Too

Queer

And always, home is where my heart is-beating faithfully within my chest.

👁 e

home is always with/within me.

first and foremost.

A reminder. A celebration…

Mercury & Mars are direct.

& I had to recollect
the story of me
Of my…divinity
The fact that I am loved. & adored infinitely…simply…
because I exist.
Give thanks.

I wish you…

Queer

There was a time when I would have used those iconic lyrics (sung by Angie Stone) signifying my immediate sentiments, after a relationship separation.

But, alas. At this particular time and place…space in my growth; I wish you the same as I intend for me: Peace. & so much love.

For me. That includes being far, far away from you. Like I said, peace.

I’ve walked within these firestorms…the norm. For so long. Today and always, I step out & away from humans…that aren’t safe. & emotionally reckless, negligent &/or irresponsible.

Don’t Wake The Dead x Salt Life

Queer

I hate sounding cliché. & this is probably gonna sound cliché as hell, but 2023 is definitely a year of change. Good change. Well…I guess all change is good. Idk if I can speak for that for every single case/person, but the good change? Yeah that’s that shit I’m on.

Ok but Wtf does this have to do with the dead?

Every-fucking-thing.

Because there are a couple people in my life, with all love- I choose not to resuscitate the connections.

Excavating the same grave

& expecting new life

When only toxicity is resurrected every time…

Connection 2:

2022

with her was…bird food.

& because of my very strong like, allowed myself to be breadcrumbed

Succumbed

To lust

& pretty potential

When in actuality

reality: this toy was shiny

But still a gun.

Capable of

An inescapable fog and inexplicable buzz

But.

Love

And Saturn returning me to center.

Shadow work and

Two names on parchment and

Let it burn 🔥

What is dead, is no longer

That’s what the fuck I call higher learning.

Message in a bottle (Mummy Dearest)

Queer
After Mercury. & After Mars.
They both retrograde right now. & it was by the grace of the twitter gods that reminded me of this astrological occurrence with those 2 planets.

Still. I hopped on WhatsApp and began typing a message to my mum.
Some of the realest shit I ever wrote.

I have some things I need to get off of my chest. Release this negative energy and this pressure in my heart. Because holding things in, makes ppl explode. And it’s counterproductive to any type of growth.

Why do you volunteer information that no one asked you for?

It seems like whenever (especially) you are feeling some type of way about me, you always do that. Say something to try and embarrass me or put me down in some way, in front of others.

Why do you do that? It’s so toxic and unnecessary. And just, the actions of someone who doesn’t like or actually hates the other person. That’s how you make me feel. Please stop doing this. It’s embarrassing for the both of us esp when it’s front of people.

Tonight…tonight I am accepting FINALLY that some generational curses, maybe just can’t be broken. Because the toxic bonds/relationships and the horrible ways we handle, treat & mistreat one another…being BLOOD related…Has got to be a curse. With the exception of aunt L and her children, we are cursed with toxicity with the women and their children.

The proof is all there. & I can’t change anything and want to do better and be better, for the both of us. To not want to have a bad relationship with my mother like Y & AV. C and AV. All of you sisters. Once you all get angry you completely cut each other off and move on. That’s so unhealthy and so toxic.

No one apologizes. No one is accountable. We just have attitudes and stop speaking to each other. Where is the love???? Where is the compassion and understanding that we have for everyone else, but each other?

Doing the same thing, being the same harmful, mean, hurtful person…and expecting different results, is called insanity.

I feel like a stranger compared to the way you treat other people. Like you prefer everyone else on the planet as your child or adopted child, over me. This is how I feel. & it breaks my heart. This ya how I’ve felt for as long as I can remember.

I don’t want to live a stressful uncomfortable life. & Nobody wants to walk on eggshells as you put it. Or be in negative ass energy. I feel like emotionally and psychologically, I’m regressing here.

In this life I’ve learned that some people…just do better loving each other, from a distance.

It’s a hard pill to swallow when it’s a personal truth, but I have to acknowledge and accept that this path and the way we are with each other when things go left, is not healthy. It’s not good. & this is why I’ve made the decision to detach from this toxicity.

2Pac. Fences. (That’s just the way it is)

Queer
I love you. I have learned. For my own protection.
and self preservation (mentally, emotionally, psychologically)
That like you
when it comes to me…
I don’t like you.
The generational curse is strong in this one.
-Dear Mama

Ironically enough..My mum sent me the same clip as the gif I used as the feature image on this post (she sent the extra long clip from Fences, starring Denzel some years back. This was not a teachable moment for her. It was more of an affirming one. Matter of fact, she used that clip to REMIND me that being available emotionally, nurturing, kind, etc. was not here role as a parent. It was to provide.

She never ceases to remind me in some way that A) she never wanted kids.

And B) it’s always been more toleration than genuinely wanting to be a parent.

C)It fucking sucks to be on the receiving end of this your whole life.

Day 3. 2023. Maybe one day I’ll stop taking the shit personally. Or, maybe I won’t and this wound will forever be mine to experience. Idk.

Bad Habits

Queer

In 2004, this amazing film, Closer, was released. That shit changed my life. It certainly changed the way that I looked at adult relationships and fidelity. Fucked my lil idealistic head up, if I’m being honest. Because the truth of all this;

Being human: you gon fuck up.

Might not be adultery, but being imperfect, we not always gonna get the shit right. But. It’s also how we handle things. & how the other person handles things. Because with some shit, there’s no going backwards. For me anyway. When it comes to trust and being honest with intentions, I hold that shit in high regard.

Funnies shit about that though? Just bc you hold it in high regard, doesn’t mean that the other person does. Well. Whatever the case. Broken trust, is hard pill to swallow. & falling in love (or lust) with other people absolutely can and does happen. It’s how you handle the shit as it comes up (& openly communicate about it) that can save ya some time, energy &/or heartbreak. All in all, I didn’t want to go into a new year without creating/posting content from Closer. & remix it with a lil twitter.

I’m not Rihanna I do not love the way you lie. I will block you.

Video clip I edited featuring Closer x twitter

A/V Output

Queer

Being/feeling not grounded, sucks. You notice the imbalance easier once you start living intentionally, authentically & paying tf attention.

I tried to pay attention but attention paid me.

-she will

& for that to happen (for me) I have to cut out the noise & the distractions. The demands of the outside world that holds your peace…hostage.

Until you…
sick of making plea deals for your own sanity
Get a grip…
on reality
Unplug from this…
status:connected (but very disconnected) fantasy

& get back to nature. Which is also meaning to get back to the root: get back to you.

It gets easier once you start to strip away layers of agreements that were made-with and without your consent.

The peace…of saying “no” is unmatched. & not in a mean, stingy way of being…nah. In a selfish way of being. Yeah, selfish. If that means taking care of self, I’m for it. Not harmful to others or cruel. No.

Caring for others…comes secondary to caring for you.

You are the root.

Water. You need water.

All dem Brujas

Queer
Me and bae in a dimly lit lounge.
Sippin drinks with clever names & shit hard to pronounce


We sip.
We stare into the eyes of each other’s abyss-
& welcome it
With open arms
I worship her body as a living, breathing psalm…

I booked us an exquisite suite
in the boutique-
hotel not too far from here

In our gay village, surrounded by community

It’s a full moon eclipse
we sip
&
Embrace our lunacy…

Two.

Too goddamn powerful to ever be tamed
Or,
Contained

Music is playing
“Diamond” by All Them Witches

You, look absolutely delicious.

Sittin. Pretty.
Ready
to be devoured


I, ready to oblige
Etta James-
damn, your eyes..

In this dimly lit room
She has that look
that lets me know, it’s time to go..it’s time to consume
🔥

Sometimes…you gotta stay ready

Queer

Sometimes,
I just wanna bare my soul
Release all this weight from this heart of gold

& simply,
Let it be
Rest
in another’s thoughts, another’s regard…in another context
We both fixed signs so we test on who does stubborn the best
I guess…
We both do.

I jest,
but I’m no fool
The Emperor and Magician
Qing of Pentacles, Capricorn Venus

Jupiter in Scorpio
7H Virgo…The meanest, cleanest
Rawest love
That water love

Sometimes inundates
Those coming from being used to half ass, low vibrational plates

There’s only so much we can leave to fate

2 individuals on their individual missions
Gotta share that Mariah Carey, vision
Of love

That feels like…
Soaking under the full moon wit your lover in a claw foot tub 🛀
absolute peace
It could all be…if we ready

“You not a tree, you can move!” Coach Stormy

Also. I find it VERY interesting that Coach Stormy has an Aquarius AND a Leo stellium 💀🫠 Here is a couple tweets about her astrology:

Whisper, Roulette & that Woo-woo shit

Queer

  • Mercedes
  • Mind Power/Mind Control
  • Visualization

The power of your mind…& combine that with visualization?

You making shit happen ✨

Cuz look at how Mercedes saw Roulette & Whispers audition & in the mix of it, her mind took her to the stage, watching them headline and perform that routine-

Which…they in fact did later on-JUST how Mercedes saw them in her mind at the audition.

Shit is wild.

& the power you possess is real.

What are you powering up/giving your power to?

What thoughts, what fears are you contemplating, visualizing, overthinking into existence?

Yes, you absolutely wield that type of power. Use that shit wisely, my loves.

I’m not ok, Lauren. HBU?

Queer

Y’all remember That scene when Lauren Hawkins (Health department chick who shut the Pynk down in season 2) was getting her lap dance from Gidget? This was in the VIP room in season 1.

She was having a grand old time, a phenomenal time living it up and celebrating her divorce settlement and subsequent blowing her divorce settlement on titties and street shit (IYKYK-it’s a reference to another character)

But…the thing about depression and sadness and especially if you are good at masking/ or a high, or otherwise, functioning depressed individual.

But you could (seemingly) be on top of the world and all of a sudden…then thoughts creep up. Reality sets back in and this amazing experience is overshadowed by what you really got going on inside.

It can hit you and fuck your shit up and remind you that you really are not OK.

So.

Yeah that scene wit Lauren…that moment happened quickly and was brief as fuck. & if you not paying attention, you could miss it.

but I’ve experienced enough to overstand what that sadness in the midst of heaven can feel like. & it’s ok. You will have your moments.

Do your best to not let those moments become your entire story. But acknowledging the shit is healthy. Pretending and suppressing, is not.

Yeah. That’s all I got for now.

“I’m Glowin The Fuck Up!” -Lil Murda

Queer

I used that line from 1 of my fave shows, P-Valley. If you follow any of my other socials (Twitter, Instagram) then you know how much I absolutely love this show.

Ok. So why tf is that line the title of this post?

Because I felt like it. & I felt like it because the moments that I experienced leading up to even thinking of that line, had me feeling like Murda when Keyshawn showed him the WSHH feature with them. That energy. That Soul Glo ✨ cuz you now in the process of mining ⛏ your own diamonds…& once you realize…that you are also the Diamond 💎 game fucking changer.

What a time. What a life, Jhene Aiko. Seeing your shit come to fruition-in the divinely timed order it’s sposed to ✨

The feeling of having pride in your work and what the fuck you put out into the world. & also tremendous gratitude for what was, what’s happening rn and for allllll the beautiful, magical, wonderful experiences coming.

Give thanks. Gratitude for the doors and windows 🪟 that’s opening for me-& the right ones at that. The ones that feel good. That feel at ease. That feel joyful. That’s for my highest good & the highest good if all involved. Them joints that feel right & aligned ✨ give thanks.

PODCAST: The Joyful Experience

I am so pleased, so grateful and sooo excited to be sharing this Podcast & more of myself with you.

As you will hear in the Podcast, I am a 12H sun. With Jupiter in my 8H…Capricorn Mercury and Venus…ine into foolishness.

This 12H energy has me in the cut working on self in several ways, which I’m not mad about at all. & sometimes, I am beckoned to “show my face” & in this case, share my voice.

So. Here I Am.

& I am absolutely delighted to be able to share some of my innermost thoughts & feels regarding dating and mating with Astrology-& how you relate to your own birth chart.

Big up and Big love to all of the professional astrologers that have guided me these last few years and really helped a bih understand more and grow.

I am ever grateful for every opportunity and every gift. & this Podcast was certainly that.

Big love always to my beloved colleague, fellow author, writer, bad ass Scorpio witch and friend, Kat.

Give thanks for our queer family tree that’s been growin from AOL online/chat room times (yeah we old-ish) lol. I’m hella grateful for such a wonderful opportunity. That shit was hella fun.

Syncere, Guest Host. The Joyful Experience Podcast, August, 2022

Listen To Full Podcast Here

Pvalley Prayer (Words are Spells)

Queer

“Lord, we ask that you bless The Pynk tonight as we try to go out with one last…big ass bang.”
-Uncle Clifford


Yo.
They say be careful what you wish for.

& to be very intentional with the words you use & speak over yourself/your life and others.

Cuz Murda Night sure did go out wit a big ass bang 🔫
& my bb Uncle Clifford spoke that into existence 😭
& co-created with all the other elements necessary for Murda Night to end the way it did.
Uncle Clifford’s Prayer 🤲