Scenes. & Action

Queer

I really and truly love when I witness a work and body of art that moves me completely. I’m on the last episode of this limited series called “Scenes From A Marriage” and I’m…Disheveled to my core. & reborn.

Because I see bits and pieces in my own villain/lover original sin-love story; the similarities and reminders of one of my deepest loves. & conversations that were happening that I couldn’t fathom their meaning because I was too stuck on the in between of a deferred dream and my ideals…based on what I thought was supposed to happen.

My idealistic take on love and what being in a relationship was. Fuck me…these scenes remind me of that lucid dream. & the reality of my ex’s humanity in seeing that our dreams were parallel until they weren’t. Her raw honesty. & how sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees, based on your own hurt, or your own worth-or, perhaps lack there of.

Either way, this show really reached into the depths of me. Reminded me of reality. & how beautiful it is to be loved and be human. All of the messy and complicated parts included. So. In conclusion, I wrote some words about it:

Is there some ONE for every ONE?
Or are we simply to experience
Different lovers, different ideas & learn what the meaning is
Contained within each vessel is a lesson
A blessing
& sometimes a curse
We hurt, we scream, we cry, we mourn until...we remember our worth
& what works
& truly what doesn’t
On slippery slopes we slide
Until we collide
Until we collapse
Then perhaps
Learn the meaning
Of what isn’t
Until one day we decide to put away
The label makers
& realize the humanness of loving each other boldly & making mistakes along the way
Whose to say
That I can’t belong to me only
& give to you still
A cup that’s filled
Drinking from crystal glasses
20/20 with rose tinted spectacles
We give everyone permanency & make them a collectible
We hoard them, put them on a shelf right next to their pedestal
To be polished so we can never see them with their subtle scars & prominent scratches
We speak about the happiness
Of having them
But never fully experience them beyond the shell of our perceptions and expectations
Erase the individual wants and needs
For “we”
have done ourselves a disservice
Make it our purpose to worship
Holy, but not common ground
Just to feel safe & sound
I want you around
But only after you’ve found
Yourself.
Love your missteps
Love is politically incorrect
An emotional treasure within a shipwreck
emotional rebirth & death
On our tippy toes the closer we reach for depth
And learn to swim in the abyss
That darkness
That elicits a sharp breath
Uncontrollable we try to make it a point to hold onto that which we don’t know
Write a script for love instead of
Letting it all naturally come together and unfold
Without permission we assign roles
The rules were skewed
a long time ago...
That’s why you must decide your own
Find your home
Welcome.
Rest your bones
There a place for your comb
and your calm.

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