ex’s humanity in seeing that our dreams were parallel until they weren’t. Her raw honesty. & how sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees, based on your own hurt, or your own worth-or, perhaps lack there of.
Either way, this show really reached into the depths of me. Reminded me of reality. & how beautiful it is to be loved and be human. All of the messy and complicated parts included. So. In conclusion, I wrote some words about it:
Is there some ONE for every ONE? Or are we simply to experience Different lovers, different ideas & learn what the meaning is Contained within each vessel is a lesson A blessing & sometimes a curse We hurt, we scream, we cry, we mourn until...we remember our worth & what works & truly what doesn’t On slippery slopes we slide Until we collide Until we collapse Then perhaps Learn the meaning Of what isn’t Until one day we decide to put away The label makers & realize the humanness of loving each other boldly & making mistakes along the way Whose to say That I can’t belong to me only & give to you still A cup that’s filled Drinking from crystal glasses 20/20 with rose tinted spectacles We give everyone permanency & make them a collectible We hoard them, put them on a shelf right next to their pedestal To be polished so we can never see them with their subtle scars & prominent scratches We speak about the happiness Of having them But never fully experience them beyond the shell of our perceptions and expectations Erase the individual wants and needs For “we” have done ourselves a disservice Make it our purpose to worship Holy, but not common ground Just to feel safe & sound I want you around But only after you’ve found Yourself. Love your missteps Love is politically incorrect An emotional treasure within a shipwreck emotional rebirth & death On our tippy toes the closer we reach for depth And learn to swim in the abyss That darkness That elicits a sharp breath Uncontrollable we try to make it a point to hold onto that which we don’t know Write a script for love instead of Letting it all naturally come together and unfold Without permission we assign roles The rules were skewed a long time ago... That’s why you must decide your own Find your home Welcome. Rest your bones There a place for your comb and your calm.
When I say thank you…I truly mean it. & it’s not my honour or my pleasure to be bestowed such altruism. For a long time I felt like I was stuck here:
A prisoner in Heaven.
Heaven because for me, this country allowed me to escape Hell in my Home country of
Personal & LIFE Persecution…
So when I say “Thank You, Mr. President” it is from the depths of my Soul
I know the Creator has moved Divinely through you & I humbly thank you for being his vessel & the compassionate Child of God who granted me my Liberty.
& Eye Say: