I almost cried. I need to check the calendar bc…well. Mama Moon.
It takes faith, yes. And work. Even…realizing that, I suggest therapy, if available. & lots of love.
Love for your self. Care for your Self. And being gentle with yourself in the process of understanding why you settled for less than in the past, or vice versa.
Some are afraid; not of love, but of being loved and possibly…subsequently being heartbroken.
Trauma comes in many forms, loves.
It could look like self sabotage. Where… the choices we make and the people we allow into our lives are shitty asf for us-I. Been there. Done that. Learned that vibe…was hella trash.
It was…hurt. I was an adult- still hurt. Still unsure. It was…abandonment issues from an absentee/pt dad…which led me to say yes to things & people…I damn sure had no business agreeing to.
We live. We learn…& we apply the lessons.
Because these choices, inherently are ways that I was telling the Universe that yes, this is all I deserve.
I get it.
We echo our most secret…the quiet sentiments of our belief systems…within/with? the choices we make. As life unfolds…The fucknuttery that we allow is because maybe…that’s all we know.
I remember going through a part of my process of unlearning and learning…I would beat myself up about some of the decisions I’ve made, relationships I allowed to continue that were honestly done…like one in particular that should have ended with a Taurus, a year prior to it actually ending ( 2 Fixed Signs, yay 🙃)
But I mean…I was giving myself an extra hard time for…being human.
I also remember studying the words and works of Dr. Maya Angelou (her wisdom…I can’t even) and very auspiciously coming across this quote that helped me heal that wound:
So. For some of us…we don’t even know what we deserve. Until we work on learning and loving who we are. Then. We can see, feel, know & understand our value.
Self love is so divine. But, if you aren’t there yet…be patient and understand it will take time.
& absolute devotion…to you.
As long as you do it for the love of loving you.
Knowing you are enough, as is, right where you are…
One day, you will have that aha moment
you will never look outside of yourself again; look to another person, nor a thing, to sustain you. To fulfill you or complete you.
You. Are Everything. &
Everything Is YOU.
-Yes, this song absolutely came to mind:
& the care, the love, the devotion that you pour into yourself…if a person can’t match that…or won’t even attempt to learn how to…is not for you.
You already feel full. & you can give it to yourself, you can share that beautiful love with others and the world and it comes back in many, many unique forms: all love, tho.
So. If someone comes along and can’t give you the care or love that you need and deserve…Here is where you break the Agreement with yourself, your old belief systems that said this shiny package (pun not intended, but also…maybe a little?🤷🏾♂️) is enough & you should settle.
If you trust yourself, trust your intuition & do your best to not go against yourself. For something less than. When you deserve the whole goddamn universe.
I understand (now) that I had to get to this vibe & level of cognizance in order to know this. & the vibe of appreciating and loving yourself. That I, that YOU…we really deserve this beautiful ass love.
Life. The shit doesn’t come with a manual…and it’s an everlasting journey. & boi do we have some unpacking to do.
Take the space & the steps needed.
Sometimes…it’s a solitary road (never mind Joey up there)
Because…your main focus can only be on the subject at hand: You.
Issa process. & absolutely worth it. Some of the choices I made in the past, things I’ve said yes to…I wouldn’t dare go against myself like that now. But don’t get it twisted, still a work in progress. Still occasionally fucking up shit…just not to the same degree or even close as before, but shit 🤷🏾♂️ that’s…life. Do your best to not fuck up at all…but surely, as you learn, fuck up…less. Makes sense?