Y’all remember That scene when Lauren Hawkins (Health department chick who shut the Pynk down in season 2) was getting her lap dance from Gidget? This was in the VIP room in season 1.
She was having a grand old time, a phenomenal time living it up and celebrating her divorce settlement and subsequent blowing her divorce settlement on titties and street shit (IYKYK-it’s a reference to another character)
But…the thing about depression and sadness and especially if you are good at masking/ or a high, or otherwise, functioning depressed individual.
But you could (seemingly) be on top of the world and all of a sudden…then thoughts creep up. Reality sets back in and this amazing experience is overshadowed by what you really got going on inside.
It can hit you and fuck your shit up and remind you that you really are not OK.
Yeah that scene wit Lauren…that moment happened quickly and was brief as fuck. & if you not paying attention, you could miss it.
but I’ve experienced enough to overstand what that sadness in the midst of heaven can feel like. & it’s ok. You will have your moments.
Do your best to not let those moments become your entire story. But acknowledging the shit is healthy. Pretending and suppressing, is not.
I used that line from 1 of my fave shows, P-Valley. If you follow any of my other socials (Twitter, Instagram) then you know how much I absolutely love this show.
Ok. So why tf is that line the title of this post?
Because I felt like it. & I felt like it because the moments that I experienced leading up to even thinking of that line, had me feeling like Murda when Keyshawn showed him the WSHH feature with them. That energy. That Soul Glo ✨ cuz you now in the process of mining ⛏ your own diamonds…& once you realize…that you are also the Diamond 💎 game fucking changer.
What a time. What a life, Jhene Aiko. Seeing your shit come to fruition-in the divinely timed order it’s sposed to ✨
The feeling of having pride in your work and what the fuck you put out into the world. & also tremendous gratitude for what was, what’s happening rn and for allllll the beautiful, magical, wonderful experiences coming.
Give thanks. Gratitude for the doors and windows 🪟 that’s opening for me-& the right ones at that. The ones that feel good. That feel at ease. That feel joyful. That’s for my highest good & the highest good if all involved. Them joints that feel right & aligned ✨ give thanks.
PODCAST: The Joyful Experience
I am so pleased, so grateful and sooo excited to be sharing this Podcast & more of myself with you.
As you will hear in the Podcast, I am a 12H sun. With Jupiter in my 8H…Capricorn Mercury and Venus…ine into foolishness.
This 12H energy has me in the cut working on self in several ways, which I’m not mad about at all. & sometimes, I am beckoned to “show my face” & in this case, share my voice.
So. Here I Am.
& I am absolutely delighted to be able to share some of my innermost thoughts & feels regarding dating and mating with Astrology-& how you relate to your own birth chart.
Big up and Big love to all of the professional astrologers that have guided me these last few years and really helped a bih understand more and grow.
I am ever grateful for every opportunity and every gift. & this Podcast was certainly that.
Big love always to my beloved colleague, fellow author, writer, bad ass Scorpio witch and friend, Kat.
Give thanks for our queer family tree that’s been growin from AOL online/chat room times (yeah we old-ish) lol. I’m hella grateful for such a wonderful opportunity. That shit was hella fun.
I honestly don’t want anyone to chase me or feel like they gotta chase me, cuz my attention is no longer theirs- based on the ways they was moving funny.
Or because I called my energy back and whatever attachment I had to the situation and you, is dissipating.
I’m such a huge fan and advocate of clarity. It’s a necessity for me. Especially in my relationships. Clear, healthy, open and honest communication, but, just cuz you a fan of that type of vibe, that don’t mean that the other person is.
But what I’m not gonna do is keep making excuses for shitty behaviour &/or treatment-for whatever reason. Or me feeling like I’m always the one that has to reach out…ehhh, no thanks.
I’m not with that. Not when I worked this hard to be this healed and grow this damn much. My Venus AND my 7H are blessed with Saturn placements 🙂…you think I didn’t have to put in ALL the work? Smt. Please. From figuring out life at a very young age & how to move, love & survive in a world foreign to me, I’m not with the bullshit*
*by bullshit I mean…someone making my life or making a connection unnecessarily difficult. I’d rather you not disturb me/my life at all…if this is what you bring & have to offer.
Confusion and mixed signals…is communication enough, when you think about it.
We often sometimes expect things out of people because of the way we move & love, but shit, some just aren’t able to reciprocate. Or…they just don’t feel like you are worth the effort. If we gon continue to keep it real on this here Blog. Truth ain’t always peaches and roses. & roses do have thorns…so.
Here we are. This imbalanced dynamic. So now, here comes the great lord of time and karma: Saturn 🪐 poppin up like
Like…let’s see if you’ve learned these lessons, or you just talk that shit on Twitter, Lolol. Man. The test is always in session. For me & in my opinion.
Because based on what you believe about yourself (self worth or lack there of) will manifest in your relationships and potential relationships. & honestly, I’m not failing that shit no more. Matter of fact, I want extra fucking credit. Ok, ok…I may be getting ahead of myself ✋🏿 Because yes, I did entertain something further than I should have-
& as much as my ass be posting Instagram captions talking about
When people show you who they are, believe them. The first time.
Dr. Maya Angelou
I love that quote and I’ve used it numerous times. But yet. & still. After she showed me a couple times…I did believe her and my ass still passed go 🙂
Yeah well, I passed go couple times…based on “potential” and not reality. & what she was actually showing me.
I decided that this time tho (& any time moving forward) I will not allow someone to take me to hell. For no goddamn reason.
& here’s what I’ve learned and what I love: that there are no hard feelings. It just is what it is & I refuse to pretend it is, what it ain’t.
So if someone is going to be back and forth; they wanna fuck with you one day or for a lil while, then switch up…I’m good on that.
I’m not a fan of the runner-chaser dynamic, either. & to be real…it’s not even that I’m “running.” I’m just not checking anymore.
Peace to that.
& peace to the things that need to show up to remind you exactly where you are at.
& peace to them leaving as I remember not only the lesson, but that I am worth way more than that bs ✌🏿
Ok a few planets are in Aries, rn, if I’m not mistaken. I remember someone mentioning 4 of them by May 24th- which, ironically is my Gem Sun/Leo/Taurus ex’s birthday. Also coincidentally, she has her Venus in Aries. Which I just found out recently, but explainsssss A Lot 🤓
But I digress from the main Aries point. If you’re not an Astro Heaux like I am one (I’m not a professional, I’m an enthusiast who appreciates all the ways that learning about astrology has enlightened me) I will post an infographic on Aries for you to give you an insight to what the vibe is:
This Aries energy in the sky, rn. Add that to Mercury being in Gemini 🤔 perhaps it might be the reason for what I’m about to say. Oh & it’s eclipse season andddd almost Mercury retrograde. Pluto is already retrograde to. Sooo who am I to deny this energy the cosmos has beseeched upon us
If I’m replying to your personal stories featuring selfies, low key (& high key 🔑 ) thirst traps with heart eyes- wait & I say personal because I heart eyes other shit all the time; pets, delicious looking plates of food, etc, but not anyones selfie or no shit like that…because I don’t want anyone getting the wrong impression. Unless it’s one of my gay ass friends beings exceptionally fucking fabulous, thas different.
So if I heart eyes the image or video of YOU, or share some choice (always respectful- I don’t get *disrespectful til we start dating and & even more so when we start mating 😈) words of enthusiasm, based on what I see/admire/lust for 😂…and you hit a nigga with the prayer hands 🙏🏿…I’ma stop sending them. & assume (like I heard someone say- prolly saw it on twitter, tbh) No hard feelings, but I’m prolly not the intended audience 🎯 of said image or thirst trap…& I gotta respect it and keep it pushin.
To be honest, I didn’t want your prayers, I wanted your pussy.
Blessed. Like you riding my face and baptizing me in your wet-
Lemme chill, lol. Also, today feels like it’s ruled by Venus, but Jupiter calls the shots. I ain’t mad at it. I fuck with the vibe.
*disrespectful* = respectfully nasty and freaky, but sooo much so-that it seems disrespectful. For ex. “disrespectful sex”
I wonder if it’s my 12H Sun or my Jupiter in Scorpio ♏️ as to why I (think) that I contemplate death and loss more than the average person. Hmm, contemplate is a strong word. I don’t consider it as taboo or hard to discuss as most people do.
But. I mean. We all have experienced or will experience loss in some form. & this is why I go so hard for presence. & intentionality. Because not a single moment or thing is promised to any of us.
I remember when we finally were able to go through the garage (recently built a new home, and shit just ends up in the garage…like, all the things end up there 😮💨) so getting to go through stuff properly and notice the amount of things that were able to be salvaged and saved from Hurricane Dorian 🌀 puts shit into perspective.
Because thank the universe/god/the ancestors protection that the lives of my mum…ok basically everyone and I do mean EVERYONE on my Mum side of the family would have been gone.
The magnitude of that storm over that island (& Abaco)…if it had remained over the island any longer…I would have lost all of my family on that side. They lost their vehicles, their homes and the amount of trauma the have from that whole situation; from seeing the dead bodies of your neighbors floating by you, as the water rose and you had to flee to a nearby fire station…which also became overcrowded and flooded…the stories I’ve heard…Losing things don’t feel like shit when you almost lose your life.
Perspective like a mf.
So. Grad Nite, yes. My Disney Grad Nite photo album was saved. Wild. Can’t even recall most of that weekend, tbh. Or my HS “experience.” I was in a weird place. Forced assimilation via immigration. But…freedom, nonetheless, a?
I don’t recall being much of a person back then. I recall being what I was supposed to be, told to be, taught to be. No voice. No personality. A shell. Under the roof of a staunch Christian and full time witch…but not the good kind.
Who loved to gossip & report my every move to not only my mum, but everyone back home in the family. Wild. Lmao. I’ve come a long ass fucking way from that life!
Shit! All I can do is give thanks. For the being that I am now-knowing what I had to emerge from. Some Kafka shit-sans the bug. I’ll take a caterpillar 🐛 instead. That morphed into the wolf 🐺 don’t be a judge Judy- transformation is and looks different for everyone. This my journey. Back to what was saved. The Grad Nite album
Umm, what else…oh! my Baptism or Christening (is that the same thing? Idk I was a baby, I didn’t have a choice on my attendance) dress. My HS graduation gown. Some random trophy’s from tennis 🎾 to a math award (boy do I have a back story on that award 🥇 😎) My Scholastic, extracurricular resume which…I don’t even remember what tf I needed a resume for back then 🧐 oh another random photo album I made before I moved away…some old toys (not that kind-I left at a young age)
& one of the things I appreciate about my Taurus ass mutha, was her intentions of me seeing and having Black dolls (which I never played with but I did play with the Lego sets and Tonka trucks 😂) but my joints had skin that looked like mine. She was real G for that.
Oh. My Jordan doll from NKOTB…umm, don’t act like they wasn’t the shit back then.
Sooooo. how tf does this all connect?
It’s Taurus season. Taurus themes: what we value. Friday is ruled by Venus..which is the ruler of Taurus. All things align ✨
The folks that are sent to us are on purpose, yes. Meant to be a prominent part of our lives forever? That’s gonna be a hell naw. & the moment I realized that, shit made so much sense. & my ability to let go of relationships? Hmm, let’s use connections, instead. My ability to accept things and situations for what they are…what they present themselves to me as…as opposed to obsessing and overthinking (please don’t get me wrong-with this many Virgo placements, overthinking & overanalyzing will occur) But I’ve gotten way better about acceptance. & not placing every connection in a box or category.
Connections sometimes have disconnection. Sometimes they last *momentarily* like…a couple months, type shit. & it really can be a fun, fulfilling (for all that it’s meant to be) connection that was simply that:
A moment in time. I really wanted to say a wrinkle in time, but..yeah you get it.
Lemme even use my own self as an example. I had this connection with this fine ass gyal. She was down to earth, not afraid to be goofy/silly, had great taste in music, food, art, film, etc…..and loved the beach/water. All good tings (for me/to me-because you know, to each their own) and we had fun as we keke’d back and forth.
You wanna know thee biggest takeaway from that connection that actually inspired this post? This
She was on the boat one day and had this tumbler. I was like damn this thing keeping your shit ice cold for hella long. Well. Long story short I got myself one and it has been my favourite ever since. I absolutely love this thing. I take it on dives, I take it on lil road trips to the other end of the island (its contents may vary) and use it when I’m lounging around and just drinking some of my fave freshly brewed hot teas.
This tumbler? We were meant to be forever. That connection with the gyal? mmmm, not so much, lolol. But we good tho. Aint no feelings; hard nor soft. Nothing lost on either part because there weren’t any superficial…hm is that the word I wanna use…no expectations beyond how we connected in those moments. Give thanks. All things align.
I originally wrote this for my Instagram account, but I figured…why not share the wealth across platforms.
Earth placements, y’all alright?
Honorable mention: Pisces placements. ♓️
When it comes to going above and beyond…to the point of self sacrifice, you gotta cut off the shenanigans.
When you find yourself doing more, giving more, extending yourself more…that’s where learning healthy boundaries comes into play.
Bc don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being a caring, kind, generous, loving, giving person, but just make sure that same grace is also extended to you, from those we intentionally share with.
I once read something that said: “Loving someone harder will not make them change.”
& that was some of the realest shit I ever read. We do sometimes break our own hearts, but we also have the ability to call back energies and break those agreements that allowed us to accept less than we deserve.
Shit, it’s all a part of growing, learning and unlearning. & when you know better you (hopefully) do better and make better decisions. & that’s on ancestor Angelou 🙏🏿✨ ~Syn